New here and wanted to say hi & seekning advice.
Hey everyone. I'm new here, sought out this site because of the situation I'm in. Pretty similar to everyone else here, but always nice to share...
Boyfriend and I have been together 4 years now, and madly in love. He's got a little boy who he's crazy about, and we have him every other weekend. It's nice because we get to have some weekends alone, but as summer is coming up my boyfriend wants to have him for half of the summer. I know it's fair, but I really don't see how I'm going to make it. We had him over his spring break (almost 2 weeks) and I was pulling my hair out. I definitely feel ignored when he's around, and sometimes I just let them have "guy time" to save my feelings from being hurt. I suppose that's normal, but it's really frustrating nonetheless. And I guess I can't complain since we only have him twice a month and not full time. (Although my boyfriend says that when we get our own place, he'd like his son to live with us full time....yikes!)
SS (is that right?) is turning 10 next month. It was nicer, actually, when he was smaller when my boyfriend and I were first dating because it's pretty easy to win over a 5 year old with candy and he still loved to watch Disney movies.
Now it's all 'Call of Duty' and making really ridiculous fart/penis jokes. He's way harder to connect to, and I feel like I've lost my edge as the cool stepmom. At least when he was little we could go to the zoo. Now that's "baby stuff." When his dad works weekends it's really just him staying in his room playing video games and emerging only for the bathroom and meals. This is normal right? I remember doing that when I was a teen, but maybe because I'm a SM I should try harder to establish a relationship? It's so awkward...I feel like grandma attempting to understand the appeal of Youtube celebrities and angrily yelling at strangers in the video games.
Worst part is, I'm only 26! I shouldn't be so out of touch! Ha!
Anyway, long post, and sorry for the rant but.....
Any advice on re-connecting with a 10 year old? I understand it's just going to get worse as puberty sets in, but anything would be helpful.
Most of what you're
Most of what you're describing is just boy stuff. I raised 6 so I know. They really don't like forced interaction. If you don't push, he will come to you when he really needs something. Otherwise, adolescent boys are hard to read and it's normal to feel uncomfortable. As step parents we try so hard! Just do stuff with him you enjoy. He'll know if you're being fake.
Unfortunately, at least IMHO,
Unfortunately, at least IMHO, few parents lay down the law with kids these days. It is far too easy to let an idiot box of some sort consume the kid rather than enforce reasonable interaction with other people in the picture.
Something I strongly advise is for your SO to have the kid in day-camp during the summer visit. You should not be saddled with the Spawn while SO is at work.
Be firm, stand your ground, and ..... good luck.