SD behavior
Dear all,
At the beginning we thought my SD -8 years old- had selective mutism, but it was not.
She admited she does not want to answer because she does not care ( specially to me)
She has been in my life for about 4 years and coming 3 days a week to stay with us.
She ignores me, does not look at me or make eye contact. The only conversation she has is with her dad. I am completely out of the picture.
My DHand I have spoken to her, tried several ways to interact, even a prize system to motivate her to talk or respond. She also admitted she was jealous.
Now also began to cry when she does not want to eat, to get a bath, go to bed, change clothes, etc.
So it has been a hell sharing time with her. I continue talking to her, even If I do not get an answer or she ignores me. She looks at me in a bad way too.
I am pregnant now, and even more sensitive to her behaviour, had contractiosn due to her behavior during holidays.
She also has issues of communication with other adults and is under treatment with a shrink.
She also has no boundaries, and her dad seems not to care about her attitude.
Running out of patience.
Need some advice.
She may need counseling. What
She may need counseling.
What she definitely needs is for dad and mom to make drastic changes. I don't know what kind of parenting is going on at BMs house, or what the environment is like there. The environment there could also be a huge problem.
Maybe Dad needs to try harder consequences- take away stuff she cares about for a day or so.
family counseling , cause if
family counseling , cause if shes jelous now when the baby comes she may try to hurt it my step daughter is 6 and very viloent to my 18 month old son when she dnt get her own way
thank u! I know her attitude
DH has to deal with boundaries and medical treatment
thank u for your reply! I do
thank u for your reply! I do agree with you, she will not change and DH will have to deal with day care.
It is a pity, as DH loves her, but he is overprotective and with guilt from the divorce, and still not doing anything about her boundaries.
My ss14 shunned me for years
My ss14 shunned me for years as well.
This was after me knowing him since age 1 and being a HUGE part of parenting him until he moved in with bm at 9 or 10.
We also tried everything. Millions of talks (he liked the attention but never changed anything). Punishments-including sitting him in his room for the afternoon since he cannot be civil and polite with all family members. (never made a difference and dh felt he was spending his whole visit in his room). I tried ignoring him, disengaging, not doing anything for him. (He liked it. He wanted to pretend I didnt exist so this helped him with that).
All of this hurt my feelings quite a bit. I loved my ss and was a major player in raising him until he moved in with bm. So it broke my heart some. What eventually helped is I stopped caring. Probably not the ideal solution-but i literally stopped caring if he ever spoke to me again. And that didnt really change anything with HIM, I just felt better.
At this point, since he never got what he wanted (just him and his dad alone)he has lost interest in having anything to do with dh so he doesnt even visit.
This is a huge problem here
This is a huge problem here at my house too. My ss12 has been a little shit to me from time to time too. We have him on the weekends and some times his dad has to work on Saturday mornings, I remember one Saturday morning, he was outside playing with my bio children 7 and 10, they got all muddy which is no big deal, but he walked into our living room, took all the cushions off the couch and played hop scotch on top of them with muddy shoes. I was mortified! Things have gotten better, but there are still times that I want to run away. He would NEVER act out of step with his dad present, but with me alone with him, he can be a monster!
Disengage and enjoy your
Disengage and enjoy your pregnancy. It sounds to me as if you have gone above and beyond. We cannot control the behavior of others. If she will not change, you will have to. I would not go out of my way to speak to her. I would not ignore her if she chooses to speak, but I would definitely take the control away from her.
Four years is enough time for her to realize that you do indeed care. She will either come around, or she will not. Odds are good that with strong therapy she will straighten out.
Congratulations on the new baby!