Yes! Is your husband a guilty dad? Does your SD act more like his wife than his daughter? We get it! Welcome!

Lots of posters here have SUCH great advice for you. Glad you found us.

Double post

Nothing is wrong with you sweety, I dislike my SD with the firey passions of a thousand suns. There's nothing wrong with me. It happens. SD's are so damn difficult because they so possesive of their father. I let my DH know early on that I will not play second string to any woman, not his ex, not his mother, and certainly not his daughter. Take some deep breaths and have a glass of wine while she's there. She'll still annoy you, but it'll be funnier with wine.

I will tell you I dont like my Stepdaughters either. I tried very hard for the first few years. Now they are 8 and 11, I met them 4 years ago. I still tried up until this year. I relapse but I'm mostly disengaged.

I think the biggest problem we have is these "children" tend to think they are in the pecking order above us. I know that is my complaint. And it might sound bad but they are in our homes, we can't uninvite them when they do things we don't like. We can't punish them because of many reasons with many different DHs.

Having a step child is different than your cousin's kids or a neighbor's visiting. These kids remind you that you weren't your DH's first and many of them have problems with boundaries or are allowed to be treated as the wife until an actual wife appears on the scene.

I saw a step parenting counselor and it was great. I'm going back after the holidays just for myself because DH is the disney dad, head in the sand kind.

So you aren't alone and it's a weird feeling to have if you have never been in this kind of situation before, I know.

Been a step dad for 12 years. Tried my absolute best only to be told my services as a Step Dad, I para-phrase, are no longer required. I can't stand the girl but I it let go and stopped it consuming my life as it was making me ill. Originally referred to as Dad. This then became step dad, then step parent, then not acknowledged at all on any forms etc.

I did my absolute best over 12 years only to have everything thrown back in my face and rejected. She's 18 now and her mothers problem.

Sounds like a pretty normal mammalian visceral rejection of someone else’s spawn in your life to me.

I had those same feelings with my Skid when my bride and I were dating. I did not dislike him but I did have what I can only describe as a complete visceral revulsion to his presence in my home. When we were at my brides apt I was fine. When we were at my place though I enjoyed their visits I would have a palpable dark cloud feeling about the Skid touching my shit and invading my space. One day I was watching an Animal Planet special with the Skid at my place while his mom was on campus taking a test when he was bout 18mos old. The special was about lions and one section was on how males kill the spawn of the prior leader when taking over a pride. That was my epiphany moment when I made the decision to not feel that way any longer. So, I started kicking up my play time and effort with the Skid, I carried him on my shoulders when the three of us were out together, I chased him through play-scapes at fast food places when the three of us stopped there for lunch together, I read him stories, we chased ducks around the gold course outside of his mom’ apartment and we chased and fed ducks at my condo’s lake, his mom and I would swing him between us when the three of us were walking together, etc….. I knew that my growing feelings for his mom would require me to accept him as my own and for me to be his dad if his mom was going to be my bride.

It worked. Don’t get me wrong. During the 16+ remaining years of the CO while I was his full time dad there were times when I longed to be a lion }:) but never did I have the same level of rejection feelings that I had when his mom and I first started dating.

SS-22 really was a good kid for the most part and has been a self supporting viable adult for the past nearly 4 years. You have a choice to make. Do the work to grow the reasonable feelings of acceptance and insist that and hold yoru DH accountable for addressing the Skid's behavioror … Move on. It is not fair to the kid, your DH, or yourself to stay and not do the work to accept the Skid in your life.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

You are not alone. My FDH and his 5yo son (my SS) sleep in my AS bed every night when his son is here, and is the issue that annoys me most and have argued over. It's disturbing. I am always tossed completely to the side when that kid comes around (every 2-3 days and EOW). My FDH believes that our kids (including my BD) should come first. I get that but only to a point. The point where he needs to realize these children will leave and grow up. Then who will he have to cuddle with for comfort and rely on for companionship? I hate to say it, but I can't stand my SS either. He always interjects into adult convos and gives dirty looks when his BD isn't watching, but my FDH/BD is always worried I'm the one giving dirty looks. I'm almost ready to give up this relationship, because I will always come fourth. His son, mother, Ex, then me.

You are definitely not alone. I feel so bad for disliking my Sd. I think to myself, I have NEVER disliked a kid. Never. Even the ones that are horrible..there is always a reason kids act the way they do. I know the reason sd acts the way she does but it does not matter when it comes to her. I dislike her to the point I don't even want to talk to her. I know she is just like her mother and it is not her fault. She lies about everything and is manipulating in getting what she wants . She comes here and starts so much trouble between the other kids. She tells them that she can do what she wants because her dad will believe her, and at first he did but he is starting to see that she likes to cause problems.

My SD is my DH favourite. When she is upset I feel the wrath from him. When she is upset. I am told I am not good partner. I have v strong resentment towards my SD. Truth be told she lies and manipulates with the best of the step kids. But in DH eyes she is perfect. I don't need him to pick me over her. I just want to be treated as wonderfully as she is. I am tired of living this way. The SD is 19 years old but DH refuses to let her move out. Ex wife has mental health issues so she will be living with us full time. Can life get any better?

