ss14 is dad's second skin and permanent baby!
Can a boy child be a mini-wife? My SS14 is on my husband like a second skin from morning to night. I am the third wheel since he has come to live with us. Do not know of any gender issues with child and know husband is dealing with guilt over not having opportunity to spend time with his three older kids when they were young but, is this anything anyone has seen before? This child looks just like him and husband treats him like a baby and tells him all the time that he can never grow up and leave his daddy. Kid has no chores, no rules, no respect for himself or anyone else. After eight years I have given up trying to be a part of his children's lives cause they (kids and bio parents) have made it very clear that my input isn't needed or wanted. They do however, expect me to be the maid and babysitter. Storm's a brewing and this will all be laid out on table when hubby gets back stateside. Would appreciate any words of wisdom since hubby has on blinders when it comes to this child and I do not want to alienate him - just want my husband back, preferably without a huge stinky 14 year old around his neck! Help!
My SS is 6, but if my BF wore
My SS is 6, but if my BF wore a skirt he'd be under it. I hope it doesn't stick around until the teen years. I can't stand the creepy arm stroking as is.
It's the constant touching
It's the constant touching and million "I love you daddy"'s that drives me to distraction. Every time I try to say something he throws another one out there which my husband responds to, before looking at me blankly and asking me what I said! It's nuts!!!
yes, children of both genders
yes, children of both genders can be mini wives.
its taking a child and making them your partner, which should be your spouse.
The child is stunted
The child is stunted emotionally and mentally I think. If I put an age on him based on his abilities it would be maybe 8 or 9. And it isn't a developmental disorder or a mental handicap - just a really great way to shirk having to do anything for yourself I think. And it's working like a charm, because there isn't anyone in the entire family who wants to put up with him or who will ask him to do anything because it's more trouble than it's worth! And with very little reasoning ability or age-appropriate self control, I find it frightening that every gift he is given by both bio parents and his step dad are weapons! There is no teaching of safety to go along with this of course. And I have given away or sold all the animals we had because I was the only one who got upset when the goats and chickens and sheep were used as targets! My car was also a target though I caught that when it was happening and redirected their aim to their father's vehicle. When his dad deployed ss took his arsenal to his mom's and I am going to have to deal with that as well cause to tell the truth, it has crossed my mind how easy I would be to eliminate permanently! My parents worry and my children worry and all the husband and bio mother seem to be able to see is what a cute little baby he is! Very thankful for my great dane and the fact that she sleeps at the foot of my bed!
I love great danes! I've had
I love great danes! I've had them my whole life.
They are the best dogs on the planet .... and Pomeranians.
And a big shout out to all
And a big shout out to all who have responded to my dilemma so far and any that respond hereafter, because I have been living this hell all alone and you guys feel like such loving and wise kindred spirits! So thankful to have found this place!
I was you for almost 9 years
I was you for almost 9 years and then one day I literally couldn't take it anymore. Well BM had a lot to do with it too.
I told my DH that if he didn't start setting boundaries with the kids and BM and handing out discipline that was sorely needed I was going to divorce him and I was dead serious and her KNEW it.
We have been going to a marriage counselor since last September. Well, we had to go through a few before we found one who fit. He specializes in stepfamilies. It has made a HUGE difference. Our MC will help your DH see that discipline, respect and boundaries are necessary for a solid family. He will also show your DH that he is emotionally stunting him by enabling him to be a baby.
My DH and horseface BM do this to my SS16 and now they are starting to see what a mistake it is. He is irresponsible and does not want to grow up and cannot be trusted with anything.
He has also wreck his car 2 times in 4 months. He totaled 2 (his and another car) and severly damaged 4 others. Because he wants to be a baby.
Hell just 3 short years ago he would sit on the couch sucking his thumb and holding a tattered green, stinky blanket. I threw it away when no one was looking. Gross, I know.
You need to drag your DH to a counselor who deals with stepfamilies. Or threaten to leave if things do not improve to your liking. When I threatened I effing meant it!
Not sure I could hogtie him
Not sure I could hogtie him and drag him to counseling but if he doesn't agree to discuss and make changes that will be my next direction. As we live in a very backwards state in a rural area there is next to nothing that I have found support-wise for much of anything and step-families sounds way to specialized for this podunk place. However, it is going on the list along with all other suggestions I've gleaned from here. And already putting things in place to leave if I must. I'm hoping that this marriage means enough to him that straightforward talk will shake some sense into him. And he knows I will leave cause I left an abusive relationship long ago with no money, two babies and two suitcases. Sounds like you have fared well and that things are looking up and that will give me hope! And, lucky me, I have a faithful four-legged companion who is always willing to listen when I need to bend someone's ear! (Yes, Great Danes are the greatest! She is my valiant protector!) Thanks for responding - helps just to now that someone else has been in this situation and glad to know you are getting results.
The male miniwife in my
The male miniwife in my situation didn't stop until SS went into rehab for drug addiction. SS put a stop to it because HE recognized it wasn't healthy. I give SS (and his counselors) a lot of credit. Three years clean.
THESE PARENTS MAKE THEIR KIDS
THESE PARENTS MAKE THEIR KIDS FREAKS. Probably the boy would be quite normal without an infantilizing Daddy. I feel sorry for you as I am going through it myself. I have a SD 11 that is treated like a 4 year old and acts accordingly. Completely helpless. Lazy. Daddy stunted this young man. Both need professional help.