I’m just tired of all this
I have reached a point where I can no longer manage the current custody arrangement. When I met SO 3 years ago he had them EOW. A few months before we got married last fall the custody was changed to 50/50. I wasn’t part of that decision. It’s getting to a point where I dread when they are around. They are not bad kids but are very needy and dependent and always looking for attention. They are 4 & 5. It’s getting to a point where my health is being affected and I have constant headaches when they are around. I am finding it hard to connect and bond with them. My youngest son is17 and very independent and maybe that’s why I’m struggling. Would it be mean of me to request SO to reduce visitation to EOW at least? Is this the time when you decide to throw in the towel and call it quits or does it ever get better?
"Would it be mean of me to
"Would it be mean of me to request SO to reduce visitation to EOW at least"? Not if he's not home part of that visitation. They are there to spend time with your DH not you.
In your previous blog you
In your previous blog you wrote your SO went for 50/50 to reduce CS costs.
Not a very noble reason IMO.
Is he happy to hand over money to BM or are you going to pick up his financial "loss"?
Why are you dealing with the kids?
Why does your SO/DH not parent his own kids?
Is it a fair consideration to ask a bio-parent to reduce the time with their kids because you as SM aren't coping?
Looking back at your earlier blogs you saw the warning signs yourself.
Why did you marry this guy only to be shackled with his two kids?
If I were you, done raising my own kids and now saddled with DH's to the point where my health is suffering, it would be a simple decision.
I doubt it gets better.
Yes, it's unfair to ask him
Yes, it's unfair to ask him to see less of his kids, unless he wants that, too. And BM isn't obligated to take more custody time either, you can't go back to court to give up time. So she'd have to agree to a return to EOWE.
Maybe your SO would agree if you paid more towards expenses, enough to match his increased CS, but would BM be on board? She might be enjoying her free week.
Your choices are to leave or disengage (not parent his kids at all - he does it).
I wouldn't take up dealing with preschoolers either, if my kids were already grown. Love wouldn't be enough for me.
If DH wants his kids 50/50
Then he cares for them. Or make arrangements for there care when the kids are with him. His care arrangements is NOT you. You find a job any job, even a low paying job. And it’s sorry I have to work also. That what he wants, and that what he getts
Based on this and your other
Based on this and your other posts, I think this guy has been using you to mother his kids on his time.
Asking to go back to EOWE, when you weren't even part of the decision to go 50/50, is probably not going to happen.
If he is just using you to
If he is just using you to watch his very young children so he doesn't have to pay CS - he's just he worst kind of loser/user. I'm a totally bitch who cannot tolerate being used. I'd probably ghost his a$$ while he was at work and never look back.
Self-Respecting B, Notasm3!
I love reading your posts!
Much respect,
Looking at your other posts I can say that you had problems with that even before you moved in together. So why the hell did you even move in with him if that was the case?
And you were watching his kids AT YOUR PLACE why would you agree to that?
Logocally if a woman does that she doesn’t mind it. Just learn to say no. And now when you are so deep in it you try to pull back? Just don’t be scared to hurt his feelings or be selfish and say no!
And that was so silly of your dh to ask for 50/50 they were 3 and 4 Of COURSE THEY ARE DEPENDANT AND NEEDY. They need a mother around to mother them. Not someone who wishes they were gone. Silly man.
Of course you can ask to change things now and if you never complained nor refused to do things like that your husband probably won’t understand what’s the problem but if you did say that you don’t like something and you want it to be different then he should consider what you’re saying. I wouldn’t get involved at the first place but now you have a choice of leaving or staying but not giving the kids back to bm