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my girlfriend and her daughter 14 year old teen girl need some input

pinker10's picture

Submitted by pinker10 on Tue, 11/22/2011 - 4:00pm

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Blended Family Issues

i recently found out my wonderful girlfriend is giving me a child at 40. it was a surprise and im real happy. she has a 14 year old daughter that has seen and been through a lot way to much. she is very strong willed and has a great head on her shoulders , good grades, never in trouble, and im so understanding of the wall she built. she really is game for anything but only because she likes seeing her mom happy. we decided recently and have began to co habitate they both are currently in the process of moving in. her daughter is scared even though she wont say it. she has never really had a positive male role model in her life and the father is not around and never really has been as he walked away from the marriage when he heard my girlfriend became pregnant. my girlfriend has done a wonderful job raising her all by herself. we have talked (her daughter and i)and she feels that its because of the baby that we have all came together. i really am happy, been along time since ive felt this good. i really want to try and make this the most positive experience for her. her mom and me have talked and i told her that i think she really needs to see a good and healthy relationship that we both have. i am taking on a lot of things with this because i really dont want to let her down once again. any advice?

lexaprotakemeaway's picture

Submitted by lexaprotakemeaway on Tue, 11/22/2011 - 4:21pm

I would suggest getting her some counseling. She seems like a good kid, and talking with a professional may help her to come to terms with some of the issues she has with accepting the positive influence you're trying to give her.

StorybookGirl's picture

Submitted by StorybookGirl on Wed, 11/23/2011 - 8:40am

I agree with the above about getting some counseling for all three of you to get through this transition.

Also, I think your desire for this to be positive is really encouraging, just be aware that you don't try too hard or try to do too much too quick. She's going to be leery and maybe even a little suspicious for a bit. It's normal. Try not to take it personal and just make sure you and your girlfriend communicate effectively about everything.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you. In some ways, not having to deal with a Birth Father may give you the upper hand in all of this.