SD vs SF from BM view
I am the BM of 2 beautiful girls. The oldest is 12 & she is the SD to my current husband. She has lived with us for about 9-1\2 years. Her relationship with her SF is horrible. He can be a hard ass, and she can be very disrespectful. I think I may be partial to blame in this. I allowed SF to make and enforce the rules and I was the " 'ol softy". This resulted in SF being painted as "the bad guy". Now things were fine up until just the past year. IDK if its the puberty setting in or the fact that her BIO-Father has just come back into her life full time. Child wants to go live with dad, I have said no, I am firm on this. I think she may be driving her SF up the wall to get him to convince me to let her go. It is almost to the point where he is putting me in the "choose" situation. He has basically told me to decide between him or her. I want both but I don't want all this drama. Neither will budge, I don't know what to do
Make your daughter behave,set
Make your daughter behave,set some rules with consequences, back your husband up on discipline unless he's nit picking then talk to him about it.
Kids will definately put you
Kids will definately put you in a "choose" situation. I don't know how open you will be with my advice. But, My advice will be to support your DH especially if both you and him and on the same page with discipline and the morals/values in the home. If you both conflict in those areas - then you need to have a discussion and get on the same page. If you are on the same page, then it shouldn't be a problem that he enforce rules and it is very important that you have his back and firmly support him if needed.
However, if Bio-dad is in the picture moreso than before, I would think that the kiddos are going to rebel a bit in order to get their way. Especially if Bio-dad is planting false hopes in their minds, or is being not so nice about the SF. I think that the formula that you outlay is going to have some bumps...especially with girls getting into puberty.
I have a SD and she constantly makes her BF choose, and puts both him and me in situations that if we didn't "discuss" it, we would either give different answers, or conflict....so in relationships, especially with blended families...communication between the parental figures is key to a smooth homelife.
I have to ask what does "DH"
I have to ask what does "DH" stand for?...anyway....The more I contemplate this issue, the more I feel like I don't fully have my husband's back on all decisions. I am fearful that at this point, my daughter will tell her Bio-dad that she is miserable and that he will do something to try to take her in court. I am not completely worried, SC just happens to be a state where the minor child does not have the right to choose which parent they want to live with, per my lawyer. I am the SD of an SOB, but I don't remember being aloud to ask my mom to let me leave. I felt like I had a responsibility to stay with my mom to "take care" of her. My SF came into my life at my age of 6. I thank you for your advise. Got any more please send it my way.
Dear Husband...I guess I
Dear Husband...I guess I really meant SF. Lol...sorry to confuse you.
Well your situation as a
Well your situation as a stepdaughter may be completely different from your daughters. She probably deep down knows that SF is a good person, and wants the best for her, but she just feels conflicted. I would try to get some counseling with the daughter because maybe there are some feelings that she needs to deal with, especially with being new to the world of womanhood and purberty in addition to her BF being in the mix. You are doing the right thing by realizing there is an issue that needs to be dealt with.. You are a good mom, don't beat yourself up...just keep communicating and keep your family as tight as you can...the next few years are usually the hardest....
DH is Dear husband. I applaud
DH is Dear husband. I applaud you realizing you made your partner be the enforcer. Just realizing that and trying to stop are big steps towards solving your problem. Your daughter is lucky to have you. Just make sure your husband and you are on the same page. If he knows your trying I'm sure he will relax some. Good luck