Some quick thoughts:

1) Are you working or is DH supporting you, your daughter and his sons? If that's the case, it sounds like you and DD got a pretty good deal when you married and he dropped his kids in favor of you and your daugther.
2) You expect him to do special things with your DD? He is trying to do you a favor and get the boys out of your hair. He already gave his sons up for your daughter once; let the man take the kids to work here and there.

Sorry if I got this wrong or am jumping to conclusions, maybe there's more to the story.

But to me it sounds like your DH abandoned HIS kids for you and your daugther and that he let his responsibilities to his boys fall by the wayside in favor of you and your daughters and now you are paying the consequences.

Justdealing, this is hard for you. I get it. But I think you need to start working with the children (all of them) to adjust to this new life.

Raising children is alot of work one is sometimes easy, 3 will make it much more work but it can be done if you are committed to your husband and your marriage.

These boys may have not had any training or instruction in their life so that will be a big job for you.

Lots of women on here do it and are very successful at it.

You are home all day so I would start with a daily and weekly schedule for the children, a list of activities that they will do separate (even if only in separate rooms) and some together (to learn to adjust) and a list of equal age appropriate chores for each child.

If the children are behind in school give them quiet time each day to sit and do some appropriate lessons.

Every morning and evening have a time slot for each child to take showers, brush teeth and clean up.

There is plenty of time for you to work on making these childrens lives more enriched and productive.

If you've only had them for 3 weeks it could partly be down to teething problems as everyone adjusts to living together. The boys are bound to have mixed feelings about being sent away to their mother, and then suddenly shipped back in. Some suggestions:
Get some parenting books from the library on dealing with kids in that age range, it's reassuring to get advice and see that the issues are pretty common
Sit down with DH and thrash out some basic ground rules and consequences
See if you can find some kind of club/ sport/activity the boys could do once a week, boys are like dogs, they need exercise
Sit down with the boys in a discussion lead by DH and acknowledge the difficulties involved in all living together in a small apt
Lay out the ground rules and consequences calmly and fairly so they are clearly understood, then uphold them (DH should be responsible for implementing consequences where possible)
DH might want to talk to DD one on one before bed one night and reassure her, and maybe do the same with his sons, who are obviously feeling competitive and hostile towards DD

I do sympathise, it must be a pressure cooker of tension in your flat at the moment.

OK, OP, take a deep breath babe! Not every poster here is going to tell you all negative all the time! There is a little bit to glean from everyone's feedback, even if some of it is difficult to hear

First off, I totally get the fine line between working for an income and working just to pay for daycare for that many kids, just to be out of the house. Since DH is the one with steady full time income, and your opportunities are limited, then it may just be best to stay at home for awhile. Or, could the two of you arrange a staggering shift situation that would allow you to take on work on the weekends and a couple of evenings? If even for a short while? That would be a huge impact and sacrifice of your time with DH and as a whole family, but, it may enable you to improve your housing situation and gain a modest vehicle.

Immediately, you've GOT to sit DH down and unload emotionally. Praise him for his hard work and tell him blatantly how you feel, and that you KNOW there is a solution you can find TOGETHER! I get the whiff that your marriage is in fairly good shape? THAT'S YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY MY DEAR! But you know this...think though, you may have to redefine your "needs and happiness" for a short while, for bigger long term payoff.

Initiate, or keep working with your prosecutors office to locate your dd bio dad to get that cs coming in in her behalf! Been there, I know how aggrevating and exhausting it can be...but the name of the game right now is to locate and free up EVERY penny you can.

Do you have a hobby or special skill you can turn into cash? Can you have a garage sale, or do you have any goods, old jewelry, coins, etc., you can sell off quickly for cash?

If you haven't already, become an extreme couponer and get into sync with your local food stores weekly specials, for food and household supplies. Truly hungry kids WILL EAT whatever you set in front of them!

