You are here

Thinking about abortion

teresalove's picture

My fiance and I have been together for almost a year. We have lived together and now have our seperate residences again. Our relationship is ok. We have been a couple for almost a year and are talking about marriage. I found out I am pregnant today. I thought I wanted a baby until now. I don't have any children. The reason that I'm thinking about getting an abortion is that I'm starting to think that our baby won't be special to him. He already has his favorite that he brags about. She is 5 and you would think that she is his only child, because he gets her on a regular basis. He has 2 more children that he sees sometimes. I felt our relationship was good and that I could give our baby all the love he or she would need. I'm now starting tp realize that he will not be able to help me put with much money because he has 3 other kids to support and our baby will not be special because his 5 year princess is his whole world. I know I should have thought about this before, but now I'm thinking that I just want to end it. When I do have a baby. I want that baby to feel that they are special from mom and dad, not some baby that the child's father just sees as another one added to the list.

Shelley's picture

Thank for the good comment. It is her decision and I would encourage to talk to a trained professional about it. It is a very personal decision. Whatever she decides, rest assured it will be the right decision.

hismineandours's picture

You are not even giving your boyfriend a chance? How do you know that he would not treat this baby as a special princess as well? I have an "ours" child with my dh. He already had a son and I already had two kids. I dont think my dh ever once thought of our child as "just another one added to the list" In fact, she is very special to him as he has had the opportunity to be with our child since she was born (other than his work situation) no custody issues,etc-just able to raise his duaghter in his own home with his wife.

FedUpFallon's picture

Personally, I do not believe in abortion. HOWEVER, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I (or anyone else for that matter) HAVE THE RIGHT TO INFLICT MY BELIEF'S ON ANYONE ELSE. It is your decision, not someone else's belief's.

VioletsareBlue's picture

Make a decision that is the best one for YOU. Not for anyone else. It's a hard place to be. Thank goodness you can talk about having choices.

regmom's picture

I almost aborted too but tell what I love my BD she makes me laugh and makes up for all my ups and downs. Dont do it babies are precious and not to blame for our mistakes. My bd is a year old and she is my joy

cmamma's picture

teresalove- I found myself in a very strange situation 16 months ago. I had met my now husband who had recently been separated from his now ex wife. He has 2 children with her, now my skids. We got pregnant only after a month of dating. I had known him since high school and had a great friendship with him, and knew what a great guy he was, we fell in love very quickly, both coming out of situations where we experienced great loss. I had lost my Mother to cancer, and he lost his family due to the ex-wife cheating on him with his best friend, while their son was having open heart surgery. I was told I would be unable to have children after I had my first son due to endometreosis. Well my miracle baby was now in my tummy, and I knew that it was something destined to be. My son's are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I believe everything happens for a reason. I don't think we are put in certain situations unless we have something to learn, or something to teach. I now have 2 step kids that drive me insane;) and a wonderful DH. We have our baby together and I have a 15 yr old as well. Some days I feel like I am trapped in an endless funnel of misunderstandings, other days I feel so blessed to have all the love I have in a blended family situation. I have learned that if you focus more on the positive then the negative, positivity will follow. I am gaining lots of tools through workshops in church, also counseling. I am also basically raising my skids because I am a stay at home Mom for now, and it feels like such a heavy burden, something I never envisioned for myself. I guess I am learning to love even when I don't like. I love my baby, and 15 yr old to the end of the universe, I don't have those same feelings for my skids unfortunately. I had to go through being shoved aside, during my pregnancy to protect BM's "feelings." Even though she was the one who left her family. And DH was under the guise that she would freak out if she found out I was pregnant right away and with hold his kids or something:? I have never felt so many mixed feelings in my life!! Like you, I feel he favors his daughter... She is the world to him, and comes even before SS. I do feel my baby was robbed and IS robbed of being "the special one." We get in fights all the time about it. I wonder sometimes if it is my own insecurities and resentments that make me feel this way. RESENTMENTS are like POISON, you drink the poison hoping the other person will die. The person that ends up dying is yourself... Holding all that stuff inside made me feel very angry and I became ill. Just tired and sick all the time. Trying to escape in unhealthy ways, I got to my wits end. I think acceptance is key here. I know my life will never be perfect. I also know that God sent me my husband, and for some reason I am supposed to be in his children's life as well. My children are a gift from God and I would do it ten times over to have my babies. BUT, I don't think I would ever date a man with children again in the future if our marriage didn't work out.

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

babies are wonderful and if yo uare willing to possibly raise your child aolone go for it. Many women say they regret an abortion BUT none of us regret out babies. Think about it.

itsgottostop's picture

YI would consider alternatives. In my opinion abortion should always be a last option. There are tons of people looking to adopt. People (myself included) who are unable to conceive themselves but so desperately want to be a mother. Honestly, it infuriates me to think about women who are able to concieve yet choose abortion when there are so many of us who want to have a baby more than anything in the world.