Stepmom dealing with lying bio-mom, bio dad and the REAL bio dad
I am a 30 year old stepmother of one 7 year old little girl. My husband an I have been married for 1 year, but living together for 3 years. When I first met my husband he was a single father of a 3 year old little girl and there was no "baby mama" in sight. Perfect! I thought. I didn't have to deal with another woman and the child was young enough to not have picked up too many bad habits. The child has been living solely with us since we moved in together. We functioned as a 3 person family unit. The bio mom did have visitation on the weekends and my stepdaughter would occasionally stay the night at her mom's house. Fast forward to September 2013, my husband learns that his daughter that he has been raising basically alone since the kid was 2 years old was not his biological daughter! Turns out that bio mom had and affair with a soon to be pro football player while in a relationship with my husband. This guy was in a serious relationship of his own and before going into the NFL his lawyers contacted bio mom about the baby and for whatever reason, she lied and said that she was no longer pregnant.....but she really was and she blamed the pregnancy on my husband who was her boyfriend at the time. Apparently, Bio mom and bio dad had linked up when the child was 1 year old and began having an on again, off again affair. The bio dad's wife caught wind of him sending cash to this other woman and that's when things changed. Bio mom had been subpoenaed to family court because bio dad was seeking custody unbeknownst to him that my husband was raising the child. After a lengthy court battle, my husband is the legal primary parent, bio mom was granted 2 weekends/month and so was bio dad! Now, we're here. The child is ridiculously spoiled due to the 3 households. I can't stand this little girl half the time. Her mother is a horrible mother, yet she cries to go over her mom's house because her mother lets her do and say whatever she wants. She thinks her mom is so wonderful and the more time she spends with her the worse she has become. The bio dad has a wife who is so passive that the kid walks all over her....I'm so annoyed.
What kind of a judge gave
What kind of a judge gave your H primary custody over the bio-parents??
A very intelligent judge. My
A very intelligent judge. My husband has ALWAYS been the primary parent since the child has been born. The bio mother has never been really active in her daughter's life. As for the bio father, he only met the kid last year for the first time. My husband has been her father from day one.
chelledp - These are horrible
chelledp - These are horrible circumstances for both you and your SD. It seems you're both victims of the actions of three other people.
I know the SD's actions make it difficult (trust me, I know
) but do your best hold your H accountable for her behavior and actions. He must deal with it as her primary parent. If he treats her as a victim due to the extremely effed up situation, then she will turn out to be an entitled, irresponsible adult.
I am so sorry for your SD and for you. I sincerely hope she comes out of this unscathed. Her bio-parents really effed up her life. I hope you come back to get the support you need to weather this storm. I can't even imagine being in your shoes right now.
It's set up like an open
It's set up like an open adoption arrangement.
The situation has changed quite a bit sense you first met. Your instant family was torn apart. My heart goes out to you.
What do you plan to do? What does your BF think of all of this?
Thank you. We're in this and
Thank you.
We're in this and my stepdaughter is still in our home. We both love her to death. It's just hard. My husband cries, often. We're just winging it. We will continue to raise her the best we can, but she has to visit her mother and the bio dad. It is court ordered. By the way, bio dad lives out of the state so we have been forced by the courts to put our 7 year old daughter on a plane, alone, twice a month to visit a stranger.
So, your DH gets to raise
So, your DH gets to raise and pay for the kid and the bioparents get the fun weekends? All of them. WTF???
I hope your DH is nailing the toxic prostitute and NFL daddy vor BIG BUCKS!!!!
Yes. We pay for the child and
Yes. We pay for the child and the bio parents have ALL of the weekends. In order for my husband to lawfully gain primary custody in this situation he had to forfeit receiving any child support from the other parents. *Our state no longer recognizes a mother and a father, only "parents" due to gay/lesbian couples having different family structures. The court named all 3 (my hubby, bio mom, bio dad) as parents.
I understand that you guys
I understand that you guys love her, but why didn't you ask for an every other weekend thing? For you two, the non-biological "parents", to be the primary parents is just crazy. If biomom doesn't want full custody let her be raised by football player and wife. This is not fair to you! What about children of your own??
My H loves this little girl.
