I need help pleaasseee
My boyfriend and I just moved in together. I have a 3yr old daughter who lives with us 24/7. My boyfriends son is here for 2 1/2 weeks to visit he lives out of state (9y/o) . This is all new to the son to have to share his dad so I am trying to give them space and time to be together. But now I am upset that my boyfriend is not even trying to include my daughter and I in anything they are doing.I feel like we should do a little something together the 4 of us. AND NOW!!!! his daughter is coming down for a week (19y/o) and now im just wondering how thats going to be. Also when his son normally comes to visit he sleeps in the bed with his dad so I said thats fine let him sleep with you Ill sleep in my daughters room.... but now I feel like at the end of the day I get no time alone with my boyfriend. And now when his daughter comes where is she going to sleep? in the living room? We only have a 2 bedroom apartment and if his daughter sleeps in the living room its going to be terrible because I have a 3 y/o who wakes up at 8am And anyone who has ever been around kids knows you can only keep a 3y/o so calm and quiet in the morning before they are ready to enjoy the day. I was really looking forward to this visit I thought it would be nice for my boyfriend and his kids and my daughter and I to get to know each other better and see that its not bad for their dad to have another woman in his life and that my daughter and I are not replacing them but now I am confused.... Did I give him to much space away from me that he thinks I dont want to spend time with them or is he just figuring out how to make this a smooth transition. ughh this is sooo difficult I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but in the meantime I am stuck home while they go out... why do I have to be put completely on the back burner?? Am I over exaggerating or what can I do to get some good "family" moments that we will all appreciate?
Seriously, you said his son
Seriously, you said his son could sleep with him. You backed off to give them space, now his 19 year old is coming down for a week, and your on here asking us where will she sleep.
Your boyfriend, the father of these children has a responsibility to make proper sleeping arrangements for them. Proper sleeping arrangements do not constitute you getting out of your room and your bed to accommodate his son. Proper sleeping arrangements mean he provides a room and a bed for his children. Clearly the accommodation you have now is not suitable. He needs to sort that out NOW
You have been far to complacent in all of this. You have accepted thus, moved out of your bed to allow his son to sleep there, and heaven knows what you'll do to accommodate the daughter. My guess, you and three year old will be sleeping in the lounge room. If this happens, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Your boyfriend can ask, he can suggest, or he can outright tell you to sleep in the lounge, you can say no. He can sleep in the lounge right now with his son, that's what should be happening. HE SHOULD BE PUTTING HIMSELF OUT FOR HIS KIDS - NOT YOU.
Every time you give in to these stupid selfish demands, you demean yourself, you teach your boyfriend to treat you with disrespect, you teach your boyfriend you are a push over, an idiot really, and he sure as hell won't respect an idiot. So stop acting like one.
It is your home too. Your bed. If your 3 year old wakes everyone up next week. Well that wouldn't have happened if your boyfriend had made PROPER sleeping arrangements and SUITABLE accommodation for his kids to visit. You rolling over and going along with all this is giving him the okay to do it.
Ask your boyfriend where does he plan for his daughter to sleep. If it's the lounge. Then she puts up with the three year old. You don't have to disrupt your child's normal activities to accommodate his 19 year old. If its in bed with him,orin his room,while you sleep elsewhere. Leave, he's one of those who will never change. But YOU, you need to stop supporting this and making it easy for him to do it.
You just want a happy family. Well while you are miserable, that will never happen. You are part of that family. You need to be happy too. Allowing yourself to be treated like this will not make you happy.
Seriously, you said his son
Seriously, you said his son could sleep with him. You backed off to give them space, now his 19 year old is coming down for a week, and your on here asking us where will she sleep.
Your boyfriend, the father of these children has a responsibility to make proper sleeping arrangements for them. Proper sleeping arrangements do not constitute you getting out of your room and your bed to accommodate his son. Proper sleeping arrangements mean he provides a room and a bed for his children. Clearly the accommodation you have now is not suitable. He needs to sort that out NOW
You have been far to complacent in all of this. You have accepted thus, moved out of your bed to allow his son to sleep there, and heaven knows what you'll do to accommodate the daughter. My guess, you and three year old will be sleeping in the lounge room. If this happens, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Your boyfriend can ask, he can suggest, or he can outright tell you to sleep in the lounge, you can say no. He can sleep in the lounge right now with his son, that's what should be happening. HE SHOULD BE PUTTING HIMSELF OUT FOR HIS KIDS - NOT YOU.
Every time you give in to these stupid selfish demands, you demean yourself, you teach your boyfriend to treat you with disrespect, you teach your boyfriend you are a push over, an idiot really, and he sure as hell won't respect an idiot. So stop acting like one.
It is your home too. Your bed. If your 3 year old wakes everyone up next week. Well that wouldn't have happened if your boyfriend had made PROPER sleeping arrangements and SUITABLE accommodation for his kids to visit. You rolling over and going along with all this is giving him the okay to do it.
Ask your boyfriend where does he plan for his daughter to sleep. If it's the lounge. Then she puts up with the three year old. You don't have to disrupt your child's normal activities to accommodate his 19 year old. If its in bed with him,orin his room,while you sleep elsewhere. Leave, he's one of those who will never change. But YOU, you need to stop supporting this and making it easy for him to do it.
Yeah you and your boyfriend's
Yeah you and your boyfriend's bed is where the love (some say communion) happens between two people... his son is 9? Kinda old to be sleeping with daddy, no?
If anybody is coming to visit your place sounds like you can either accommodate them on an inflatable mattress in your kids room or the living room and they as guests need to respect whatever happens around your place and be nice to your daughter and respectful of you.
I'd say just get through it
I'd say just get through it the best you can and THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS THE SKIDS DONT LIVE WITH YOU, because that is hell!
Regarding the other issue
Regarding the other issue seeing as everyone else has discussed the sleeping thing (oh, actually no - RECLAIM YOUR DAMN BED WOMAN!!) lol
You need to talk to OH NOW - before the 9yo leaves, and tell him that while you were initially ok with them co-sleeping you have realised that it is not working out, and you want the 9yo out of your bed and you and your bf back in it. THAT is how it needs to be. The marital bed (as it were) is sacred couple space)
Then you need to bring up that while you are ok with him and the 9yo and the 19yo next week as well spending one on one time together you also EXPECT family time, that is that ALL of you go out together or spend time together. Ask him if his plan is to integrate his son into your family or keep him separate?