Hi all,

I'm new here, and am so glad I found this site. I could use some suggestions, and I definitely need to vent sometimes, and I'm afraid no one in my circle of friends will understand! DH has three kids, all under 10 - two boys and a girl. He has custody of his oldest, and the others visit every other weekend (different BM). I have no kids of my own.

We've been together for several years, but I'm still trying to figure out my place and how to deal, and it's frustrating because sometimes, DH is somewhat uninvolved and detached himself. But I've made it clear that I'm not a maid, nor a chef, nor a babysitter or nanny, and DH respects that. And I won't do things just because he doesn't want to do them. The kids are his responsibility...and he gets that. Which is great.

Each of the kids has their own blend of issues, and I'm finding it harder and harder to deal. SS7 has got to be ADHD or something - he cannot sit still or be quiet for 30 seconds. And constantly needs to be the center of attention. He has no concept of personal space, is constantly wanting a hug, or trying to get DH's or my attention, or interrupting an adult conversation for something stupid. Almost every time he speaks to DH it starts with, "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Guess what. Daddy. Guess what. Daddy." followed by something inane and pointless. He did it to me the other day - 5 minutes of build up, followed by "Remember when daddy and I picked you up from work?" Uh...yeah, it was 2 days ago, so what? ...and that was it, he had NOTHING to add to that. It drives me bonkers! I've told him repeatedly that he does not have to be talking every second...and still he does it. He makes good grades, but gets in trouble at school because he never stops talking. So...how do I get him to shut up?!?? And in addition to the constant talking and constant need for attention, there's also a constant need for a hug and constant "I love you's"...I think it's sweet that he says it to me, but I don't need to hear it 20 times in the course of a day. I swear - it's once an hour, sometimes more, to make up for when he's at school and sleeping. I didn't come from an affectionate family, and the only person I like hugging or feel comfortable saying "I Love You" to is DH. The kid's smothering me. I used to break up with guys because of things like this! And it makes me not want to be around him!

Is he that attention starved? And if DH doesn't spend enough time with him, how do I address that without pissing DH off? I don't think it's fair that I should have to pick up the slack...especially with as overbearing as the kid can be. I can't do it. I'll snap.

And the other two...a boy and a girl, but they're both princesses. To give you an idea...SS5 (the picky eater) will only use "tissues with lotion in them so they're gentle on his nose"...actual quote. And every single bump, scratch, booboo, whatever, absolutely HAS to have a band-aid and neosporin. Even for a bruise, or nothing breaking the skin, no blood. He's also manipulative and a liar, and a bit of a drama queen. The actual princess is 4, doesn't dress herself, still wets herself on occasion, and is a serious drama queen. She can't ask for anything, not even a glass of water, without putting a whine on it and threatening tears, and the second you ask her to do anything she doesn't want to, she'll make herself cry. Especially when DH tells her to put on pajamas. Immediate tears and "But do I have to go to bed?" followed by crying. EVERY NIGHT. Cleaning, eating her dinner, whatever it is - tears. Almost everything like that also ends in her crying for mommy, because apparently mommy lets her get away with everything and do whatever she wants.

NONE of these kids have bathroom etiquette. They don't close the door, will be in the bathroom with each other while using the potty, often won't wipe, SS5 usually won't flush. And there's always pee on the floor. GROSS. It takes forever for the younger two to eat, none of them listen, they don't pick up after themselves unless you tell them 10,000 times and then stand there and watch. They can't learn the simple rules I tried to establish in the house, such as no yelling, no running, eat what you're given, clean up after yourself...simple, basic rules...and DH will often just tune them out completely, so I'm the only one noticing that they're screaming, jumping off the bunk beds, and basically doing all the things they're not supposed to be doing.

Any suggestions on how to address these kids, and DH? He will often argue that they're "just kids"...but I don't think that's an acceptable reason to let them get away with doing whatever the hell they want to. Please also keep in mind - I do not discipline them. I tell them to stop doing stuff they're not supposed to, reinforce something daddy says (if daddy says clean, and they're not cleaning, I'll say something like "didn't daddy say clean?" to prompt them), but actual punishment is all DH's area, per his request, to prevent issues with BM, who'd pitch a fit if she found out I gave someone a time out.

Sorry this was long...first rant in a long time...but help is appreciated!! I'm not giving up on this family, I just need some suggestions to reel it in a little!