I feel like Im about to have a nervous breakdown!!
I have been with my bf for 4 years and lived with him for 1. Its fucking hell. He has 4 kids, 1 boy, 3 girls, two from one trashy mother and two from another(this should have been my warning sign). I have one son who lives with us full time. He has shared custody of the girls and they are here approx. 40% of the time. My bf works shift work so this means they are here EVERY day that he is off. His son, is 22 and lives on his own(sort of that's a whole other story). The girls are the messiest most disrespectful little shits I have ever come across. They have no rules and no expectations so when they come here its a free for all. They literally throw garbage on the floor i.e. dirty tissue they will throw on the floor. Im tired of nagging them and feel like Im such a bitch. Ive talked to my bf about this and he doesn't seem to care and just says just tell them...but wont tell them himself. I feel like its up to him to help me out and to actually parent his fucking brats. He does the whole babying thing with his youngest SD8, calls her baby, honey, sweetie, etc...it makes me mental!! Recently he booked his summer holidays around his kids and booked on different weeks when mine were scheduled. I flipped obviously because now on my holiday, Im going to be alone with my son. I figured that by blending our families that we would be working toward doing family things together but he doesn't seem to care. He always chooses them first and me last. We don't do anything together and he complains that he has no money to go out for dinner with me(despite the fact that I pay) but then turns around and spends a pile of money on his kids. Last Thursday, we didn't have ANY children at night and all that we did was sit on the couch and watch tv. Im tired of asking him to do things because his answer is always no or he has some shitball excuse. I feel sooo trapped. I own my own home that Im currently renting out but now I would have to move my son again back to his old school so I don't know what to do...plus I just love the school he is in now and really don't want to move him...HELP!!! Im miserable and I don't know if I can do this for another year! How do you people make this work?? Its the craziest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I will never ever ever date again or enter a relationship with someone that has kids! This is bullshit!!! Also, this site is amazing and I have never related more to all of your stories!! Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel soooo much better!!
Honestly, this is a mess. I
Honestly, this is a mess. I would recommend moving out. He's treating you like shit.
Do not stay in this
Do not stay in this relationship for the sake of not moving your DS from his new current school. I really do appreciate you must be horrified at the thought of potentially moving your son another time (which I get is not in the least ideal).
So on that note, consider your options. If you try and ensure DS stays in his current school (which you like - am assuming it is better than his old one), the home you own is currently being rented while you live with OH-how much rental income are you making from renting your home? Can you not use any of that income to rent yourself a little apartment? I am guessing some or all of the rent is covering a mortgage? That's one option and then while you are renting an apartment for yourself, sell your owned home and buy another in the district your DS goes to. Do you work? Can you use your salary to cover rental?
OR move back in your old home but check whether your DS can remain in his current school? Am guessing that is not possible. Am in uk so unsure as to the rules of your school districts.
Can you sell your home you own, do not tell OH, and buy your own home in the area you now live in?
Is there a possibility you can move into a shared house with another single mother and share rental in your area? Have you got family you can stay with?
I would be consider ALL possibilities, as where there is a will, there is a way!!
Look into how much it would
Look into how much it would cost to pay the tuition fee for son to remain going to current school. If it's not too much, you might consider moving to your house that's being rented and transporting son to present school. It might be worth the price if it means you and son escape the situation you're living in now. If it's the same school district just a different school of the district they might even waive any extra fee.
Your son's home life plays a
Your son's home life plays a far more important role in how he will eventually turn out. A far, far greater role than any school ever will.
Your son needs a happy, healthy, emotionally stable mother, far, far more than he needs a good school.
Is this the idea of family you want your son to learn. Is this the type of husband and father you would want your son to become. Children learn what they see. He sees this is okay by you. No matter what you may say to your son, what he sees is, you stay.
Honestly, this guy is what he is. He's not going to change. You know that. Is this the example of how to be a good man, a good husband and a good father you want for your son. Do you want your son to see you accepting, living and sleeping with this kind of a man. Your son is well aware of how his mother is being treated. That's pretty bad. But the fact he sees you accepting this, no matter what your excuse, well, that's worse.
If you don't leave for yourself as you should, please do it for your son. This emotional stress leads to physical illness. Your son deserves better, so do you, but if you don't do it for yourself, do it for him.
Right now Im living in a
Right now Im living in a small village...there are no apartments to rent or houses to rent. I wouldn't want to buy a house here and sell mine as I don't quite enjoy living in the country. Moving back to my house and keeping my son in his current school isn't possible, there is no bussing and its in the opposite direction to my work so it would be impossible for me to get him to and from school everyday and I work like a dog. I guess my only option is to move back to my home and pretend this past year never ever happened. Unfortunately, I wont be able to move back in until 60 days from when I give my tenants notice(which they can fight and they might), which would mean that I would have to switch my son to a different school a month into grade 7. OMG...I feel terrible for my son! Has anyone ever done this and how has their child been affected?? I feel like a loser and Im pretty sure I have the absolute worst judgement in men!
If you've only lived out
If you've only lived out there for about the past year, I would think that your son knows some of the kids at the old school still. I know a couple of the girls my daughter goes to school with have indeed moved and returned a year or two later. The returning girls have had no problems . The girls were liked and missed while gone and welcomed right back in when they returned. Of course most of these girls have all been together since kindergarten so when one leaves and then returns the returning child knows everybody (and even meets some new friends that moved into our district while the girl was gone).
If the son has a close friend or two in his present school, it's not like he could not occasionally invite the friend to come visit you new home overnight on a weekend. I understand your concern of uprooting your son again, but I'd think it'd be easier going back to his old home and school than it was when he first moved to this new area last year.
4 years -boyfriend. He is
4 years -boyfriend. He is using you. Do yourself a favor and leave.
Can you rent a small (month
Can you rent a small (month to month lease) in the town where your house is until you get the tenants out?
That way your son won't have to change schools once you're back in your home.
I moved my kids when the
I moved my kids when the oldest was in year 6. In Australia year 7 is the first year of high school. She only had 6 months of the year to go. My son was in year 5. The new school was disastrous. 3 months later I wanted to move my son and leave her to finish the last 3 months of the year as she would have to change schools again to start high school. She did not want to stay.
The outcome was that in a 6 month period, they had left their old school, moved to a new school, and 3 months later moved schools again. Then after the 6 week school break, the oldest had to move again into high school. She grew up to be a healthy, happy well adjusted mother of 3. Since she was 10, she always wanted to be a teacher. She succeeded in that to. My son runs his own business.
As a family, we were happy. They will survive as long as you are there for them they will be fine. But In order for you to really be there for your son, you have to be happy in yourself.
If your son had to choose this school he is at or a happy mum, I know what he'd pick. If your okay, he'll be ok. It's entirely up to you.