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*Blending Family Troubles*

sjspurg3's picture

Submitted by sjspurg3 on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 11:24am

If anyone see's this and wants to help me, just know NOW that it is GREATLY appreciated!!!!

So i'm a mom of 3 boys, i've been divorced for over a year, almost 2 and i am currently in a relationship with my now boyfriend, he has 1 child, a daughter. My boyfriend and i live together, i have my boys full time, except on the weekends they are with their dad. My boyfriend has 50/50 with his ex, so his daughter is with us every other week. I am writing this because i need some help/advice. My oldest who is 10 and his daughter who is 9, do NOT get along. My son i KNOW is still struggling with the divorce, and the changes that have come with that, but lately it's always a battle to get them both to get along. They both take digs at one another, they both like to boss each other around, and it seems like its ALWAYS something, E V E R Y D A Y. 

What do i do?? Do i continue with my relationship? Do i continue to put both of them through the struggle of trying to blend our family together? My boyfriend and i love each other very much, but when your kids dont get along... what do you do!!?? We have tried everything and i dont like seeing my son or his daughter upset. I know you cant force it... but what should we do?!?!? 

Thank you in advance!!!

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 12:14pm

One thing to keep in mind with these kids is that if you let them be the reason you break up, they will know that they have that kind of power over your future relationships. Prepare to not be involved with anyone until your kids are grown.

Blended families are hard. REALLY hard and worse when the kids don't get along. Covid is also having an effect here whether you realize it or not. The kids aren't in school like they used to be, they aren't in sports or hanging out with friends like they used to. Things are not the same and they don't have their normal outlets.

Things could calm down over time- if you don't tolerate them to be mean to each other. I phrase that often goes flying out of my mouth to my own daughter bossing the 3 older boys around "YOU ARE NOT THE MOTHER. BACK OFF. If you are unhappy about something going on, let me or your stepdad know and WE will handle it". ---- But you have to help handle it. They have to learn to respect each other's space and boundaries. They don't have to like each other but they can still be kind. 

sjspurg3's picture

Submitted by sjspurg3 on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 12:23pm

you are right!! this is all so very true!!! i tell them the same thing over and over, and when these 2 fight, neither one of them understands exactly WHY they are mad.. they just wanna be mad, like thats ok... NOT!!! they both have communication issues, and dont 100% grasp what it means when someone is "playing" they think that the other is being mean, when really.. its sarcasm mostly. my boys LOVE to scare me and play tricks.. its what boys do.. they will do that to her, and she takes it as them being mean and she wants to cry about it and then the boys get mad cuz they see it as "we are trying to play with her but shes getting mad at us"

so lol there ALWAYS something, together we have 4 kids. my 3 and his 1. the ages from youngest to oldest. 4, 8, 9, 10. shes right in the middle of my 2 older boys, so they clash alot!! but i get what your saying about, LOVE THAT!!! Thank you!!!