She does NOTHING!! :(
Hello all -- I am wondering if anyone else out there has an SK who does NOTHING except sit around the house?!? My SD13 is over for her weekend visit. She is doing the usual -- sitting on the couch watching TV. She is always eager to come over here, but I have no idea why....I feel like all she does is "exist" when she's here. This child has NO activities or interests it seems. My DH blames BM for never signing her up for anything, but honestly, from what I can tell, she shows very little interest in anything except boys. Besides eating, sleeping and watching TV, she sits around texting her "boyfriend." That's it! I alternate between being annoyed with her and feeling sorry for her. My BD15 is exactly the opposite -- has multiple extra-curricular activities and a busy social life, not to mention straight A's. I don't even know what SD's grades are like, but I don't think they're good. (DH never talks about her grades, so I don't pry. I think he's embarrassed.) I am a teacher, and I think it's healthy for kids to have outside interests and activities! I would support SD13 in hers if she had any. DH and BM both seem to have their heads in the sand about it. I believe "idle hands are the devil's workshop," and I fear SD will end up as a teen mom or something if she has nothing to feel good about except a boy's interest in her. But what to do as a stepmom?? I have voiced my concerns before to DH, but nothing seems to come of it. Thanks for reading.....comments welcome!
The first thing you need to
The first thing you need to do is not compare her to your DD. She is not your child and you did not raise her. (I had this problem with my SS. I would always be frustrated because he was not like I was at that age and DD3 at the time was more advanced in some instances than SS9 at the time.)
Have you tried walking up to her and saying hey do you know how to play tennis? Do you want to go to the public courts with me and try to hit some balls? Or do you know how to play volleyball? I can teach you the way to hit the ball and we can practice in the backyard or dribble a soccer ball or whatever. Heck ask her what she thinks about croquet and say let's run to walmart and get a cheap set and put it up in the backyard and practice. Maybe when dad comes home we can challenge him to a game.
Find out what she likes, maybe she likes art. Take her to one of those places that lets you paint there or take her to a ceramic shop and let her pick a piece out and you pick one out and work on them next to each other. How about you ask her if she is having problems in school and offer to teach her some fun tricks to figure it out so she has an easier time in school in the fall. Offer to teach her scrapbooking or some other craft or pick up some paints and get her a beginner book that teaches her some easy starting techniques.
Go to Hobby Lobby or Michael's and let her look around and see if there is anything she would like to try. Like a kit to make something for her BM (as much as we hate BM this makes us look like the bigger person and may help break the ice). If she says you don't like my mom be honest and say I am not friends with your mom but she is important to you and I thought this would be something you might like to do.
If you have a pool let her invite a friend over and play Marco Polo or toss dive sticks for them. Let them win silly prizes for winning the game.
You didn't say if SD attends the same school as your DD or if you are in your SD's school district but she may be too far from her home to do anything and she may feel like it's dad's time and she cannot go out with her friends and has to hang around your house.
My SD11 only does things that
My SD11 only does things that involve me, as she is invisible to her father and the BM is a f*ck*ng stupid, lazy b*tch.
I am going out of my way to try to help this kid lose weight. Plus, the exercise helps her apparent depression-that neither of her parents are willing to face. Plus, maybe my SD feels a little bit wanted because I pay attention to her.
ANY fun my SD has is because of me, except when she goes over a friend's house, which is rare.
I really think it's sad to bring a kid into the world and either ignore the kid or only use the kid as a weapon. I bet that p*sses God off too, not to mention all of the women who cant conceive who WOULD actually be great parents.
Hi realitycheckmom -- thanks
Hi realitycheckmom -- thanks for your comments! To be honest, I probably could make more of an effort with SD. I feel like when I try asking her questions about school and stuff, I usually get one-word answers, so I don't push it. We don't have a bad relationship....we each just kind of do our own thing. BM lives about 45 mins away, so different school and district. That does make it hard for SD to get together with friends when she's here, but DH does go above and beyond, driving her to and from friends' houses when she gets an invite somewhere. It just doesn't seem to happen that often.
Wish we had a pool but do not. DH is unemployed right now and looking for a job, so things are tight financially. I will keep an eye out for inexpensive stuff to do with SD this summer, since I have time off.
You're welcome. I understand
You're welcome. I understand about things being tight. They are beyond tight at my house.
What about going to the library if she likes to read? Something DD and I did this year was get seeds and plant them. That was cheap entertainment for her. Every day I tell her to check her plants. I know that won't satisfy a 13 yr old but it is a start. Go online and google fun & free craft projects for 13 yr olds.
State parks, hiking and looking at the flowers and trying to spot wildlife. I live by several state parks and a lake. We go out and try to bird watch.
My 13 yr old DD is always
My 13 yr old DD is always bored unless it is horse lesson time. She sulks and acts like she is going to die. I constantly try and get her interested in something to do. Oddly enough she decided carving watermelons is the best thing ever in the world. Weird but she super enjoys it. You SD may like something "strange" so keep looking and she might surprise you.
I also pull the "it's craft time" and make DD and DH do something like decorate a box like a room with odds and ends laying around the house. They are not permitted to say no. I set a timer and everyone scurries around looking for things to use. Then I set a timer to construct. We do this with coloring books, painting, sewing whatever thing I think up. They grumble but always participate and we have loads of fun. The key is everyone participate. I did this with the skids when they were teens too, they all fussed but had fun in the long run.