My H loves this little girl. Just think, up until last year, this was his bio daughter. His feelings for my SD have not changed. We believe that it is in SD best interest to remain in our home. It's the only home she knows. As for the weekends we tried to get a better agreement, but it didn't work out that way. This story has so many other details that I didn't drag out on my initial post. Like, bio dad only exerting his rights because his wife learned of the affair. The reason that bio dad claims he was sending money to bio mom aka his mistress was because of the child. In reality the money was being used on bio mom's needs/wants because my husband has been taking care of the child with no money from the mother. Although bio mom and bio dad have carried on a relationship throughout the years, bio dad has never had anything to do with the child...he still wants nothing to do with her. He told a lie to save his marriage and it snowballed from there. Plus bio mom threatened to reveal the truth about their secret child to his wife. So court proceedings began.
No, my husband is keeping
No, my husband is keeping her. He says that he can't give her away because she(the little one) loves him too much. He says that if he gave her up, that he would be able to eventually maybe make peace with it, but the little would be crushed. She is a daddy's girl. please keep in mind that the kid has NEVER lived in a home without my husband and she doesn't know bio dad. Bio mom just sucks.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. It is
Thank you so much. It is greatly appreciated. And so you know, bio dad doesn't want anything to do with SD. When SD visits bio dad's home, she spends her time with the wife and kids. Bio dad travels elsewhere......a total mess.
I think your husband is a
I think your husband is a better man than I am as I would have let the kid go. Let the two bios fight it out like any "normal" bio-parents.
I say think because I'm not so sure this arrangement is in the best interest of the kid. She'll eventually turn to the "real" parents in her life and more specifically the one who spoils her the most being the bio-father. She'll eventually figure out she can start telling everyone where she wants to live.
At this point she's going to move there eventually unless the unlikely thing happens which is the bio-father says no she cannot move there permanently. I.e. since its inevitable I'd do it now.
That's the nice guy in me. The not-so-nice guy in me says I'd take this to the rag scandal papers like the National Enquirer who would salivate at the mouth to hear about some NFL player, presumably earning 1/2 million to 1/2 billion a year who won't pay $1000 a month in child support for his love child. I think this guy would pop a half million just to shut your husband up.
In fact why haven't they been tipped already? In fact why am I wasting time here when I could earn a ten grand finders fee.
Bio dad wants nothing to do
Bio dad wants nothing to do with the little one.
Bio dad is now an EX NFL player....no more money.
The little one can't bare to be without my husband. She's a daddy's girl.
Again, she will remain in the only home that she has ever known.
You and your DH are truly
You and your DH are truly people of character and this little girl is lucky to have you both in her life.
Most other Skids only have to struggle with one end of their gene pool being shallow and polluted. This little girl's entire gene pool is toxic, shallow and polluted.
Luckily she has her REAL daddy and her REAL mom to raise her to viable adulthood and to guide her in countering her toxic gene pool.
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the positive comments. Much appreciated.
Another whore who never took
Another whore who never took into account how many people would be paying for her whorish ways. Way to go, dumbass BM!
I know a BM just exactly like
I know a BM just exactly like that....ugh.
Great.....they're everywhere.
Great.....they're everywhere.
Wow, that is a mess. Your
Wow, that is a mess. Your husband got primary custody because I am assuming he is on the birth cert.? By law, he was considered the legal parent, why the judge ordered what he did though I don't agree with it. Too many household & people, and it will be a bigger mess as she gets older.
No he can't just send the girl back to the bio dad, because no matter what he is legally responsible. What he should do is sign away his parental rights to the bio dad. He is being selfish imo, and he needs her to spend more time there and form more of a bond, and be a part of his family. And taper off slowly. It's doesn't get better if that is what he is thinking. Your own children, family members will be correct in saying.."she really isn't his", or no she isn't so and so's sister. And you can't blame them because they will be speaking the truth. So in the long run, you are hurting this child; best to correct it before she gets older imo.
A mess is an
A mess is an understatement.
Thank you for your thoughts, but I disagree.
Note that bio dad regrets that he moved forward with this. He was being pushed by his wife who is threatened by the bio mom/mistress. (That's a whole other story) Bio dad has expressed to us privately as well as to the courts that he has no interest being my SD's full time parent. He says that if he would have known about my husband's involvement bio dad would have never come forward. In addition, bio dad has left the responsibility of establishing any type of relationship with my SD to his wife. He's never at home for her visits.
You and your DH are truly
You and your DH are truly people of character and this little girl is lucky to have you both in her life.
Most other Skids only do not have to struggle with more than one end of their gene pool being shallow and polluted. This little girl's entire gene pool is toxic, shallow and polluted.
Luckily she has her REAL daddy and her REAL mom to raise her to viable adulthood and to guide her in countering her toxic gene pool.