I have 2 steps and 3 bios (10, 13, 9, 11, 15). When I get stuff or do stuff for the kids, sometimes I work to be even in items of buying/doing for my kids by getting / doing same for all 5, and other times, I just get or do things for my kids because we are doing something separate or I feel that item is a realm where sks mom&dad should handle (phones, summer camps, trips to see my family, whatever).

Recently, SS who has been having a difficult time with things lately raised through his therapist that my kids get special treatment and more material items than he and brother do. Professional raised concern to DH, and it has come back to me that professional's advice is for us to try to make things more even.

I got a bit frustrated because I do what I believe is a lot for SKs (buy clothes, put $ to college, spend time, play games, get treats and gifts, pay for activities - all of my own volition, no resentment), and rather than that getting appreciated, I am now criticized for an inequity that I'm not entirely sure exists when all items are put on the table. And I am not saying that DH doesn't do things for/with his kids either. He is generous with his time with them (and my kids for that matter), and is a good provider and great dad/stepdad.

Anyway, in the grand scheme, this could be much worse. DH raised this issue since he had to deal with it with therapist, got frustrated, said we do pretty well over all trying to please all parties, and told me not to worry about it, that we have bigger fish to fry. He joked that this is like complaining at a Roman feast about not getting enough, and I should let it go. He told professional and SS that he did not think things would change and that it's not his place to monitor what I do for my kids to ensure equity with his, even as professional told him that we should make attempts to keep things more equal (in front of SK).

How do you all handle these items? What has worked/not worked? Any advice? Where should equity be taken into account in a blended family?

Thanks!!