I have been in my Stepson's for all of what he can remember. DH and BM split around 6months and me and DH started talking around 8months. We officially started our relationship after my SS turned one. He's five now and I had a baby with DH right before he turned four. My BS is now one and SS is now 5.

In the beginning SS5then4 would say stuff like "can my dad take me to the park" or whatever like you mentioned with the possessive "my" but we honestly figured it was out of habit because DH had been "his" and only "his" for his whole lifetime thus far and even after when BS couldn't walk or talk. We simply corrected him every time. We didn't play it off like your husband does; we would say: "our dad" or tell him it's just "dad". We would make him repeat whatever he said correctly and after a few months the whole "my" business fell off. You need to 1. Correct her, don't treat it like it's a joke or that it's silly to use that kind of self talk. 2. Make her re-say the sentence correctly as this will create a new habit that replaces the old habit. 3. I think you need to reflect on how you are talking around her too, me and DH made it a point to refer to BS as "all of ours" including SS's. Now I don't mean let the little girl change the baby's diaper but teaching her that the kid is her family whether she likes him or not. He's not going away and being an older sibling is a good thing. SS really enjoyed being BS's bigger brother when I started pointing out how important it was. He got to help push the buggy or walk beside it instead of sitting in it, he got to pick out clothes for him (I told him I was a girl so he'd have to tell me what BS would like to wear) and now SS always picks out identical outfits for them to wear, I used a mini backpack instead of a diaper bag and SS got to wear it for me. Maybe try giving your Sd some little choices so she won't feel as possessive and more eager to share "her" stuff with him.

Me and my SS have a pretty great relationship. I'm on this forum learning how to deal with his BM. I'm sure he will give me trouble eventually but we are still in our Golden Years.

My son has no memory of life before me in his life. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. His SpermIdiot has always been a presence in his life ... at least until he turned 18 and the SpermClan stopped nearly all contact with him unless he would send money to help support his three younger also oowl SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.

His mom and I raised our kid to value character and to use his head. He pretty much has written the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool off and left them fading in his rear view mirror.

So yes.... everything worked out okay for us.

My ss was 10 when I met him but he is autistic so his perception and attention-paid to the world outside his own head is different.

He's now 15. I recently asked him if he remembered meeting me or a time when I wasn't in his life. He could not.

However, he does remember our wedding.

In any case, after about 2 years of marriage SS starting saying things like, "You're dad's wife." Or, "CGU, why is your husband cutting trees?"

You can see he is working it out in his mind what our roles are. He will introduce me as "my stepmom" or "dad's wife." He will even refer to his dad as "my stepmom's (or CGU's) husband." Occasionally he just refers to me as "mom" but will sometimes correct himself later.

Your kid is undoubtedly working it out, too. Normal enough. I think your husband is handling it just right. Sadly, bm has also filled her head with crap. Because of that I would also encourage a little more pro-active counter-balancing of that with the activities about drawing mommy and daddy dogs with all their puppies, etc, as mentioned in your other thread. Help her visualize the normalcy of the world outside her bm's sick sphere of influence. But never mention bm at all to her. If she says "mommy said this or that" just say "how interesting" and move along.