The skids have been giving whatever they want because of guilt. It sounds like it was coming from both of their parents: at this point all of the kids are adults. They got new stuff for years while your kids went without. You have helped your DH pay for everything and gone above and beyind what is required of any SM. It will hurt; but both of you need to ignore them. The SDs will never grow up if you and your DH keep trying to make amends for lovng one another and trying to have a family. It's not fair to you, your DH; your biokids or the skids. I've seen the product of too much guilty love-they're lazy, entitled little brats who at 24 and 21 will pout and throw tantrums if they don't get what they want.
Talk to your DH: have your kids talk to him if you feel comfortable with that. Tell him thank you and tell him you love him. It won't fix everything, but it will show him that giving people what they need versus everything they want can make a huge difference in how someone turns out and how happy they are. And let the little spoiled girls be unhappy and spoiled. Eventually they'll see that diamonds are just rocks and a big screen tv can't love them they way a father can:

This is quite a sad but unfortunately familiar story. It really sucks that you and your DH strived for equality in all relationships with his children but BM has ruined a lot of these chances. I don't know about being a BM and I don't know of being married for that matter either. However, I have heard such similar stories before and I have heard many on here. I don't get why there should EVER be competition between mom and dad. I know people have emotions and are in all kinds of situations with exes but it's just so unhealthy for the kids. I don't believe it's the skids fault either. Your DH was put in a bad situation and he stepped up as a responsible father who takes care of all his children yet BM felt the need to throw it in his face by spoiling the kids so she can one up their father. This is the behavior of a 5 second old gnat if you ask me. VERY immature. How these BM's feel that they should/can use their children to torture and punish their ex husbands is beyond me. I can't even think about it too long because I just get so sad over it.

My SO has two daughters, SD20 and SD23. Now, he left over a year ago when the girls were adults. He fell out of love with BM more than 10 years ago but stayed in the relationship with her for the benefit of his children having a whole family. He sacrificed so his kids would not suffer. Right, wrong or indifferent, he did what he thought was best. He believe that to this day and I think I agree some days, others not so much. However, it is what it is and moving right along...his daughters have said all kinds of hurtful things to him. As mentioned he didn't love BM anymore and she was not "dutiful" as she has now described herself to her lawyer. She was an absentee parent much of the time, she didn't cook, clean, do things for kids as most mothers do or at least as most SHOULD do. She missed holidays, family vacations, games, practices etc. My SO took those kids EVERYWHERE with or without her. She sat around the house eating bon bons and ordered from the HSN with his money. She took no pride in raising her children and quite frankly I don't think she even deserves a title such as "Mother" because she doesn't act like on even now. As a result, the girls have relied on daddy their whole life for everything, understandably so. However, when he left the house (now remember girls are women now in their 20's) they said things like, "I don't even know who you are anymore." The older one said, "I used to be proud to call you my father." All because SO moved out and fell out of love with their mother. After all he has done for them their whole lives, after how much he has put into his relationship with them, after sacrificing his own happiness for THEM this is how they treat him. He excuses it by saying that they were hurting when they said it but it absolutely crushed him. My issue is with what they said AND the way they said it. You are not 6 years old and don't understand the impact of what you say on someone so close to you. You are 23 and you MORE than comprehend hurting someone's feelings and watching what you say to someone. It was then that I lost respect for both of them as women and decided that I don't care who hurts my SO, I don't like anyone who does it. Therefore...my relationship with SD's is going to be strained and there's nothing I can do about it.

My feeling is that your SD18 will feel guilty for this if she is a decent, genuine human being. If not...she will try to squeeze DH dry of every penny he has. She knows he loves all his kids this is just an excuse and something she can use against DH to make him feel bad. It's a cruel and evil game but lots of SD's play it. Mine do and as mentioned...no respect for them because of that. I hate thinking that these men we love have raised ungrateful, hateful human beings but they didn't do it alone. BM's who have no clue and don't care have had a hand in this and it's a real shame.

I'm sorry catsfan...I really hope SD's will turn out better. DH has options you know, he needs to put his foot down with that behavior NOW because if he doesn't he's gonna be kissing @ss for the rest of his life with them. SM's on here will tell you...this behavior can be prevented and if you start now perhaps you will have a much better situation.

Good luck to! I'm sorry you are sad...I feel badly for you and DH this is not easy I know.

Oh, don’t you just love the old inventory thing? I see you got a new truck or a new sofa or a new toaster and yet you said you didn’t have enough money to give to me? As if it’s any of their business. These sorts of issues crop in many families--step or not. I have listened as daughters bitterly badmouthed their mothers for daring to buy something for herself rather than buying them a new wardrobe. My EX actually had the audacity to royally ream out his father for purchasing a new car without first asking his permission.

There is no limit to the disgusting demands of these remarkably greedy children. They couldn’t care less if you end up smack broke living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere. But they were taught that this and nothing less is their due.

Believe me BM is in there like a dirty shirt fueling the false perception that your bio children are getting more. What the heck is her problem anyway, she has a husband. Far as I am concerned she and he should be footing most of the bills, and stop with the competition already.

These girls need to learn they are not the center of the universe. They have four parents and you and your husband have already provided so much to them. But once they have reached this stage of greedy entitlement they behave like any addict—nothing else matters but the next fix.

They aren’t playing nice either. I hope your husband can dig up some rightly deserved anger toward those two. Manipulative hurtful words like “we won’t need you much longer” need to be confronted on the spot. But like most of us, we are so taken aback to hear such mean disregard coming from the mouths of cute lil girls we are left speechless.

I think cutting off the extras is the right thing to do. And going to counselling is also a great idea. Your husband will need support from a few outside sources. It is a horrible position to end up in after all those years of sacrifice, and you sure didn’t deserve the outcome, but feeding it isn’t going to make it go away.

As Shakespeare’s King Lear said, “How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child! And he was left dealing with the folly of old age, and the ingratitude of youth.” As selfish as this may sound to some, don’t ever make the mistake of putting your children above yourself.