Messed up situation
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I am currently separated from my husband for over a month now. I left because I needed to be on my own. I've never been on my own before. I was going to go back but was just informed that his daughter and her family will be moving in. His daughter and I don't get along. She talks about me behind my back and treats me like trash. Well his plan is for us to stay separated until his daughter gets on her feet. He says that he will give her a year. To me, that is way too long a time. She stayed with us before and I was completly miserable. I want to be married but I don't know how this can work. He wants to go on dates and stuff but I don't know if i can keep it up for a year.
Have a backbone and do not go
Have a backbone and do not go back to that situation....He is not in love with you. If he was, he wouldn't ask you to stay in that situation for a year...Crazy....You deserve so much better.
What a jerk for thinking that situation is something that a wife would do.
>I want to be married but I
>I want to be married but I don't know how this can work. He wants to go on dates and stuff but I don't know if i can keep it up for a year.<
Okay...I read that, and I felt a sudden surge of *EVIL* churning within me.
Sure! Go out on "dates"! Tell him you want to go that new trendy steak restaurant across town. Act all anxious. Like you are really looking forwward to seeing him. Then when the waiter comes, order the most expensive thing on the menu with a full bottle of Bordeaux. Evil likes Bordeaux. Then, during dinner, smile and flirt with him but at the same time mention that you met some other guy (at work, at the gym, at a bar,...who cares). Start talking about this guy. Like NON-STOP. Because nothing pisses off a guy more than seeing his woman talk amourously about another guy. If he balks, you can say he has nothing to worry about. You and he can still go out on "dates"
Then afterwards, after you've got him hooked with the $$$ bill, explain to him that this was such a great time and that you would love to continue the evening, but you have a "Twister" party to go to.
Walk away. He's done but
Walk away. He's done but will continue date (HAVE SEX) as long as he can. Don't fool yourself into thinking he won't date other women during this time.
This time next year he will have a ton of reasons why is daughter can't move out.
Start calling lawyers.
There were other reasons. My
There were other reasons. My marriage was just there. Not bad, not good. We were just co-existing. He still thinks that his daughter should come before me. I think it should be him and me against the world, not her and him. He thinks the idea of us getting hotels while she stays in my house and I am still living elsewhere is going to be fun. There is still no move in day for them, so the year keeps getting longer and longer.
So let's see, not sure how
So let's see, not sure how old you are but he thinks the idea of you having to PAY for hotels instead of saving that money for yourself, retirement, etc...is fun so that his daughter can do whatever she pleases? He's an ahole.
Wow. So you moved out of the
Wow. So you moved out of the house, he moved his daughter in, now you want him to make his daughter move out so you can come back?
Why did you separate in the first place?
On one hand, I feel like if he were serious about putting his marriage first, he would have his daughter move out (or maybe give her a couple months opposed to a whole year) but then on the other hand, YOU are the one who moved out!
I definitely would not go on dates and live separately. How are you ever going to move on that way? I think you either need to be living together or planning a divorce. No reason to live in limbo.
I see now that you said his
I see now that you said his daughter has not moved in yet. Can't he tell her nevermind, his wife is coming back? Or would that be evil?
That's the point. He would
That's the point. He would never do that.
She hasn't moved in yet. He
She hasn't moved in yet. He has been saying that they wanted to move down before I moved out. I have a feeling she would have moved in either way, whether I was there or not.
I'm sorry but, it seems the
I'm sorry but, it seems the writing is on the wall. When you left, was it discussed that this was just a separation with an eye to getting your marriage back on track? If so, then he blindsided you and now you have 2 choices.... move back in and play second fiddle OR stay on your own and make it permanent. It sucks not be #1 to the person you always made #1 in your life. My heart goes out to you.
There was no talk of divorce.
There was no talk of divorce. We were just going to go to counseling (which he decided wasn't working) and re-evaluate after a few months. I was blindsided.
Yeah. You were. As hard as
Yeah. You were. As hard as this is, you need to tell him, 'No thanks! I'm not going to wait until you see US as the priority.' As unhappy as this may make you, this man wants everything to go HIS way and that is just unacceptable. He's telling you how fun it will be b/c it's his way of keeping you around for his own purposes. This does not benefit you in the least. Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. Protect yourself and your assets. So sorry you're hurting right now.
So as an update, it's been
So as an update, it's been three months and the daughter still has not moved in. We are still together, but separate. I am tired of living in limboland.
Then leave for good....I've
Then leave for good....I've seen this before and it's never ended pretty. Someone will always end up hurt and the other not giving two chits. You've been gone this long...just let it go and you can move on to bigger and better situations. Find someone who is ready to be as into you as you will him. You'll see the difference and look back with wider eyes thinking "What the f*ck was I thinking?"
You need to put yourself first. It's obvious he's not going to. You gotta look out for you....
Are you kidding? No way. He
Are you kidding? No way. He either treats you as a wife or he can take a hike. Why do YOU think that you deserve less than that? Please do some reading, I am not attacking you...just saying HE IS FULL OF SHIT and you need to figure out why you would even consider what he is saying.
Sadly you are not his
Sadly you are not his priority and this is nothing more than a stand by booty call relationship that he is trying to preserve at this point.
If you wanted to be married you would never have left your marrital home and if he wanted to be married he would have done anything necessary to keep you from leaving. Even the thougt of moving his worthless POS daughter and her family in was the final proof positive of all of this IMHO.
Take care of yourself, file the papers now and get on with your life.
IMHO of course.