Does the CO stipulate that child support should be spent on clothes that both houses share? Maybe you can keep the receipts for the jackets and subtract that from next month's child support. Check with your lawyer, I'm no expert.

Simply file all the receipts for things bought for skids and everything you pay for them...

The day might come you can not afford the CS, or needs it to be lowered and you will have years and years of receipts showing that you actually paid for all and BM for none, who knows, a judge might just take your side

My husband has a section in his CO that says BM must provide SD with everything she needs for her EOWE visits at our house. It's mainly referring to clothing, but if we plan on doing something like going skating while she's here, then BM must send her skates.

Could your husband perhaps have something like this added to his CO?

Some parents are so selfish. My mother was like this- had the best for herself while we went without. I'm only mentioning this because she would state her thinking out loud. She did work, but she felt like she deserved things for raising us. She felt like she paid for the roof over our heads and provided food, so she could spend cs on whatever she wanted to pay herself back for that. (I know your BM doesn't even work).

Believe me, the kids notice what she has compared to what she does for them. They notice she doesn't work. Eventually, they'll get pretty angry about it. Sad, but true. I don't think there is really any way to ensure that she spends cs on the kids. If you guys wish to provide more, of course, do save every receipt.

The only silver lining I can think of is that someday cs will end. At that time she'll have no career built for herself and will not be able to afford the things she is buying herself now.

I know that you and your DH don't want the kids to go without but as long as you keep supplementing her, she's going to take advantage of it.

Sadly in some cases BM can spend the money on whatever she sees fit. As annoying as it is household bills are apart of raising a kid and I personally have no issue with the money going to pay rent or the electric bill.

However I do start having issues when BM is perfectly maintained in terms of clothing, well manicured fingernails, and the newest best phone. Of course those could be gifts BUT I question it. I also HATE how some of them drop the kids on other people so they can go use the child support to go party.

I wish it was easier to get the court to change custody when it's clear that BM is taking care of herself first and the children last if at all. Any good parent will go without to make sure the kids don't.

For example I'd like a new pair of work shoes but the kids needed winter coats. My shoes can wait. However BM has this REALLY nice new coat we've seen her in and yet the kids jackets from her are from last year and don't even fit.
Again MAYBE it was a gift but this isn't a one off.

BM used to do the same thing. When DH and I were dating, she came up to him and said she needed him to pay over $100 that day for Boy Scout stuff (we were at an event, so it could be paid). She then said she needed gas money to tale YSS to the doctor and would need money for his prescription.

In literally the next breath, she asked how DH liked her new belly button ring piercing. Yep, she lifted up her den mom shirt to show him.

DH wasn't making much at the time, so CS was very eager, which is why he would pay 100% for other things when he had it extra. The Boy Scouts thing didn't bother him or me. However, the medicine and gas money? BM wasn't working and had the kids on Medicaid, so the med co-pay was less than $15. Gas would have been $15 max. She needed $30 to buy essentials for the boys that she didn't have, but spent at least $50 on a new piercing. I was floored, and wondering what she was treating herself for. Being a mom to kids who are in school while living in a filthy house with no job isn't that hard.

Anyway, I wish I had a solution for you other than just sharing sympathy. Keeping receipts and taking pictures of the extras you buy is a good start. Keeping records of her texts or emails asking for things is another. Make sure that anything you send to her place doesn't have tags or receipts where she can return it. Don't buy nice things for the kids that she can sell for a decent value. Buy in small quantities so it would make it harder to sell. If the kids need something nice for when they are with you, keep it at your house.

Once BM sent SS who was in elementary school at the time, to school in her jacket WITH HER CIGARETTES IN HIS POCKET. The school called to notify me of "the incident" after BM frantically texted me, asking if when I picked SS up from school that day (we had him every weekend at the time) if I could grab her ciggys too. She said the secretary understood and felt bad throwing them out "because cigarettes are expensive". Turns out that was the exact opposite of the case.

How old is the step daughter? I wouldn't have said anything to the child about child support.

But yes, I would let the courts know if it came to that.

“We just remind the kids repeatedly that things need to stay at our home so they have them when they need them.”

this, what Dontfeedthetrolls said.

