Should SO talk to skids about engagement?
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years (in June). We have a May December relationship. He has 2 daughters (14 and almost 11) who live in the same city as us and we see every other weekend and school functions, etc. We have a really good relationship, I spend time alone with the girls, have lots of fun together, and are all very open with each other. I just moved in fully with SO about 3 weeks ago. He talked with the kids before we made the decision and they were fine with it. Their mother is GREAT! (A rarity, I know). I really like her, spend time chatting when I pick up the kids, she invites me to events, includes me on important emails and texts, etc and is just all around a great person. She always puts the kids first and doesn't play games.
My SO and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while now, and we went "ring shopping" last night.I suspect we will probably get engaged mid June, which is my birthday and our 3 year anniversary.
I feel like he should talk to the girls about this before he "pops the question". I feel like surprising them with an engagement may make them feel caught off guard or even resentful, like we were "pulling something over" on them. They have never said anything like this, this is just me worrying. Our relationship has evolved very naturally and I'm in a great place with the girls, and I want them to be part of the process (living together, the wedding, etc)
What do you think? Should I talk to my BF and make sure he brings this up with the girls before he asks me? On one hand, I want to make sure the girls feel comfortable and included, but on the other hand we are adults and don't need children's permission to make life decisions. I just don't want to make waves.
Keep in mind things are REALLY good! Great bio mom, great kids (no disrespect or trouble at school problems). Just want to keep everyone happy and included!
I talked to SO about it over
I talked to SO about it over lunch and he agreed that he should talk to the girls privately about it. He said he just had to "find the right time". Well we have them this weekend so hopefully that is the right time!
I talked to SO about it over
I talked to SO about it over lunch and he agreed that he should talk to the girls privately about it. He said he just had to "find the right time". Well we have them this weekend so hopefully that is the right time!
I think it is a case by case
I think it is a case by case thing. DH I think mentioned it to SS6 but when I actually got my ring neither was around. We were already considered common law married, and I have several rings - the first MIL and I picked out and bought together with DH's card, the second one DH and SS picked out, and the most recent one and that I wear on date nights, or for fancy occasions (I don't always wear my rings, DH works offshore so can't wear one for safety reasons so there is really no push or worry for me to wear mine as he knows with or without it I am his) DH got his friend to sneak onto the porch one day before Christmas while I was out running errands - it was a sweet gesture.
I am glad your SO thinks he can involve the girls and wants too I know I kind of wish when my father and I got along he would have but I didn't meet my first stepmom until 6 months into their marriage because though my dad and I would talk on the phone he wouldn't give my mom a visitation date I could fly down. And with the second I was at the wedding but found out a few weeks before just long enough to ensure I had a dress. All of this was before the blow up causing the estrangement.