SS9 Complaining About Vacation
We made plans a few months ago to go to Six Flags for a few days in August. We've already paid for the trip and made all our reservations. I'm not excited to go, because I know I'll be stuck with the stepbrats the entire time, listening to them complain about how bored they are, or how tired, or how hungry, or whatever.
Out of the blue last night, SS9 had a bona fide screaming fit over this trip. DH told the skids about it the other day, and initially they were all excited. For some reason, now SS9 says he's not going, and he doesn't want the rest of us to go, either.
Seriously, this kid literally screamed and cried and howled for over an HOUR about it. DH took him up to his room and shut the door, but I could still hear SS9 screaming, and I was downstairs in another part of the house!
SS9 says he refuses to leave town for any reason now, and that DH needs to understand that he's not "able" to go anywhere on vacation, so he said DH needs to cancel that trip so SS9 won't have to go.
Why DH even attempts to engage in these types of conversations is beyond me. He doesn't have the backbone to say "Look kid, you're GOING. END OF STORY. Now quit yer bitchin'!"
No, no, no. He won't do that. He sat up there with SS9 for an hour, BEGGING him not to cry. I eavesdropped a bit - yeah, I admit it. I went upstairs and stood in the hallway to listen to what DH was saying. I heard DH say "But we made these reservations months ago. I've already paid, SS9! What do you expect me to do? You want to ruin everybody else's good time by making us all stay home now?" SS9 kept crying and said he didn't CARE if he ruined anybody else's good time, because all HE was worried about was not being expected to go out of town! He called DH cruel and mean for even expecting him to go in the first place, and making plans for vacation without telling him first!
Honestly, I don't know how much more of this I can take. DH told me this morning that he's thinking about cancelling the trip now, because "SS9 will just ruin it if we go now."
OH HELL! God forbid the snowflake should have to do something fun like go on vacation!
I am losing my mind of this crap!!!
THIS
THIS
^^ Like ^^
I daydream about separate
I daydream about separate vacations! That's sounding better and better these days!
My kids and I used to have wonderful vacations together. Nothing extravagant, but they were totally devoid of this bullshit and drama. We just went and had a good time, nothing more.
The skids just CANNOT allow that to happen. At least one of them has to have a hissy fit over something or other every damn day!
Heh! He's already been
Heh! He's already been there! He had an epic fit last year that landed him in a psych ward for 2 weeks (BM and DH had him committed).
I don't know why DH feels it's so crucial to involve the skids in every little decision we make. In my opinion, when it comes to kids, they need to accept that some things are just NOT their decision to make. They don't get a vote. DH doesn't see parenting that way. He feels that he has to bargain and negotiate with his kids over EVERYTHING. Hell, even school is optional for this kid. He's already missed almost 30 days of school this year because he didn't feel like going.
I SERIOUSLY dread to see what he's like as a teenager. I don't think our marriage will survive it, if we even make it that far.
Begging, pleading, bribing, bargaining with a kid? UGH. Not in MY lifetime would I ever do that! DH does, and he doesn't see it as a problem. He's just SOOOO worried about one of his kids not being totally happy all the time, and he bends over backwards to accommodate every little stupid whim they come up with, and every little tantrum they have. It's SICKENING.
I agree, sounds like bm has
I agree, sounds like bm has been putting thoughts in ss head
That was my thought, too. I
That was my thought, too. I asked DH if maybe, just maybe BM has said something to SS9. DH said he doubted it. "SS9 is just very sensitive. It's his personality. You have to understand that, ncgal. He's just a highly sensitive person, and I have to take that into consideration when I deal with him." :sick:
Leave him home with BM.
Leave him home with BM.
Exactly what i was thinking
Exactly what i was thinking
Wow, if that was my kid, I'd
Wow, if that was my kid, I'd have left him alone in his room to have a fit.
I'll never understand why some parents engage in this behavior with their child. It's a kid. You TELL them, you don't ask, you don't discuss.
sheesh!
That's the point I've been
That's the point I've been trying to get across to DH since we got married, and he's just NOT getting it.
If that had been my kid, I'd tell him he's going, and that's that. I'd have then given him about 30 seconds to calm the fuck down. If he didn't calm down, I'd have swatted that ass and sent him to sit on the front steps outside until he could act like a decent kid and come back inside.
But to go up there and try to "reason" and "bargain" with him to soothe his wittle bitty feelings? HELL NO!
I agree a good spanking will
I agree a good spanking will get through to even a psychotic kid. Instant consequence.
