I think I might want his kids for the wrong reason.
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Sometimes I think about having a child with him only so I can understand what it feels like to love someone the way he loves his son. Is that strange? His son annoys me to no end, but it never seems to bother my boyfriend. Maybe it's because I have no bio children that I just don't "get it"?
Is it wrong to think "okay, then give me a baby so I can see what it's like to love someone unconditionally even when they're an unreasonable brat?"
That was worded horribly, but I'm pretty sure that's not a good reason to have a baby...
Please tell me I'm not the only one. 
I'm not sure I'm
I'm not sure I'm understanding this, really. Are you saying he won't love any of his other children after his first? I can't comment on anyone else or what their feelings are, but my original post was a bit unclear. I explained myself better in my later comments.
Thanks for the feedback, but
Thanks for the feedback, but I don't think I agree. I also was a bit unclear about what I meant in my original post. I want kids for other reasons, but I don't think I'd be so bitter to my SS. I like to think I'd be able to put his needs on equal treatment with my own once I have them. But then again, I don't have any so who knows.
Also, I think my "poor potential kid" will be just fine, but I appreciate the concern!
I understand the impulse and
I understand the impulse and curiosity. Do not have a baby for these reasons, however. Raising kids is rewarding but SO SO hard. Harder than you could ever imagine. Don't do it on a whim.
Having a child is not like
Having a child is not like trying something to see if you enjoy it. You have to know deep inside that you are willing to sacrifice a large part of yourself and your selfish instincts for at least the next twenty years. If you do not feel inclined to do such a thing, there is no shame in remaining without children. I had come to that point after four years of infertility, and was content with the choice, then all of a sudden I was pregnant. I had to adjust my selfishness, and put my child first. Then I had a second one. It was very hard work and a lot of sacrifice, but now I have two,grown sons who are the most important people in my life. I know I mean a lot to them, but they have left my house and are independent, so you will eventually get your life back.
As for a stepchild, just try to understand that your DH has already gone through that thought process of being willing to,sacrifice and perhaps it doesn't occur to him that you are not yet at that stage. Think very hard before you make a frivolous choice about it. It could make ypu miserable if you are not ready. His child will always be important to him. Doesn't mean he doesn't have the capacity to treat you well and allocate his time and attention to both of you.
I absolutely agree! I think I
I absolutely agree! I think I want to be a mommy so bad that it clouds my judgement sometimes. I can't wait to have a child, but I think at this point in my life I should wait until I'm really ready.
I hadn't thought about it from his perspective, I suppose, tho, so thanks for bringing that to my attention.
Unfortunately, no, you are
Unfortunately, no, you are not the only one to want to have a baby for a completely selfish, foolish reason.
Surely, there are people in your life (like family members) that you love unconditionally, no matter how they may act sometimes.
You can't have a baby on a trial basis, just to see how it feels. Please don't bring a human being into the world for your own experimentation.
Instead, you might want to look at your relationship and consider that this is not the guy for you.
Please see my later comment
Please see my later comment as for a better explanation of my motives for wanting children. I completely understand that babies are not for a "trial basis" and I would never have a baby for "experimentation."
Also, why would this not be the guy for me, is it because he already has a child?
Not necessarily just because
Not necessarily just because he has a child but being with someone who already has a child can be challenging and you admit to being jealous. You may be better off being with someone who doesn't already have a child and with whom you can experience that for the first time together, for the right reasons.
Jealousy of a parent's relationship with their offspring can cause unseemly behavior. You may not think it will affect you or your actions towards your boyfriend or his son, but it most certainly can, and it can cause you to do things you never thought you would. Just ask my dad's wife. I learned a lot from her about what NOT to do. Namely, don't get involved with a man with kids if you are jealous.
Thanks for the feedback. I
Thanks for the feedback. I definitely have other reasons for wanting children, and thank you for understanding that. I would not want to have a child to test a hypothesis but I do want them for other reasons and I think I get jealous of the parent-child relationship they have and I want to be a mommy so bad that it clouds my judgement. I definitely agree about the communication, though, and I will remember that going forward.
I guess I didn't make myself
I guess I didn't make myself as clear as I could have. Probably need some more context info.
I've been wanting to have my own kiddos for a LONG time now. I put it off until after I graduated college, and now I'm settled at a full time job and working on saving up to buy a house. I obviously think about my future children's' well-being and want to be able to support them and give them the stability they deserve.
I think the real issue I'm facing is that I'm jealous of my boyfriend because he has a son and experiences that parent-child love that I'm craving. I think this is why I feel so grumpy and bitchy and want my own child.
I obviously don't want to have a child to "test a hypothesis" or some other mundane reason. I want to bring a child into this world because I know I will be a wonderful mother and I want to help my little one grow and thrive.
What I stated before is NOT the only reason I want a child, but maybe just the way my brain triggers into resentment and anger. Apologies for not being clearer.