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I don't think I want to Marry him now...Can't seem to love his daughter like my own

mstired's picture

We been together for four years. 1 year of happiness 3 years of hell. Oh and the 1 year was collectively.
I been with him since his daughter was 9 months. I loved her like my own. People use to say "You two look alike" and I would say thanks and keep it moving. We had a better bond than her father and her mother. BUT drama happened. I was blamed for "abusing her". That hurt so bad. Scarred! This happened about 3 years ago. She could barely talk and said "she punched me in the stomach". Which was totally wrong because I would never hit a child (i do smack hands) I think they just wanted to start something. Honestly.

SUPER LONG story short. Lots of other drama unfolded and I feel my whole relationship has been about him, his daughter and his life. I have a daughter and now a baby son. I love him, but I think i'm falling out of love. Not just because of his daughter but we have other issues as well. He has been trying to force me to love her as my own again. It's been hard. She now has several issues and even get sassy and talk back alot. My own child NEVER got smart with me and she's 11. NEVER! She doesn't know better and i know it's hard for her bouncing back and forth, but in the past year i haven't been interacting with her like i use to. I love him. I love her, but not in love with her. Honestly, I often want to leave. How can i be with someone and I don't love his child the way he wants me to? He claims my child and his son as his own and i can't seem to do it back. I swear i've aged 10 years in the past 4. I use to be youthful and energetic now i'm a mole on a log. (whatever that is lol). What should i do, i find it HARDDD to want to bond with her. IT's sooo awful of me. I just can't let it go. Does it help that she acts EXACTLY like her mother and Her grandmother who i CAN NOT STAND! smh. Help. Am i wasting time? I don't see marriage any more.

Gia's picture

Don't get married, things will not change for the better. If you are not sure about all those feelings, and you have that gut feeling telling you not to do that, then don't.

By the way, Like blender said, you can't love her as your own, she is not your own, and her mother is still around, I would understand if she was bio-motherless but with her mom around, you are a third parent figure in her life. As long as you care for his daughter's well being, that is all that should matter.

mstired's picture

It is 2 separate situations. She isn't the only situation. And actually it's not HER fault because her parents can't get it right. I fought for her for 2 years and i was treated like crap in return. I left work to watch her, bought her clothes when i got my daughter clothes and watched her 3-4 times a week why HER parents work and her mother going to say well you didn't have to. I felt so unappreciated. Now his daughter goes back and forth and tells them EVERYTHING we say or do and that is NO way to live and she's only five. I can't imagine when she is 15! Far as him I LOVE HIM to DEATH but some flaws i can not live with! He has a lot on his plate. I try to help and if i don't help the way he wants it's a big deal. SIGH SIGH SIGH.

@marriage you are right. NO need to rush. I guess i'm in love with the idea, dress, wedding blah blah blah. But you are Right.
@making myself happy I do try but it's hard when it's always some drama and you are with a one year old every day and finances are bad.I do try and we have good times. Of course it's not always bad, people come here to vent the drama, but when the drama hits it HITS and i'm tired. Perhaps a break? I dunno i know one thing my heart would hurt real bad if i leave, but I can't take the EXTRA drama (gambling, his bro/sis, the way he budgets, his daughters family, his daughter, his goals are farfetched. smh)