SD acting out against me and my BD
SO here’s my story:
My boyfriend and I moved in with each other just a few months ago to a house to fit both our our children from a previous relationship. He was not married to his ex and they hated each other for the 6 years they were together. She continuously begged him to not move out as to not hurt the child, but it seems that was just a selfish plea to keep him financially and manually supporting the household (he did all the house projects). Finally my boyfriend moved out (at the time we were not dating) and he asked me out and we have been dating for almost a year now. We just moved into a house together October 1st and my daughter lives with us full time. His daughter comes to us Thursday nights for a bit, and then stays overnight with us Friday and Saturday nights and leaves Sunday evening. The first month was great. His daughter was great with my daughter and was sweet. Recently she’s made a turn for the worse acting in very clingy ways to her father, asking him for alone time, and trying to disclude my daughter and me in everything we do. She keeps bringing up that my daughter has no Daddy around, and she cries about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! She even cries at this point till her nose bleeds. I find some of her behaviors are normal for being jealous but I think she is coaxed often by her mother (who is a practicing psychologist) who uses her psychology BS on her own daughter. Is it normal for children to be okay one moment and then off the deep end the next? I am at wits end at this point as I have no idea how to handle a child who isn’t friendly to me, clingy to her father, and rude to my child?! Help!
It is normal and BM most
It is normal and BM most likely is part of it. Your SO needs to address this. If she shows disrespect for your daughter he needs to put her in Time out, and explain that it is not ok. Same if it is directed to you. As far as outings it is great for him to spend at least an hour of 1 on 1 time with his daughter on the weekends but, FAMILY time is not a choice, he needs to explain to her that he and mommy didnt make each other happy and that they both are finding new people that do, he has found you and your daughter which help add to both his family and in turn adds to hers. She needs to understand that you and your daughter are not replacing her you are both adding to the family and that it is ok to be happy as a family even if her mother isnt apart of it. But all of it has to be correct by your SO it will not be accepted well by you. He has to step up and correct the behavior before it becomes a habit.
Do you think it's okay for
Do you think it's okay for him to tell his daughter that her behavior is making him quite sad? I don't want to overstep the boundaries of what is okay for him to say but it's true, it is making him really sad. He loves me and my daughter so much and he just wants everyone to be happy. He also knows I dread the weekends at this point as his daughter gives me quite a bit of anxiety.
that wouldn't be over
that wouldn't be over stepping boundaries, if that is how he likes to handle things or how your family does things. My FDH and I were having issues with FSD4 about a week after I was introduced to them and the BM...she was disrespectful, and violent towards me. My FDH only had to put her in time out for two weekends total, she realized that it was a lot more fun to be nice to me then to be put in time out for 4 minutes every 10 minutes. She is still a Mini BM at times with the words that she uses but she is no longer violent and does show me a lot of respect.
Thanks, that really does give
Thanks, that really does give me a lot to go on. I don't want to be an ogre and freak out each time something happens but it's hard to watch my daughter get sad when my boyfriends daughter tries to disclude her in stuff. It makes me sad too because this is my home as well and when she is there I sometimes feel like I am tip-toeing through my house.