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Too many skids by too many different women

Hakunamatata127's picture

This is a lot so I'm gonna try to break it down as easily as possible.

I've been married to my husband for almost 1 year. We've been on and off (key word: on and off) for 9 years. All together he has 7 kids (two are my bio kids) 5 are bio. And 2 are not. The first non-bio kid of his is from one of his previous relationships whom he has one of his bio kids with. The second non-bio kid is my second born.

So here's the breakdown of his kids

Jordan (non bio) 13 y/o
Sean 12 y/o
Kayla (sister of first non bio) 10 y/o
Tatiana 9 y/o
Markus (my first born) 7 y/o
Amirah 1.5 y/o
Trey (my second born. His second non bio) 1.5 y/o

Every single kid has a different mother except mine (obviously) and Jordan and Kayla. So including me, there is 5 baby mothers. I have to deal with 4 different women.

When I first met him , he had 4 kids by 3 women. I was 'okay' with this. Except the fact that I was only 15 and was "in love". We had OUR first kid almost two years later. I grew to be close with his kids and baby moms. But him and I broke up a thousand times over the years. The most recent time we broke up, we both had one more child. Hence our "step-Irish twins". I was 7 months pregnant when we linked back up. His daughter was already almost 2 months old. He was in the hospital room when I gave birth. And we've been together since. His bio dad is hardly in the picture. And my husband has claimed him as his own. Therefore he calls him daddy and everything. He plans to adopt him. His latest baby mom had issues that caused dfs to give myself and my husband temporary sole guardianship right when I gave birth. From there, his baby mom disappeared for months at a time. We had her for close to a year before she started coming back around. In the meantime, I played mommy role for two newborns. And was completely okay with this. Until the bio mom came back in the picture and ripped it away. Now, the baby stays mostly with the mom and I want no parts in playing mommy anymore to her. Becuz of conflict of interest in raising her. But both my husband and her both think I should "babysit" when neither one of them is available to or has things to do becuz I'm unemployed at the moment.

Now, in addition to the baby issue. There are 3 other baby moms that I have to deal with. My husband works long hours. His schedule is never set. Therefore he can never be sure when he will have off or when he can get all his kids. But his baby moms will randomly say "they need someone to watch so-& so. Can u do it" and he will tell them yes. But will tell me that he told them that he will see what he can do. But then when it comes to the day they needed, here they come, but he ends up working. And I end up stuck with the kid(s). Second scenario (different baby mom) she will call him and say "you haven't seen so & so in x amount of weeks. You need to explain to her why u never see her" and then he gets on the phone with his kid and makes promises that he will try to get them this weekend. And the kids being young and excited think that means definite. So now his baby mom thinks he said they could come. And he refuses to correct them. So we end up getting the kids again while he works. And I'm stuck with them. Again.

My biggest issue is the fact that the kids should be coming to see their dad. But yet I'm the one that gets stuck with them. And secondly, I have two of my own young children that I try to pay attention to and can't seem to find the time and patience and energy to be able to after having to fight with him and his kids all week/weekend. I just feel like all his kids got mothers. If they come over, they should be over to see him. Not be stuck with me all day. I'm growing to resent both him and his kids. When they're here, I can't even be happy about it becuz I'm just fed up with being pulled in all these directions. Which is another issue. Since they all have diff moms, the living style is so diff. And when we get two or more of them at once and blend it with how I'm trying to raise my kids, it's just a circus. And I'm just so drained from all of this. At this point it just seems like it would be so much easier to just divorce him and be done with this whole imaginary blended family ish.

Hakunamatata127's picture

I'm sorry. This is why it's so hard to talk to anyone about it cuz no one understands. He has 5 bios.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Yes. So I guess I missed the whole the villain is my favorite character thing. Over my head.

Hakunamatata127's picture

It might come off as shocking, but I actually get along with all of them most of the time. Only time there's issues is when my husband disappoints the baby mothers. But then there causes issues between us. So it's just a sucky situation.

Disneyfan's picture

I think this is another crew. And not a Crew by a newbie.

This one has interesting names and a bunch of baby mommas-funny how that happened right after the blow up on the political blogs.

Disneyfan's picture

OK

ChiefGrownup's picture

Your last sentence is your answer. This man seduced you when you were 15. You were just a child. He has, in effect, helped "raise" you. And by that I mean he formed your sense of self, of normal, of what life should be like to a large extent. Believe me, he formed it to suit his own interests.

By my math your husband was probably at least 20 when you were 15. When your own kids start getting closer to their teens, and you yourself get older, you will absolutely freak out over this age differential. Right now it seems normal to you. In a few years it won't.

This man is a walking disaster. I'm sure there are things about him you find quite electric and mesmerizing. I'm here to tell you those things don't matter. You are finding out right now what does matter -- the quality of your own life, having a partner you can depend on, being loved by someone who treats with you respect.

The best possible thing you could do is cut your losses, in my opinion. Go with your last sentence and then move as far away as humanly possible. I do believe children need both parents whenever possible but this man is not much of a father to any of his kids. So just move away. Don't ask him for child support, just get whatever property is coming to you rightfully, and get totally free of him. Teach your kids independence and responsibility. If dad ever shows up wanting to be near them don't block him but I doubt you'll have to deal with that much.

Whatever you do, do NOT become another one of his baby-mamas begging for his attention and teach your kids to think better of themselves than that, too.

Good luck to you, you have got a lot on your hands, but you can do this. You will be so glad you did.

ChiefGrownup's picture

BTW, you won't get much cs out of him anyway. I say the leaving it all on the table is a small price for total freedom.

CANYOUHELP's picture

You need to take your kids and get out of the crazy mess you put yourself in.....You need peace, not him....

Rags's picture

Are you married to my Skid's SpermIdiot? He has 4 out of wedlock biospawn by three different baby mamas. My Skid is his eldest and our only.

I have a question. Why did you marry this guy in the first place? 3 baby mamas before you?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Because he got his hooks into her when she was 15. FIFTEEN.

She's been molded by him. She didn't know any better.

But she's got a good mind and good heart and she's learning and growing. She's already figuring out something is wrong with this picture in spite of him performing Jedi mind tricks on her daily.

She's going to figure it out. She's going to do great when she does.

Rags's picture

She sounds like my bride when she started dating the SpermIdiot. She had our son when she was 16. The SpermIdiot and his mother the SpermGrandHag manipulated adn controlled my wife for about a year until she gained the confidence to boot the SpermIdiot.

My bride went on to finish HS with her class and with honors then left the state of SpermLand for college taking the baby with her. She and I met during the last semester of my 11yr undergrad adventure and her first semester out of high school. SS-24 was 15mos old when we met and we married a week before he turned 2yo.

My bride went on to complete a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, and is now a CPA.

If the OP can continue on the path she is one she will do great.

Thanks for the clarification.