Our story is really atypical but we have been doing a cross country relationship for nearly two years and got married just last year. Due to logistics we have not been able to live together yet but that will change in about 3 months IF IT EVEN HAPPENS at the rate we have been going. I thought I married my soul mate. He was everything I had wanted and was looking for. Funny. Kind. Hard working. We have had some serious issues lately and they don't seem to be getting better.
This is our second time around, each being married before. He has two kids, a boy age 15 and an 11 year old girl. I generally get along great with them .It is my husband's parenting style that I don't like. We have them full time because their mother is essentially a dead beat. Anyway, my husband favors my SD11 over my SS15. She can do no wrong and he treats her like a baby. She has no responsibilities and have come to find out, perhaps too late, that her needs come before mine. She acts like a baby because she is treated like one and he expects me to go along with the program. I will not treat her like a baby. I treat her age appropriately. He lets her suck her thumb, walk around without her top, leave her clothes all over. He won't let me discipline her but when easily wants me to be her servant. I put my foot down early on that I was not going to clean her room or excuse her from having chores around the house. He seems to eventually agree with me although there is always a fight initially as he says I hate his kid. Then there will be a period where he will enforce some rules and I think things are hopeful and then he backslides and doesn't enforce anything. I have to constantly remind her to pick up her dishes, pick up her shoes from my side of the bed, stop leaving things around, etc etc. I have to be careful how I talk to her because he will jump down my throat. Honestly she is a good kid but has been allowed to be lazy and have no responsibilities. It is not her fault and I know this. My SS15 is great and I love having him around. He is super well adjusted and responsible and I think that is why the SD gets all the attention. He doesn't really need it.
The problem is that when my husband and I argue ( and its always over the SD or money) he always threatens to stay where he is at and not move in with me. I hear this all the time. The therapists call it "unfair fighting" but I am starting to lose trust in him and the relationship. I make more than he does, am established,own my own home and I fear that if we don't work out I will take a financial hit and he might try to get some sort of alimony. He sold his home and has been winding his affairs up. He is going back to school for a masters degree in his field that will enable him to make an insane amount of money. It is a short program and he will continue to work while he is doing it so money will be coming in. However, I will be the primary bread winner. I make more for now. I was ok with this until we started to fight over money. I like to save and he likes to spend. We were talking about putting him on title to my house but now I don't want to if we may not work out. I also don't want to co-mingle funds because of that.
He won't go to therapy so I am going. The more we fight the more scared I get and the more I think I made a mistake. IF I had to do it all over again I would not have married him.