I am hating life right now!
Sooo... I'm 25...recently had a baby with my fiancé. Me and my fiancé both have children from previous relationships. I have a seven year old boy, he has a three year old daughter. My sons father is not and has never been involved in my sons life. He shares custody of his daughter with his ex. Okay so my problem jeez idk where to start. In the beginning of our relationship things where great and they slowly went down hill after we found out I was pregnant. I been to realize my fiancé loose his temper with my son to the point of telling him " dude your pissing me off!" he began to scold and spank my son for every little thing. If his daughter would cry it was automatically my sons fault and he was sent to his room early and forced to stay in there while his three year old stayed up untill two in the morning! I never wanted to et involved in his parenting with her because I know I'm not her mother. Yet he felt perfectly fine spanking my boy with a belt. He only did it a couple of times and I said enough is enough. You don't touch my son if he misbehaves let me know I'm his mother I will deal with it. I sometimes feel he hates me son. His daughter is such a brat and gets away with so much his excuse is that he doesn't see her everyday so that's the reason why. I'm so tired of it. Not to mention he has me as his personal baby sitter when ever he wants to go out. I'm so tired of it. He said he would change and try to be nicer to my son and spend time with him. So far I see no change. I just don't can't believe he is the same person I fell in love with him. Im starting to hate his daughter and him. That little girl has him wrapped around his finger. I honestly can't even look at her or tell her no. She throws herself on the floor starts crying and daddy comes to the rescue. I'm so tired of his promises... But I find it hard to leave him since we just had a baby...
using a belt because your son
using a belt because your son annoys him is child abuse.Leave that abusive man.Don't let you baby grow up with that unjustice of seeing his poor big bro beaten up whereas his sister is coddled and spoiled,it is an unhealthy environment to be in.
Please dump this man. There
Please dump this man. There are other punishments and a belt should never be used imo.
Did you see the video where the SF beat the child with a belt for not catching a ball in the back yard? Hopefully that made you sick like it did me?
Do not let him abuse your child-!!!! It is not fair to your son who only has you to protect him-!!!!!!!!
Please leave this guy and
Please leave this guy and call cps on the way out. You have to protect your son.
My initial thought/reaction
My initial thought/reaction would be to take the belt right back to him, how dare he assault my defenseless SON!! On further thought, however, your son could actually press charges on him and, if I were you, I'd be letting him know exactly that. If that doesn't do it then LEAVE!!
It's hard, I know, to make your way as a lone parent, but start now with a support network of your own. Here, on this site, is a good start. I come on here to vent about SKids and it sort of puts matters in perspective for me to write it all down, not to mention that folks on here empathize and are going through similar, often much worse, things than me.
That man does need a wake up call, domestic violence is horrible and it was the reason I left my children's father. I raised three kids on my own and it was very hard but more than worthwhile to see them grow up safely.
Good luck.
Wow, I appear to be the
Wow, I appear to be the minority here... I don't think using a belt is a bad form of punishment, but HOW hard it is used and HOW MUCH is walking a thin line. That being said, I NEVER let my DH spank my son (who is his SS), because my ex and I discussed that and said we would prefer being the only ones who do that. I would say that if you don't want him to punish your son AT ALL, then talk calmly with him about it (not when it's just happened), and say that you would prefer to be the one who punishes.
His excuse about not punishing his brat of a daughter because he doesn't see her that much is a complete cop-out. All he's trying to do is be the 'fun dad', and not hold her accountable for her actions. However, and unfortunately, we can't control what other people do or don't do. I would, again, talk calmly with him, and explain to him how you feel with the comparison with the two kids. If it continues, then I would think about other options..
I disagree, a belt is used to
I disagree, a belt is used to intimidate and use with force to correct a behavior. You are telling me a grown man against a child needs a belt to do this? Even if he wagged it in front of the kids face and did not hit him, a grown adult needs a belt? That is like a pitbull against a kitten using his teeth to fight off the kitten! A stern look or a stern voice should do the trick to a young child's psyche! Geeze!
I would never let that happen either. Someone spanked my child like that they would have serious consequences. Take your children away from this man and protect their innocent selves! Obviously talking calmly will not happen with a guy that uses force on a child like that. One cannot reason with the irrational. You just cannot get through to people like that by talking calmly. You need to take some serious action to get this guys attention. Move out!
How can belting be
How can belting be justified?Sorry, I can't see any way it can.
If my dh ever hit my child
If my dh ever hit my child with a belt that belt would be knocking out his teeth & I'd be out the door! The biased treatment isn't fair to your son either! Hope you leave this bully abuser & his brat. She's only going to get worse the older she gets if he doesn't change
All relationships are great
All relationships are great in the beginning, otherwise they don't become relationships. Hard as it is, you can't base the actual relationship on that beginning time frame.
Now that you are really into it, you are seeing what kind of person he truly is. Your son deserves better, it's better to have no father (or father-figure) than a bad one. How destructive to your son to be scolded and spanked for everything while little princess does wrong and his mom certainly isn't doing the same to stepsister.
Start planning your escape now. If you can get away before the baby is born, so much the better. Take time, please, take plenty of time to get some counseling and figure out why you chose the men you did, because they were poor choices.
You deserve better than this and so do your children.
I completely agree with you,
I completely agree with you, stepmisery. Perfectly said!
I completely agree with you,
I completely agree with you, stepmisery. Perfectly said!
I totally agree with echo, I
I totally agree with echo, I have 3 kids that are not DH's and as soon as he would have picked up the belt I would have been movin his crap right out. He is having a hand in raising my boys and he disciplines them, but beating them with a belt wouldnt happen. I very rarely spank my kids and I find it shocking that you have allowed this man to spank your child with a belt ever. You already said you feel as if he doesnt like your son.......really ??
I am a big believer in
I am a big believer in putting the adult relationship first to make step families work, but I have to tell you that there are some occasions where the child has to come first.This is one of those situations.You can't tolerate child abuse or you are making yourself guilty, too.
When I was a teenager I helped looking after groups of children in a camp and I saw a little girl, who was 4 , who got belted and I will never forget her words that she said she was a really bad girl and that's why her dad used a belt.It is so wrong, it destroys a child's self value- please stop it.You are in charge.
Please plan your escape
Please plan your escape carefully. You do not say this guy has been aggressive to you but, should you choose to leave him whilst carrying his child he could switch on you and start to try to attack YOU. Therefore I would urge you to get your exit plan sorted then leave, only then tell him what you have done and from then on only communicate through mediators or Court. Belting is sadistic and a seven-year-old is way too young to have endured this and be unharmed.