New baby, overbearing sd8 and dh's help
So I'm due in September and dh's job allows him to take fmla for up to 3 months following the birth of a baby.. I assumed he would take at least the majority of that.. Well today he said he's only going to take a couple of weeks bc he wont get any over time pay. I got mad and said that I'll need help with sd8 (who we have full time) for longer than that. She's so needy, immature for her age & spoiled and has all these grand ideas that the new baby is going to be her doll to play with and smother 24/7. I know it's going to drive me crazy with her up my butt and demanding to "help" all the time. I know I am being a little selfish here but I want to enjoy as much time as possible with my newborn, without sd right there. Anyways how do I explain this to dh without making him think that I don't like his kid. ( I know I don't but I'd like to keep the peace) lol.. I told him I'll need more help with her but that wasn't good enough apparently. I'm just afraid I'm going to blow up and tell him how I really feel about her and it's going to hurt our marriage.
I had to explain to my dh
I had to explain to my dh that even though he already had a child, this was MY first and I deserved to be able to enjoy being a mommy without every single thing being about SD8 being a sister. I deserved to enjoy my time without having to placate SD8's needs AND SD8 got to be an ONLY child for 8 damn years and my child at the very least deserved to have his mother's undivided attention once in awhile without having to share with someone else's child.
I'm due in October...My SS6
I'm due in October...My SS6 has been staying with us and I want hime no where near me when the baby is born. I want to be able to have time to focus on my new baby without running around after some one elses kid....I've tried telling hubby how I feel....I think when you tell them they may not necessarily say it but secretly think you're being a selfish Bitch. That's not the case at all....they're not in our shoes.
I say go ahead and tell him how you feel...he's a man and if he can't handle it well too damn bad because the truth is the truth...I'm pregnant too and very much thinking I will soon get my own place. I'm broke but I'm considering calling a relative to borrow some money, packing my bags and leaving....I don't want to deal with my husbands baggage anymore...He never has to deal with any baggage from my past and I'm sure he probably wouldn't. Think of yourself, put yourself first. Don't forget we didn't bring our stepkids into this world...so NO they are not our responsibility.
It is tough all around, but
It is tough all around, but do not forget that the stepchildren are not exactly thrilled to have to be in thie situation. When you married a man with a child, you have to accept that the child will be around.
Unless Dad is home when the
Unless Dad is home when the kid visits she should remain with her mother. The point of a child visiting is to visit with the parent not be babysat. Especially by a woman with a newborn.
Thanks for the responses! I
Thanks for the responses! I was ok with him having a child when we got married- every other weekend like it was when we were dating. I never imagined she would be living here full time.. I think spinning it so it sounds as though sd will suffer and not get enough attention will change dh's mind, you have that right on lol.. Thank you! I know he's trying to support our family but his extra money either goes to buying anything sd happens to want that week or to eating out, his base pay more than covers the nessesities. I won't mind sd helping out a little but she's the type of child who is very obnoxious/hyper/demanding and "can't" be gentle, we had to find her kitten a new home 2 weeks after she got it because of that. I know she wont want to help with things I'll ask like throwing a diaper away, if it's not something she wants to do, which will be hands on types of things knowing her then she will refuse and cry that she doesn't get her way. I'll just send her to her room like I always do but it would be so much easier if dh could be here to keep her entertained.. She "can't" be alone in a room for more than a few mins bc she can't stand not having attention..." watch me do this" "brush my hair!" "I'm huuungry for cookies" "can I have some tea, oops I spilled it all over the floor" ect.. Every 2 minutes and I'm not exaggerating. I swear she's more work than a newborn
It seems very common that
It seems very common that those here who decide to have their own babies have those feelings towards the SK.I try to relate and I think I can somehow.It must feel like having your first baby is less important through the presence of another child that is not yours.It almost always sounds as if the SKids are intruders or even a threat to the new formed family.
I feel sorry for them because it must be confusing for them, too.All I ever wanted was my own children being excited about their baby brother (years ago), but I acknowledge the difference between Bios and Stepsiblings in a family. It is simply not the same- I even imagine that I would feel stressed by SDs presence as well if we would have decided to have a baby, which is something we don't want.
I hope you will be strong to go through ths and make the most of enjoying the new baby!!