Afraid of the idea

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My wife has mentioned the idea of divorcing and staying in the same house until our kids are all moved out within the next 5 years.

I asked her about dating. I said i would not date or anything until we are out of the same house. I asked her what she thought.. she said she would do what she pleased since we wont be husband and wife and i cant stop her. She said if she wanted to bring a bf home and have sex in the room next to me... should could if she wanted as long as the kids arent home.

To me that is absolutely cruel. This happened to my brother in law and she purposely made lots of noise and then told him how much bigger and better her new bf is in bed. Heck no.

I would rather divorce, Sell the house, Me declare banktuptcy and us both struggle financially then have this as a possibility.

Sorry for venting. Iv been losing sleep over this. The idea of her going at it on our old bed with somebody else in our house..

What the heck? How would this

What the heck? How would this be healthy for anyone, especially your kids?

Yes, divorce her. Working 3 jobs would be better than this type of emotional abuse.

I brought it all on myself by

I brought it all on myself by repeatedly breaking her trust with alcohol..Even though i have been clean for months, she says she just has nothing left.. But yea, no way i would be able to continue recovering with something like that going on.

For both your sakes and the kid's sake

Split. Your wife needs relief from the aftermath of living with alcoholism. You need a sane environment to continue your recovery. The kids don't need to see any of it.

This is just F'n stupid. smh

My XW had this same idea when she chose to divorce me. She would live in the other side of our MIL floor plan home that we had just bought three months before. And once we were divorced we could date each other and be lovers. I was mortified.

The fortunate thing is we had no children.

She modified this plan by moving out but wanting to be able to stay in the home whenever she wanted to. As she and my then STBXFIL were driving off with a truck and trailer full of her crap I was calling the locksmith. A couple of hours later the locks were all re-keyed and I deprogrammed all of the garage door openers and reprogrammed only mine.

That night I went on a date with a woman I had dated on and off for a year or so before my XW and I became exclusive. The next AM I was woken up by pounding on the front door. I answered the door wrapped in a towel. My STBXW was standing there all pissed that her key no longer worked. Standing behind me was a beautiful blue eyed blonde wrapped in a bed sheet. My STBXW did not like my response to her demands that we date, be lovers, and she have unfettered access to the home she had left.

This shared divorced home proposal is good for no one. Particularly the kids. Move out, or better yet, have your STBXW move out, move on with your adult life and demonstrate to your children how a confident man and father has quality adult relationships rather than demonstrating to them that their mother controls their father and his life as well as their lives.

Your alcoholism is irrelevant to the plan to share a home. If anything the plan is even worse considering the emotional tension that this stupid idea represents. Move on, own your recovery, live a quality life that demonstrates for your children that you are committed to your recovery and that also demonstrates independence from your X and happiness within quality adult relationships.

Be true to yourself and maintain focus on what is best regarding your responsibilities to your children. You owe yourself and them a healthy, confident, happy father.

The only thing your question

The only thing your question has to do with this website is that it will drive anyone either of you ever date to become a member if you go through with it. That being said, please don't. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you are divorcing, please fully separate from your wife and learn to become independent as both a father and as a person. Doing some weird hybrid separate-but-together thing will drive everyone involved insane, and it will be very hurtful to you and confusing for the kids. Please use your time as a single person for self-care ao you can kick alcohol once and for all.

She just wants to be

She just wants to be vindictive.

If there is no hope for your marriage, living with her will be a big mistake. You won't be doing yourself, or your kids, any favors.

So sorry you are going through this

And congratulations to not only getting sober but to owning any chaos that your drinking might have caused.

With that said, I am sure that you don't own all of it. What kind of person purposes what she is purposing? That is and would be an awful life especially for someone with a dependency problem such as you have stated. I am sure all of your problems were not caused by only you, it takes 2 as the old saying goes.

Over is just that OVER staying in the relationship that you have described would be destructive to all involved. I would suggest moving out and on! Get as many jobs as you need to to support yourself and while I am sure it will be hard it has a better outlook than trying to live in the same house any longer. Take care of yourself. You will be no good to yourself or your kids without taking care of yourself first!

Good Luck

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