I also agree with leaving the kid with Mom. If Mom won't co-operate then husband can stay behind with the kid. You and your kids go and if there are other step-kids involved then taking them is up to you.
He was excited at first, but
He was excited at first, but now he's declared that he simply can NOT go out of town anymore. I'm not sure why, but the case is closed as far as SS9 is concerned. HE'S not going to Six Flags, and neither are the rest of us because SS9 has declared it to be so!
These skids just slay me. They'll walk up to DH, arms crossed, and just lay down the law. "I absolutely will NOT GO, Daddeee! I am NOT GOING!"
And to the skid, that's the final word right there. The way they see it, DH doesn't have the right to argue with them, and you know what? A lot of the time, he doesn't.
The most he'll do is try to bargain with them. "Hey look, son, if you'll just please please please come with us, I'll buy you something special when we get there! You know they've got a gift shop, right? Well...I can get you something there. Or maybe some ice cream? I'll let you listen to my ipod all the way there and back, and play games on my phone! So please, huh? Come on buddy! Would you be all right with that?"
:sick:
(This is an exchange I had the pleasure of witnessing the last time we went to the zoo together, about a month ago, when SS7 didn't want to go. I wanted to THROTTLE that little brat!)
"Why do they do it?" DH often asks me. Uh...because it WORKS, dumbass!
That is NOT attractive.
That is NOT attractive.
Nope! Not even
Nope! Not even slightly!
It's affecting our, ahem, love life. I can't get these visions out of my head of him bowing and scraping before the stepbrats. It's...immasculating, and as you said, NOT attractive. Not at all.
Reminds me of our disastrous
Reminds me of our disastrous camping trip. Skids were excited to go. But when we actually WENT, it was like we were torturing them. The bugs! No place to charge electronics! Scary people might come while we sleep in tents!
Um, yeah, we ended up packing up camp and driving back home. Thanks, BM, for filling your children's heads with anxiety.
Mine are the WORST for this
Mine are the WORST for this type of thing. Our BM is guilty of doing that, too, scaring them to death about bugs and the boogey man and snakes and anything else she can think of. They won't even play outside, at all. DH sometimes tries to send them out, but they're back inside within five minutes playing video games again. It's really sad.
I've told DH that we'll never take them camping until they learn to deal with the great outdoors in a sane, rational manner and not squeal like a little girl every time they see an insect. He wanted to go camping last summer, but I knew what disaster THAT would be! I told him they could go without me. He ended up not going after they pitched a damn FIT at the mere suggestion of it.
I can hear them now:
"Ew! A bug just flew past my head! Ew! I think there's a SNAKE over there! EW EW EW!!"
*flitterflitterflitter* *flappyhands* *runs away*
Leave the 9 year old at home
Leave the 9 year old at home with his mom. Take everybody else. Come back with your photos and show what a great time you all had without him.
I don't know what's more
I don't know what's more unbelievable. Your DH for being such a wuss or SS for being such a brat!
I'd be doing what everyone else suggests and leaving the child behind. Take your kids, leave DH with his kids and have a great time with no worries.
Sounds like your Skids all have serious issues and I don't envy you at all. The one I have is bad enough. I think if there was more than one I'd have walked away by now for sure. I'm barely hanging in as it is!
Do what is best for you and yours, because I'm damn sure your DH won't.
When ss9 said he wasn't going
When ss9 said he wasn't going to go, DH should have calmly said, "Oh, well that's too bad. We sure will miss you." And left it at that. There is a long time between now and August, he can change his mind 20 times between now and then.
My kids and I are all "highly sensitive" but that's not the issue here. At ALL. I think there is more going on with the kid. He was committed for two weeks? Are you the same one w/ the skid who refused to play baseball? Either way, this kid needs a shrink.
Oh yeah, SS7 refused to play
Oh yeah, SS7 refused to play baseball. SS7 was the one who was committed for 2 weeks. SS9 hasn't been too much trouble until recently, but now with this high-drama crap, I'm SERIOUSLY disengaged from these kids. I can't take their whining and crying and bullshit all day long.
I enjoyed a weekend without them this past weekend, except for one desperate, tearful phone call from BM that threw everything into a tailspin last night. I'll post separately about that.
DH knows that I'm about *thisclose* to being just totally done with all of it, including our marriage. He desperately hangs on to the "But they're just KIDS!" excuse.
He used that one time too many after BM's phone call and I shot back, "You're right that they're just kids. My kids are 'just kids,' too, but I damn sure never have this much drama and bullshit out of them! You're also right, DH, that the skids can't help the way they act. Know why? BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU AND BM RAISED THEM!"