After your talk with DH, have a family meeting...and have DH be the bearer of all news, expectations, and consequences to the fam. I just very recently had to do this, and it's a challenge, my skids are still on "paper training" but they've all been warned that the shock collars and cattle prods come out if they don't shape UP!!! Thing is, it is so easy for us adults to THINK the kids will "get it" just by hearing us talk or seeing us model the behaviors, but nah, they're all dumb as dirt and ya pretty much have to beat it into them.

MAKE THE KIDS HELP YOU during the day. Yes....it's going to cause you wrinkles and gray hairs riding them with a crop to do it...it's always so much easier to just do everything ourselves, right? BUT it gives them STRUCTURE, which, I'm certain the boys BM didn't model or guide them into at all...another common theme here...a lot of us can completely relate!!! Give them jobs and chores to earn their lazy time. If the weather is nice kick them outdoors with a jug of water, a cellphone, or walky-talkie and lock the door! OR, go with them and get some fresh air.

I know you only have one car...is there a bus line nearby? Can DH carpool with anyone to give you and the kids the car once a week for days out?

These are just a few random thoughts that spring to mind for now. Bottom line, try to be encouraged. There have been families for hundreds of years living stacked on top of each other. I do know its stressful. You've GOT to find resources to lift yourself up emotionally...church groups, support groups, mommy cliques...you've got to keep yourself healthy and productive, to keep your sanity, keep your marriage intact, and finally, learn how to be better(?) parents to these kids who, desperately need you!!! Pool every ounce of energy and positivity you have right NOW, or, you'll find yourself becoming a casualty to the skids, like many of us here!

Best of luck OP!!!

Oh and lemme say too...this IS A fantastic site to vent and let your hair down when there is literally no one else on earth to do that with. Several folks become "pen pals" too thru private messaging, and it's a great outlet.

In my own case, during our family meeting...I came right out and told the children explicitly how their behaviors were making me sick. My headaches, nausea, absolute fatigue...the fact that I ended up in the ER one night for chest pains. PUT IT ALL OUT THERE and make it the ENTIRE FAMILY'S PROBLEM!!! And while youre at it...ASK THEM for solutions! You'd be surprised what comes out of their mouths and what they're really thinking, if they'll be honest wih you. Then it's dads turn to reel it all back in.

I am sorry you are going through this. I would feel the same way.

I deal with an abused neglected SD that I fought and spent my saving on to get out of foster care and supported for 2+ years, yet she turned on me (little ingrate), a second bm who fights tooth and nail over every call & visit (2nd round in court and she is using extortion like tactics to get SO to drop his modification).

My 10 yr old sd lies, cheats, steals, we've tried counseling, rewards, punishments, nothing works.
Many days I fantasize about taking my babies (1om & due in dec) and running off, or if SD wasn't here how much less stressful our household would be (bash away, but we all do it).

After being hurt, used and abused by a 10yr old (who is a mini-me of her psychopath mother) I had enough, I told my SO I was not her mom, he is her only legal parent and she is his responsibility - I found the more I did the more got dumped on me. Now I watch her while dad works cause before I supported them and he stayed home.

I've made it clear I will support his decisions and help care for her, but he makes all arrangements for her appointments, practice, social events, after school events, etc if he forgets she doesn't go.

Once he started work he agreed SD would abide by our rules & mind me or he could find alternative childcare if he had to take her with him and find a provider on the way to work.

We have little to no resources for her in our small town and no supportive family.

I too am and have been caring for my ill family members who have chronic illnesses, it doesnt help my sis uses my SD to push my buttons & try to get at me, but we are working on her placement (mutual decision).

So I understand your frustrations, your feelings, & in general what may be really going on.

People usually dont get to the point of wanting to run away or oust children unless theyve been pushed to that point.

Im holding on to hope that things will work out and we refuse to let SD for whatever reason ruin our relationship. Things are finally coming around financially and now we may be able to relocate to where there are programs for SD to be gone all day and out of my hair.

Ive come to the realization its not about fixing her, its about coping with her.

Btw the kids need to see you as an authority figure in your home, I flat out told my sks, my house my rules while you are under my roof, you may not like me or love me but you will mind me and show common courtesy just as if you were a guest at someone else's home.