to Steptalk.

WELL. Sounds like hidnsight is 20/20, and you got married in rose colored glasses.

It seems like you might be in for a loooooong time of this, so read and post as much as you like.

I am sure the really smart people on the board will give better advice than me. Have you tried talking to your husband? 

Did you DH offer to buy you a new couch?

You say your husband has tried to discipline his son.  I would suggest that he hasn't tried very hard if the child is still behaving as you describe.  Has he laid out clear expectations and the consequences for not behaving as expected, and then does he consistently impose those consequences?  If not, he hasn't really tried.  It seems like the tablet might be this kid's currency.  Has your husband taken his tablet away for the weekend when he misbehaves? Has he taken some of his son's toys away when he breaks your daughter's toys?  The child may be stubborn, but your husband needs to be more stubborn when it comes to enforcing behavioral expectations.  Has he tried a parenting class?  

Having your husband do visitation outside the home is one solution, but do you really think your husband and his parents will be willing to do that?  Are YOU willing to not have a husband and for your baby not to have a father two weekends a month?  And what happens if his kid's behavior never improves and you're looking at doing this for another 13 years or so?  What happens if your husband for whatever reason gets more than EOWE custody of his son?  What happens then?

It seems to me that the better solution is to have your husband get his child under control.  I know, easier said than done, but again, I queston whether he's tried very hard to do that.  For the sake of his son and his marriage, he needs to.  If he requires professional help to do so, he should get it.  And if he cannot get his child to act in a manner you can live with, then you need to consider whether this is the way you want to live for the next couple decades. 

When 

You went into this all wrong. 

Kids's needs come first. 

But the couple relationship has to be strong. The kids revolve around the couple, not the other way around. 

You have a husband problem. I would say that until he learns how to parent, yep, he stays somewhere else for visitation. You should have no qualms whatsoever over that. I did it about eight years too late with mine. Decided I owned the house and therefore got to choose who stepped foot inside. I was well beyond caring what he or anyone else thought about it. 

Your child will partially like his brother not because he is mimicking his brother, but because his father isn't a good parent. There are plenty of families with kids who are unruly for whatever reason and it doesn't rub off on the other kids because the PARENTS work hard to maintain order - even if there is a kis who bucks the system.

You have a DH problem. His inability to parent, combined with finding someone who believes the kids come first, means he just won't try. And if you try to address it, he'll shut you down because you aren't "first" and you agreed from the beginning not to be.

Time to rewrite the rules of the relationship. You two come first as the priority, and together the kids will grow to be strong, capable adults. If he won't agree with that, then all you're deciding is whether your marriage ends now or later.

You can split your family part time as you are considering, but do you really want to do that over one brat?

Or you tell your husband that you are not tolerating the kids behaviour anymore and he needs to step up. He may be scared to thinking hell lose his son, not know how to or not want to. But the crux of the matter is you don't want this kid behaving like this. I tolerated this for three years from same age, and the brat got bigger stronger more unruly and then began to deliberately endanger my little girl. So I stepped up while husband learnt to. Tne day I just snapped, a day on holiday I was crouching down to tend to my girl and he decides to kick a heavy football at us full pelt. Luckily it hit me straight in the face not her. By god did I go mental, screamed him out and put the fear of God into him. Ever since I have disciplined him as I see fit, he gets told, and punishment dealt, whether he likes it or not. Things have improved greatly. No it shouldn't be our job to do, but if it's going to keep you together and benefit your family as a whole id at least try. 

All the red flags were there when you started dating this man and you chose to ignore them.

My husband would completely ignore the fact that his 3 year old was running every where, trowing things around the restaurant, yelling. It was a s****t show.

You saw this and yet married him, why? After that you went and had a child with him and are now stuck trying to figure out how you can keep his undisciplined son away from your kids. Now you want your H to stay at his parents house on the weekends he has his son. Do you think he will agree with this and if so how long do you think this will last? Do you think this is healthy for your marriage? The fact that you have to resort to this because your H is not parenting and showing his child consequences and not disciplining his poor behavior. Yes there is a lot going on here but you also have to take accountability for looking the other way during this entire sh!t show.