Should I Stay or Should I go???
Hi there everyone I am new to this site and I am so happy that I have found it...I already feel so much better. I feel that I have no one to talk to on this issue so if u all can please give me some advice...
The situation is Me and my bf live together. My son is always with me I have custody of him, his son comes to visit every other weekend. My bf son is Autistic and is non-verbal, my son happens to be tall for age, very bright for his age and everyone loves him. I made a very strong plan to treat them the same. Same bedtime, same bath time, everyone cleans up, everyone shares. Well that lasted about one weekend visit. My bf told me that it isnt fair that they have to do everything the same when his son is older. Now mentally his son is about 1yrs old however he is actually 6 and my son is 3, my son is very independent, potty trained, and a typical 3 yr old boy. In my opinion they are not far apart in age enough to make a huge distinction. They are both children. Well my bf shut this down so I let it go. When his son is here he doesnt have to sleep in the kids room he sleeps with him. When his son is here he doesnt have to take a nap/quite time. When his son comes over we have to do something special. Well this isnt the worst of it. I mearly implied that my bf son be taught boundaries in the house for his own safety at least, huge mistake he blew up on me, saying his son is free to be anywhere in the house, mind you we do not let my son near the home office, in the kitchen without a grown up, and he can only go in the bathroom to do his business, he doesnt even ask I set up rules that there are grown up areas and kid areas. Over the past 6-9 months we have had @ least 4-5 full blown out fights about issues concerning his son. Now its not that I say critically bad things about him @ all for example we trained my son to put on his movies and watch them quietly bv my bf works graveyard. However his son comes over makes endless noise and my bf sleeps right through it, but if my son were to giggle a little to loud at a movie he wakes up and tells me to keep him quiet. I am @ my wits end I understand that his son is autistic however having done my own reasearch on the disease and having spoke with a very big memeber of the autism community they have adviced that u must also give them discipline, boundaries, responsibilities, and consequences just like other children and her biggest advice was to treat all the kids the same. I have recently become disengaged from the situation bc my bf would ask me to babysit but if he came home and his son was in timeout he would trow a fit demanding to know what he did. I have tried @ least 3 times to talk to him and that his favortism and lack of everyone else's happiness is hurting our relationship but he just snaps on me...Please HELP I dont know what else to do.
Should I STAY or SHOULD I GO????
Funny how I can feel that
Funny how I can feel that but I guess need to see it from someone else to justify my feelings or if its ok to just walk away...but ur right I should be thankful that I see this now instead of later..Thanks.
I wish it could be that
I wish it could be that simple. This has already been done...the respected member is mutual aquaintance of ours and has on numerous times spoke with him...He agrees but still acts the same way...I think that he feels that because we are both women we that she is siding with me. He also knows all of the research that I have done. Hes seen me reading books and knows that I can carry on a full fledge conversation in depths because of my reasearch he has even thanked me for wanting to know more about it but he still acts this way.
TIME TO GO! I am the oldest
TIME TO GO!
I am the oldest of three boys. No autism or any challenges other than child onset diabetes for me. I am six years older than my younger brother (my youngest brother died of miningitis when he was 10mos old - I was 8yo)
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Everything was the same for my younger bro and I until I got in to my teens. He was still held to the kid bed times, etc .... and I was allowed more priviledges.
With a 3yr difference I would stick to the consitent rules platform until the oldes is in his Mid teens.
If your BF does not agree, hit the road. He sounds like he is battling with a monumental case of guilt parenting.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I agree with all the
I agree with all the previous comments. If things are not improving and as long as you know and feel in your heart that you have done everything you can to make it work (which it sounds like you have), then get out now before it gets worse.
You can only do so much to help someone...if they're not willing to listen or help themselve then its time for you & your child to move on. You don't want your son growing up thinking your BF behavior is acceptable and start picking up his bad habits...?