4 Vs 2
I guess for now, my subject heading will work. I can't even begin to tell you all of the issues I have to deal with. So I will start with the most recent events. But first here is a brief background. I have 1 BS12, SS 16, SD 12, SS 9. SS 16 and SD 12 have their BM (so for story sake I'll call her BM) SS 9 has a BM (she will be BM 2) My DH has joint custody, but is the primary custodial parent for SS 16 and SD 12. He has FULL custody of SS9.
1) SS9 only sees his BM2, two night a week. We have found out she never spends time with him, at the bar, over at friends, etc etc. First off she is court order to not drink when she has him, but she does. Unfourtantely this is all hear say, as we have never witnessed this. But my SS 9 talks about his BM2 going to the bars. You would think that would be enough, but my DH NEVER does anything about it. I'd like to get this taken care of before something bad happens again!!
2)BM1 was/claims to have stopped partying all the time. Heavy stuff! She and I have never seen eye-to-eye on how I deal with SS16 and SD 12. SS 16 has broken curfew several times amedts to drinking and smoking pot. BM1 allows him to drink with her, she attempts to be his friend and not his mother. Again my DH will not discipline him!
SD 12 who is almost 13 has been lying (Excessively) She lies to her BM1 about me and my DH and has lied to us about her BM1. Now BM1 is concerned about her behavior! I've seen it coming for a long time and have even talked to my DH about it months ago! He did nothing!
My DH believes that kids will be kids and thinks he would be a hypocrite for disciplining the kids for the same crap he did! UGHHHH
So now my BS 12 is a witness to all of this, I'm very afraid cause I will not allow him to do half of the stuff these other kids get to do. BS 12 has stated to me several times, "why do I always get into trouble, you never yell at SS16, SD 12, and SS9 for doing it." It breaks my heart.
When I try to talk to my DH about all the kids, its almost like he tunes me out. I'm home with the ALL the kids 90% of the time as he works, so I see all of their naughty behaviors. I'm getting very frustrated cause he does NOTHING! Even if he would talk to them about it I would feel a little better, (Is he trying to be the fun parent even though he complains about his exes doing that??)
This isn't even half of what I've dealt with over the years. I could write a book! I just often feel it's him and his kids VS me and mine. Hence 4 VS 2
So, if your DH would step up
So, if your DH would step up and be a parent... or at least, not get in your way as the parent, then half the problems at home would be solved?
My brother plays the "the
My brother plays the "the kids are not doing anything that we didn't do" crap. Sure, we all had our kid attempts to get by with stuff, fibs or even outright lies, etc.. But a parents job is to parent not justify shit behavior by kids based on our own misadventures.
My brother is hell bent on letting my niece sow her wild oats and flunk out of college on his dime. When our son pulled this crap we turned him in to our beck and call boy and did not spend another dime out of our pockets the Skid's education. We worked him ragged on chores around the house and generally making him our chore bitch until he got a clue and enlisted in the USAF. He has now completed 3 years of his 6 year first enlistment, is doing well and working on his BSCS. My brother regularly comments on his maturity compared to my nieces immaturity but refuses to actually bring consequences to bear on her for her crap.
I would love to have my brother catch a clue and start dealing with his kids as our parents dealt with us. It sure returned positive results with my kid.
Your DH needs to learn and apply this lesson too.
IMHO of course.
Sincerely,
My SD left our house due to
My SD left our house due to my rules ~ strict if you think I don't care. They are my rules ~ my house my rules don't like it ~ there is the door. Byeeee
My fiancé asked me if I would be willing to try again with her. I said absolutely NOT ~ I am not willing to sacrifice my children to keep your raised by wolf kid happy. Not happening ~ this house is my children's safe haven. She is not going to stroll into my house m cause havoc.
As far as the comment of your Brother doing tue same things in life. What a friggin cop out that statement is ~ just cause he did the same thing doeshttp://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eRhMcsl5k90&sns=emn't make it right. If your wrong n get caught ~ deal with the consequences. Sorry his excuse is bullshit.
Parent up buckoo ~ parenting isn't all rainbows n sparkles. Holding your children accountable for their behavior is a must.
"My DH believes that kids
"My DH believes that kids will be kids and thinks he would be a hypocrite for disciplining the kids for the same crap he did!"
Ask him if his mom just let him get away with that crap then, or if she disciplined? (HOPEFULLY she did not just let him get away with that!) And if she wouldn't let HIM get away with that, doesn't he want to be at least as good a parent as his mom was?
Time for a meeting of the minds between you and DH. Tell him he's either got to get with the program and start parenting (or backing you up if he's going to make you do it), or he's got to find other care for those 3 while he's at work. Yes, even the 16 year old. Leaving you in the position of babysitter with no authority is a recipe for disaster - and you're totally right that it's not fair to you OR to your BS.