So we've tried counseling but I think there are issues that are just unresolvable. In a nutshell, my husband has three kids, 17, 18, and 20. They have been living with their mother for the past few years after I lost my temper when the two boys were living with me in my house full time -- paying for everything on top of it. No one tried to resolve the issue, they just pretended I didn't exist. Meanwhile, the financial situation for my husband continues to be horrible and everything he makes and will make he claims will be for his child support. How is this fair to me? And he is continually resentful that they don't want to come over to the house -- although our encounters when going to relatives' houses for holidays have been pleasant and cordial. We also met with a counselor and one son told her that he didn't have a problem with me, but with his father.

I have been very honest and told my husband that it really isn't fair to expect me to house his children when I am paying for everything and do all the housework etc... Sometimes he is reasonable and other times, particularly when the oldest one is in town, he gets really horrible toward me as if I should roll out the red carpet. I really don't want to go overboard and encourage them to come and go as they please because it will turn into the previous situation when I felt totally used and walked over.

It is so difficult to even feel okay about stuff because I know that my husband would not care if they moved in and had me pay for everything because his world revolves around these kids, not me. I feel like he doesn't think he needs to work on the marriage at all. About a month ago he decided that he would change the suggestion of our marriage counselor from designating alternating weekend to kids and marriage so everyone felt special to every other friday/Sat and Sunday. Yet he violates this whenever he wants because his kids blow him off a lot, so he just drops everything to do stuff with them and doesn't make plans with me. We sit around and do nothing on the weekends until his kids wake up around 11 or noon and he checks to see if they feel like they have a spare moment to spend with him.

At this point I feel like every time his kids reject him, he blames me. I asked when they were available for Christmas so I could plan a dinner, etc.. working around everyone's schedule. And he just said it wouldn't work. Either he doesn't ask them, they are stonewalling me, or something is bizarre. Thanksgiving we went to a relative's house, drove together, had fun. One kid showed up for THanksgiving. Told his father he had a great time, etc... Now my husband throws it back at me that no one wants to come and that the kid who was here at Thanksgiving felt so uncomfortable he had to leave -- when in fact he left so he could get ready to play hockey with his father that evening. I feel like I'm getting played and guilt-tripped into capitulating. Now he says that he wants to leave for Christmas because he can't stand my son who will be coming home. And he says he wants to break up. This is a man who regularly borrows money from me and cannot find a job and will have two kids in college next year.

We have a prenup, but is it possible for him to divorce me and try to weasel funds out of me? I am feeling so lousy about this marriage and so used. Things were fine as long as he got everything he wanted, but the minute I opened up my mouth to say it wasn't working to have him move his kids in, pay his ex child support, while I footed all the bills things have just not been the same.

Have I lost all perspective? If this man loved me, why doesn't he try to ensure we have a marriage? I feel like he hates me because his kids don't live here, but seriously, how unfair is it for him to stick me with their bills on top of everything, not to mention they were total slobs and ignored me when they lived with me. Why would anyone in their right mind agree to that? I think I need to give up on this marriage. The kids are almost grown but he has done nothing but try to make me feel badly when it really is his fault because he didn't think about me when he moved them into my house full time. I am a nice person but I am not a saint.

I am really confused and feel like I just cannot see this situation logically.