I left, but before I did, I HATED my sd, mini-wife. She wanted her DAAAADDDDDDDYYYY all to herself. Well, now she's got him and he is MISERABLE without me. Better still, that beautiful house we bought together?? Well, it will have to be sold and that little b*tch will soon be packing her sh*t and moving out just like I had to. HA! Dh, at this point, knew I was very unhappy but doesn't know EXACTLY why I left when I did. After the divorce is final, I'll tell him. It was all SD's fault. And good luck finding a new house and paying your bills!

...

I understand. I have a 13yo bs and a 13yo ss both of whom have adhd and their difficult moments but I never feel hateful towards them, in fact I really enjoy spending time with both of them. I also have a 12yo sd with no common sense but she's a sweet girl. We have the three of them full time as neither of our exes are a part of their lives. The problem I have is with my 6yo stepbrat, who we have EOW and holidays, though occasionally DH will pick her up on our off days.

I think one of the biggest problems that I have with her is defiant and disrespectful, entitled attitude. Logically I know that it's not her fault that her BM is a pushover who doesn't set boundaries or routines. I realize that DH'S outlook doesn't help the situation; he makes excuses for her behavior, blames everyone from me and her teacher to the other three kids for not 'understanding her' or taking into consideration the fact that she's only six or just plain not liking her and constantly gives her whatever she wants, inadvertently rewarding her bad behavior. He's more worried about me liking her as much as I like the other kids or fearing that she'll think 'I'm mean' because no one else bothers to discipline her.

In situations like this, we all know how we'd handle it if the brat was our biological child, what compounds the situation is the fact that we're 'not allowed ' to do so. She cries when it's time to go back to her mother's which seems to make DH forget all of her wrong doings over the weekend. I try and try with her, but the lying and attention seeking are really frustrating and inevitably her behavior ends up causing DH and I to fight and when you can't get your husband to see eye to eye with you, or even try to, a stepchild starts to feel more like a home wrecking nightmare than an innocent child. And I'm sorry to say it, but not all children are innocent, blameless beings. I'm new to this forum but have seen a few posts putting down those of us who are having problems with our skids.

I have 3 sds. They are the spawn of satan! The oldest hasn't spoken to her dad in over 2yrs. The 2 youngest haven't been to our home since Christams. I love children but HATE these 3! Seems to be normal for sm to hate sd. New to all this and havening a very hard time. Glad they don't come over anymore and pray they never come back.

I had 4 SD. The 2 youngest are fine, the eldest 20 moved out when my SO and I moved in together. The 17 OMG mini wife commanding daddies time the whole time. No matter how I tried to explain to SO what both he and her were doing he didn't back me or understand my point of view.
We lasted 5 months living together, I moved out recently because I am sick of being second to a child and a SO that not supporting me.
Yes SD17 is happy she has daddie to herself but SO is NOT happy as we arent a proper relationship anymore. I have told him until SD leaves home then I will not entertain the idea of living with him again. This nis his doing and he needs to fix the problem.
I used to like SD17 but not anymore, I don't need her in my life.

It is simple, she is used to having him wrapped around her little finger and all to herself. You are stepping on her toes, so she tries to be as annoying as possible whenever she can so Daddy's attention is on her not you. Best thing you can do just ride it out she will be 18 soon enough and you can completely disengage if she continues this behavior. If your Husband is such a great catch it is worth it.

My SO has an 11yo daughter who's the most annoying person I think I've ever met. She's super clingy and has the mini-wife syndrome. She won't shutup ever and she gets on everyone's nerves. Then she tops it off with talking like she's grown. I just can't stand her. I mean the thought of her makes me cringe. I wish she'd never visit. She HAS to have ALL attention and if she doesn't get it, she pouts and runs to her dad. She monopolizes all of your time and forces you to pay her some attention. She eats like a pig and gets mad when her siblings won't give her their food. She talks all day and night and won't sit still for nothing. The mentioning of her name annoys me. They don't visit often but when she does, I just disappear. I literally cannot stand this child and am considering leaving for good just to get away from her. She has an older brother and younger sister who are complete opposites of her and we get along just fine, but unfortunately, this one can't stay home when the other two visits. I can't do it anymore. I've told SO how I feel and that this girl needs some boundaries. He's agreed to talk to her and says he knows she can be annoying, but I think it's too late. I just don't like her and wishes she can stay away from me. Ahhhhhh...that felt great!

Im in exactly the same situation!! Apart from when I posted this I didn't get a great response looks like you've had much better replies - I am new here!! I am about to leave my fiancé things are that bad! If u ever want to talk just message me

Hi I can't stand my SD either. She always corrects me when I am talking or reading to her. Takes the piss out of my accent and tells me that I am ugly and what does boyfriend do?? Laugh!!! Grrrrrrrr she makes my blood boil! She also tells my son ( from a previous relationship) that he is fat and doesn't like him. My son is not fat at all. She is 10 and my son is 5! She has him in tears! I want to kill the little bitch.I have only been living with my boyfriend for 3 months and it was supposed to be our place together. I still feel like it is his and his kids home and I am the visitor. Help! I want to leave but I love my boyfriend too much but not his daughter!! Does it get better???

