Serynity

Oh dear, I know you are hoping this guy you love so much will change, but he is deliberately doing the opposite of what a professional is advising him to do to:
a) help ss grow into a healthy, productive, happy and secure adult
b) to repair and nourish your marriage, so that it will last the long stretch
c) to help overcome your medical problems arising from this situation.

What man CHOOSES to flaunt the support they receive in the face of the woman they profess to love in order to point score?! :jawdrop:

In all honesty, you are in last chance saloon. Some people seek therapy as their last hope to salvage their relationship, it appears to me you are in this situation even if you do not acknowledge this. I went through this with my own DH and he LISTENED to the therapist, ofcourse things do not change IMMEDIATELY but he certainly made improvements relatively quickly and that demonstrated to me he was TRYING, he wanted to change how toxic things were.

Have you considered how long you are willing to undergo help from your counsellor?
Have you thought about what happens if DH continues blatently not caring for you?

You mention being depressed, having anxiety and even suicidal thoughts over this situation. Love is meant to be HAPPY, not killing yourself for.

Okay, marriage is not one long path of rainbow delight but your DH is too busy have a love affair with his son to even have room for you. Why are you even there?

I rarely say this to someone, but imo considering the severity of your thoughts and feelings I would recommend you neglect your marriage in lieu of working on your medical problems first and foremost. Honey, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You are so focused on DH and ss, while they are focused on themselves, so WHO is focused on YOU?!

In order to get your thoughts together, to think clearly (and I do not think you are now. You sound worn down, tired, sad,, panicky and desperate) you need to disengage from DH and ss. Let them have each other, this isnt about winning however you cannot continue to have a relationship with yourself! Fuck! That's not how marriage works. Where one keeps making the effort to the point of exhausting themselves physically and emotionally while the other goes through the motions with no *real* intent on investing in that relationship. No doubt your DH blames your reaction, feelings and views on your mental health issues - thereby completely dismissing you. He doesn't see what damage he is doing to his whole family while he makes himself happy.

If I were you, I would consider the things which make you happy (I appreciate when you in the throes of deep depression this likely will seem like nothing can make your heart lift or make you smile) but think about stuff which usually you enjoy. Involve friends and family who you KNOW are supportive and a positive influence. Try as much as you can to focus on your life and not on how mad/sad your DH/ss is making you (try to put them out of your head).

The only person who is going to pull you out of this funk is YOU. I would put the above questions I asked, to your therapist and mention you are thinking these things because of your DH's action (i.e. the fact he refuses to even try, and do not mean fake trying). Ask her what YOU can do in order to help yourself in this situation and I would not be shy about making it clear to DH that you are not ONLY thinking about saving your marriage but also what is right for you.

Seems to me, on the outside looking in, your DH is safely and smugly content in your desperate scramble to resolve your marital problems that you will never leave him. You need to make him work for things too, shake his delusion that he is able to coast and help destroy you.

I genuinely think when you realise that you have nothing to loose because DH is already pushing you over the brink, you will begin to see you can stand up and actually insist on being counted or you will seek alternative avenues.

Please please, make sure you speak to your family DR and your therapist in private that you are feeling suicidal, and believe me a marriage is NOT worth your peace of mind no matter how much you adore DH. You adore the *nice* side, which seems on short supply and please do not believe DH has changed if he makes a short term effort. So many men do that and pull the wool over their partners eyes!