I wouldn't bother getting back with this guy - he doesn't sound like much of a prize and he certainly doesn't prioritize your wants and needs.

To answer your question, though - I think it'd unreasonable of him to expect you to "look after" his kids after he dies, whatever that means.  Legally, you would have no obligation to them, nor would you have any rights.  If the BMs didn't want you anywhere near the kids, that's their prerogative.   If my DH were to die while the skids are minors, I (and he) would expect them to live full time with their BM, and BM would not be sending them to me for DH's parenting time.  That would be her choice as well as mine, so we're all on the same page there.

If he dies, it's up to the mothers who they allow to be in their child's life. What a weird thing to request of someone.

So he's providing little to nothing for your child together but focusing on giving his other kids everything of his estate?

Only in my humble opinion you should split your assets equally in half when it comes to inheritance, him divide his half by his 3 kids, and you give your half to whoever you wish, which I assume is your only child. 

Why flog a dead horse? You argue all the time an he is only interested in what you can do for him and his kids. Is your child his? 

Move on and enjoy a better life than you'd ever have with him. 

The problem with idiots is that they cannot define a problem because they approach problems emitionally rather than logically and intellectually. He wants you to support his kids but not financially or phsycally? Really?  Yep, he is an idiot.

Do yourself and your baby a favor and stay the hell away from this guy.

Dup

It sounds like he is talking about more of a mentor/emotional support if he doesn't mean for you to "watch out for them financially or physically". Maybe allow them to be part of your baby's life too?

However, I would let this man go. You may have not made the best life choice in having a child with him but that doesn't mean that you can't move on and find a better husband. Just be a fair and equitable "co-parent" and do you best to take yourself out of the equation and do what is best for your child when it comes to the relationship that he has with his father. 

them through life as a role model, help them when the going gets tough etc even though he is being super vague about the specifics.

problem is, if these skids are disrespectful, unpleasant to  be around and their bio mums are so hcgubm, you should not be expected to be anything in their lives if they willingly support and advocate crazy bio mum..

about 1.5 yrs ago my husband sat his 3 kids down (2 were 20.5 and 22.5) and told them that if their mum died (since she repeatedly claims she will any moment die from her imaginary illness), if hubby dies, they only have me and my kids (their half siblings) and same thing if hubby died before bio mum (which sd’s say bio mum abandoned them) then they only have me and them behaving disrespectfully and them hunning us and being so horrible does not make me want to be anything around them. Hubby told them that he appointed me to manage his estate, his retirement savings were willed to me and them behaving horribly towards us will never make us want to help them out when life gets tough... meaning they need financial help etc... they gave the lip service “I understand and hopefully we will do better”, well its been 19 months and nothing changed, no contact, no giving a shit about anyone else...

i do not intend to be around them or maintain any relationship, I don’t see my kids wanting the same as they are advocates fro hcgubm

Whether or not you two decide to get back together, your job right now is to protect the rights of your child from their father. If you haven't already established child support, worked out visitation and responsibilities via court order, and established paternity, do it now. Your child is entitled to be taken care of by their father, and you do them no favors by not getting all that established.

Regarding you still have influence on his kids if he dies, he's delusional. That's not your job, even if you were his wife. Sure, if you were married, make sure they get their share of any estate owed them (along with making sure your own child is taken care of) and that they get any personal affects that you know their father would want them to have. But that's about it. Anything else goes way above and beyond and would be based SOLELY on the types of relationships you have with his individual children. No spouse should agree to his expectations.

You're being reasonable. Don't let him convince you otherwise.

I have a good relationship with my husband and my sd10. I have told my husband not to expect me to do or give sd anything after he dies. If he wants her to have something my husband needs to provide it for her legally in a will/insurance etc. I may choose to give sd something or continue a relationship with her but I will not have the expectation forced on me or be put into a position where I am expected to decide what is fair. 

Yeah, if the BP dies and the other BP is living, that's pretty much it. Any involvement in the SK's life will be at the BP's and your own discretion.

When DH and I were talking about our estate plans, I had to explain that to him -- that if BM outlives him and SS is still a minor, I would have no rights or visitation or anything unless she and I wanted it. He seemed to think I would still get some kind of visitation.

I am designated as SS's guardian by DH should he and BM both die while SS is young, but as our lawyer explained, that's not binding. BM likely also has a will and I would imagine chose someone else, like her parents or brother. Ultimately, a judge would make the determination on who should be SS's guardian.

And bear in mind being a legal guardian also doesn't necessarily mean physical custody.

When a step Childs bio parent passes away---the step parent and now deceased parents child,  relationship is technically not there.

Whether or not you stay in contact with your deceased husbands kids is up to you. YOU have to ask yourself, do I want my bio's involved with my deceased husbands kids OR not. Do I want to be involved?

Don't promise anything in that capacity to anyone. Gosh what IF his kids take a turn down  criminal road do you want YOUR kids near that? I would think not.

From what I am reading from other posters here on this thread...this guy sounds like a doozy. "he will be assessing your acitons"...hahaha such a powerful man.

You have no legal rights to SK.  The BM will be in control of SK.  You can not go to court and get any type of visitation with SK.  And why would you want to pay for SK  care ?  Is DH going to leave you tons of money to play this game. ? 
 

You have a DH problem. A big one. He's not in the real world. 

To answer your headline question from your origninal post.... a visitation schedule ends when a kid ages out from under the CO or... the NCP parent dies.  

If something happens to your SO, there is no more visitation schedule for either his prior failed family kids... or the one you have with him.

First let's define "look out?"  what does he mean by that?  Financial support? or just inviting them for Christmas if they have nowhere to go?  or continuing some form of relationship with them.  

Most of us come here to this site because we have bad relationships with either the Step kids or issues because of BM or our DH's lack of control of these situations, or all of the above.  Not all relationships are like that and some blended families stay blended after divorce or death. Some of these families have been blended for 20 plus years and develop a relationship.  

Personally I expect my husband to continue a relationship with my son if I die first.  He has a good one with him now.  While I don’t have a good relationship with my step-children I would look out for them per my husband’s request because I love my husband.  BUT here’s what that “looking out for” looks like…  It is NOT unconditional meaning that if they get nasty with me over his wishes or will or possessions or bring BM around to cause issue now we are talking about something else.  I would not continue any relationship with them.  If there were no issues sure I would and I would make sure they had a place to go for holidays and if they ever needed something I could provide I definitely would out of love and respect for my husband and what he wanted.  

In your case I think this particular issue is the least of the problems here.  It sounds to me like he has made many demands on changes YOU need to make when in reality he is the one that needs to take a good look at himself.  I wouldn’t be looking to reunite with this man anytime soon or ever.  It sounds like you dodged a bullet on this one and I would be moving on with my life.  

First off, you have no legal rights to the skids after your DH passes away. Does he understand this? If the BMs don't want you around, they will not have you around. I suspect that you would have to petition the courts even if you wanted your child to have access to the half-siblings/skids.

It sounds though like he's coming from an emotional perspective and like you say, probably stems from his own childhood. I'd probably explore this more with him as he is misplacing his own needs onto the needs of his children and demanding a certain behaviour from all around him after he's gone. Seems unrealistic.