You know this is so complex and sad that we cannot solve it. Some amazing couples do and I am in awe of them. I failed.

The dads want what they want. they want to be disney dads and they want to a new partner to sort it all out for them.

the step mother is in love and if she is a good person tries to find a connection with his child/ren and a place for her own if she has them.

Do not feel guilty about reacting when his child rejects you but do hold on to your values and do remember that this child could be you if you had been thrown into this circumstance. Yes their behaviour expresses the superiority that their parents have bestowed on them but remember this is not their fault.

i have lost the person I loved the most. the man of my dreams. My soul mate. i could not somehow cope with the dynamic of he and his daughter. However i am proud that i was never rude and was often kind and inclusive. for too many years I wore myself out filling in the gaps in conversation and being the fall guy.

I feel like an idiot but I also know I remained a good person. Small but in my mind a fundamental and morally important consolation.

good luck and please be a good person especially where children or even young adults are concerned.

Hi I’m new here. I know this is an old post, I’m just wondering if it gets any better? I’m in the same situation and am really struggling with my SD. Is there any hope? 

Every player is acting out as per usual inthis scenario. Each player has work to do to bring it to a livable level. Not everyone will be so enlightened as to try. There is a book that may help you. It’s called Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin. I used to read unsolicited excerpts to DH as we sat on the couch in the evenings. “Listen to this!” Somehow he could hear the point if it was coming from a book and not me.

I asked my husband a question last week about my SD and her school work. He blew up at me saying it was insulting and you should never had asked that question. I had been on the phone and she moved from her spot at the table to the couch to get daddys attention instead of paying attention to online school lessons and doing  the work assigned.  She always try to be the center of attention and he plays into it because he feels guilty about his former marriage and say SD only has him. EW is homeless, a drunk and an drug addict. So what am I, a piece of poo?  Have I not been there supporting the financially and emotionally. Whenever anyone wants something I go out of my way to make sure they either get to do what they want or get the object they requested. It sometime takes time to do it, but I make sure it is a priority when it is possible to do or get.  My husband does not believe our relationship is a priority and allows SD to rule the marriage instead of saying that this is between him and I and if there is anything to tell SD that we will tell her later.  When we are having "alone" time doing adult time things, SD interupts and says "You are supposed do that when we are asleep."  Husband does not correct her.  SD is allowed whatever she wants. We were arguing and she starts talking like she is invited to the argument.  His older boys were raised to be babied and that rules do not apply to them. I have one SC who repects me and even says I love you Mom.  To get this straight, I never asked to be called mom but told them they can call me what they want as long as it is repectful.  Husband wants me to be disciplinarian in the family. Yet if I say something to or about SD it I who is wrong.  I am not proud of my self but I push SD on the floor during the argument interuption. I was so angry at my husband for things he was saying to me and about me and my anger was so focused on husband that when SD interupted, I reacted without thought. That is not like me and I am ashamed of myself.  I feel like husband is gaslighting me and that the only way to solve that problem and SD problem is to walk away. I have a 17 year old daughter who i don't want to learn that this ok to be treated that way.  I want her to have a healthy marriage.  You are not alone in feeling rage and anger and sorrow over a SD.

I just joined after reading through these comments and I am so happy I found this page!! I can't stand my one SD!! She is 9 and mean and manipulative and lies and I can't stand it. I have two kids of my own, and she treats them like shit. Last night she was pissed that no one wanted to play a board game with her (no surprise) so she decides to pout and then accuses my BS(9) of grabbing her butt like a week ago and she was so distraught over it all of a sudden. So now I have DH calling my son a molester and saying he's going to kick my son out. It's horrible!!! My son is the sweetest kid you'd meet, and says he would never do anything to hurt her or be malicious. And the other kids agree!! She's just doing this to cause problems and get other kids in trouble because she's mad. I told my ex to come get my kids a day early for the weekend because they don't need to be around this bullshit. We've only been living together since May and married in July, so we are still in the throes of figuring this all out - but I know that SD and I are not going to get along!!

Yes, it will get worse until you funally get the balls and leave!!  I'm married and have custody of my husbands daughters (3)!!!! His ex wife dumped em at our house 5yrs ago and never returned. They have done everything from lying to cops to sex to currently the 17yo got expelled for marijuana!!!! I can't stand them. They are self righteous, awful, self entitle, lying little bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse every dang year. My husband never tried anymore because it's just a screaming match and THEY have called the cops on US!!!!!!! We have two kids together so I stay. My husband loves them and they love him. So that's why I don't leave but everyday I wake up to them still in my house. I can't stand it!!!!! I threaten to move out every other week. I drank ALOT. I'm to the point where I tell my husband how much I loathe his daughters. I'm just waiting for him to say I can go then but he doesn't. He knows they suck but what choice does he have?????? I pray every day to God that they leave or God removes me and my children from this house. I'm so ducking depressed. I'm miserable in my own house. I often dream about what a real loving home would be like......God please help me.