I have a 12 year old SD who of course she believes she is 21. For the last 10 years, my DH and their BM have had a schedule where the kids spend every other week at the other's house. So Monday to Monday. This has worked well, and since it has been so long, neither of the kids know of anything else.

Since I was blessed to enter their lives as a point where they were not already set in their ways and beliefs our blended families worked very well. We all participated and communicated. There were issues of course, but they were worked out between adults, not by putting the kids in the middle.

However, in the last few years my relationship has gotten very tense with both kids. Mostly SD. My SS is autistic and does whatever his sister tells him to. SD has formed a very unhealthy relationship with her 19 year old cousin. We took him in as he had no where else to live, but quickly had to ask him to leave after too many calls from school, and visit from legal authorities, and the compulsive lying. One of his whoppers was that I was having an affair. This while my husband was out of town and I had 4 kids to mind. The only time I had to myself, was when I was finally able to go to bed and catch some sleep. I still cannot figure out where I had the time and the privacy, as I take my BD with me everywhere when I am the only adult around. My husband found humor in this, because he also wanted to know when I was doing this. He discussed with the older 3 and let them know this never happened. This is when things started going downhill fast. Did I mention his nephew thinks he is an aspiring gangster?

Once he left SD continued communication even though DH and BM specifically forbid. I will not allow nephew anywhere near my house or my BD. His influence has taken over my SD mindset and wants to be just like him. She tells her mother that I neglect her, picks on her on purpose and yell at her all the time. When confronted by me, BM and DH, she says everything is okay, she doesnt have any issues.

Prior to this the BM and myself had gotten along and communicated well on behalf of the children. Once nephew spread nasty rumors, she discountinued communication and was nothing but rude and condescending. To this point I had a good relationship with my Stepkids. One the BM was proud to brag about to other divorced families.

In the last few days my SD has taken it to an all new high, she has taken it upon herself to - for some reason - take me out, or something of the sort. In short, she has lied to her mother with one lie, then lied to me with another. Then denied all of it to her dad. My DH has had to pick up an evening job to help out due to the economy, so he is home less.

First it was how bad I treated them, then it was how bad their father was when they were in trouble - stern and authoratative, not abusive. Then they had a meeting with BM, DH, and both kids and all was worked out. The minute they left, they came up with the following which I was informed of via email this evening that my step kids do not like me, do not want to be around me and if I am here alone they do not want to be here. This is heart breaking for me. I love those kids. We have always had fun, goofed off, played games, enjoyed life. I refused for them to run the house, as there are rules and respect being the biggest one. They refuse to listent to me and adhere to house rules, purposefully pick on my BD to watch her cry and tell BM that my BD lies all the time, they would never do that. They have completely convinced their mother of every lie.

I am torn as what it is I am to do from this point forward. I am very emotional, I am heartbroken, and very depressed over the whole situation.

I am not sure how to handle this going forward.

HELP - Depressed and confused.