BM is high maintenance AND high conflict, so she can never be called out on her behavior. It will not change. When DH finally found his balls, and informed his lawyer how Skid was being sent to our home (no jacket, two sizes too small shoes and underwear, etc), he instructed us to purchase those things (of course, we already had), but to keep those things at our house away from BM. That we couldn’t control how BM spent child support, but we could lead by example, in providing for skid, while showing what a lame and selfish parent she was.

Nothing wrong with buying clothing for your house, to be used while the children are in your home.

BM is required to buy the kids stuff too. That IS IS IS what CS is for.

It is unreasonable to ask paying parent to supply clothing for custodial home.

If you decide to supply her house with clothing when she receives child support---that is just crazy on your part. That is not being nice that is being used.

Perhaps your husband can take her back to court and have how the money is spent with a little more detailed regarding clothing etc.

And sometimes you just got a let go. We have been supporting my husband‘s child 100% for the last eight years. Biological mom provides absolutely nothing. Sometimes she mails her daughter her used clothing that she got tired of but that’s about it. Sometimes you just got to let go or the anger will eat you up.

Kids are not stupid and they'll soon realize that they never have anything while she is always decked out.

My exMIL used her CS to buy herself all the new best things. ExH remembers many many incidents where he and his siblings went without while she was dressed to the nines.
None of her children or grandchildren talk to her now.

Being a BM and a SM....I stand in both roles.

As a BM, I have a separate account for my CS. I have two children and my ex is very responsible in paying and sharing the kids expenses. I do not allow my DH access to this account. This account is for my children's expenses only.

Now as SM, my DH ex wife was suppose to be paying the CS....but alias she is a deadbeat. My DH wanted initially for me to put my children's CS in the joint account and I refused.

My children's CS is their money. I provide the house, food and clothing for them on a daily basis. The child support their father provides pays for all the extras that I can not afford.

Now, my EX Husbands new wife, would claim I do not need the CS because the kids do not need some of the items they have and she gets angry whenever my EX husband pays his half of the extras like school trips, medical bills, and etc. All approved by my EX before the expense is incurred. However, I feel my ex and I have a healthy relationship regarding our children.

Not all BMs spend the CS money inappropriately. I am always amazed at how many BM make the some of look bad.

In our case, BM was primary caregiver, and DH gave her money.

Despite being primary caregiver and getting extra money to take care of ss, SS was usually with DH/me, and DH was the one buying things. More often than not, these things would end up at BM's, and we'd have to buy another for our place.

Eventually, DH got wise (with a little prodding...lol) and started putting ss back in the clothes etc that she'd send him in.

Our routine became such that as soon as ss would arrive, he'd go change... and then change again to go home.

Where previously ss would go back to BM's after the weekend with new stuff, now it was the same stuff she'd sent him to daycare with Friday morning. She started complaining that DH wasn't changing ss etc during the weekend... DH set her straight, that he had things at his home, she wasn't the only one who had things for ss...

With my own kids, it's slightly different.. we don't care what goes where. We both buy them things for our own homes - if the kids bring them to the other place, too bad so sad, you'll get it next week, shouldn't have brought it over, you'd have it now. But neither of us avoid getting the kids what they need... so... lol

DH and I were talking about this today, the situation not steptalk specifically.

He told me of the second Xmas after he and BM had split. He'd been to the states shopping with his Mom and sister. He'd bought a ton of presents for his kids.
BM called saying that she needed money to buy the kids their Xmas presents. He said he'd already bought gifts for them from him, she could buy for them from the $5K he'd just given her for CS.
She lost it! That money was already spent on all the things she needed and if he didn't give her any money his kids wouldn't have a Christmas.
He said yes they will, I have presents for them!

I was shocked. Where was this man when we met 2 years after that? He laughed and said he wasn't sure but that BM had just really pissed him off with her attitude. He had presents for his kids, that he'd give them Xmas eve, so he knew their Xmas wouldn't be ruined.

Needless to say, BM figured out a way to get the kids gifts, maintaining her MOTY status. She also never asked for Xmas money again!