Is it time to call things off?

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Hi everyone, I am so glad I found this place. I do not have a good support system of people I can talk to who actually understand what I am going through.

I am recently engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years. We are both divorced. I have one daughter from my previous marriage and he has both a son and a daughter. I am having a really hard time liking his daughter. We all lived together before they went to live with their mother (because the GAL during the divorce said that kids need their mother). I was always uncomfortable in my own home. His kids never listen to anything that I say, they are rude, and since we only see them every other weekend now, their father lets them get away with everything. I thought that I would warm up to his daughter, but that doesn't seem to be the case. She is constantly rude to me and she is mean and rude to my daughter and she always thinks she is right. Today she called my daughter stupid because she could not divide... She is 10, my daughter is 5. I just don't know why I cannot bring myself to like her. She still wants her parents to get back together. I was never the cause of their split. My boyfriends ex-wife left him for another man while he was deployed. :? :? Now I am questioning getting married... All my boyfriend says is that they are kids, kids fight. None of this bothers him. I just don't know what else to do??

Thanks so much for letting me vent here!

Hi imjustme1 I am going

Hi imjustme1

I am going through the same decision making myself. First, I feel for you. I only have the one SD so no fighting luckily, and you must feel so torn between your loyalty for your daughter and trying to protect her but not be too hard on SD. In my opinon (even though I'm not in that situation) boyfriend needs to man up and start taking responsibility for his daughter and her behaviour. I would say 10yr is a bit jealous. Can you take her and your daughter out together somewhere to see if they would bond a bit better. And maybe you and 10yo go out together as well? Don't know where you live but something like horse riding? clothes shopping? Something that your little one might need help with and maybe 10yo could feel useful?

I don't think anything bothers men - they have an amazing ability to not notice anything going on around them! I can just about be in tears over something my SD has done and he will be sitting on the couch completely oblivious !

Hope some of this is helfpul! If nothing else, you might feel better knowing that everything that you are feeling is normal and healthy !

He is guilt parenting. Since

He is guilt parenting. Since he doesn't see them a lot you will hear the following

- its not that big of a deal
- I don't have them very much, I don't want their time to be negative with me
- I want them to feel comfortable here

and many more

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

Perhaps you should think about finding other things with your child to do while the skids are visiting. When you aren't a target, someone else becomes the target. Then dad sometimes see's princesses behavior a bit more clearly. Even if he never see's, you aren't dealing with the nonsense.

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