Unless your BM is a super duper lady, thank your lucky stars. Keep it separate. I took the "high road" and invoted Bm here...now it never ends.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

Yup, they each get 2 bdays, 2 x-mases, 2 thanksgivings etc. That's the good part of a divorce. I loved that as a kid.

Amen to that MinneMom!

we have joint parties because its less complicated and its one of the few times in the year the ex and I don't want to make the kids go back and forth. However, we CAN do this because we get along well including the stepwife (pet-name for kids stepmom). I know we're all trying to raise these children to be their best and this is one of the moments they can see that stepwife and I are on the same page. On the flip side, my DH isn't too prevvy on the idea of being around my ex and me being around his ex but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Currently, I'm specifically excluded to all activities where BM is or it will cause issues with her. For them, there are two parties and whatnot.

yah, we always havve separate parties for the skids. Their mom always throws a party and then we throw a little one too for htem. Simple, nothing big because mom gave them a big party. Though as they get older i dont bother anymore...sd is old enough at our house not to have a whoopla...she has it at moms cause all her friends are there...my ss we still throw here cause we have alot fo friends who have sons...so its easier.
Nothign wrong in having 2 parties. Heck i throw 2 for my husband. One when his kids are here and one adult one so they dont go back to mommy and complain daddy has a drink in his hand...lol....

The first year their mom put on the birthday party and it was ACKWARD!!! I was around her mom and a whole bunch of her friends for her 5 year old daughters birthday. I got invited to the little boy's 3rd birthday but the mothers whole family was going to be there and I wouldn't feel right I guess. We just have separate party's, it is not at all ackward. Just don't make it a competition. I got the little girl a princess cake a the mom got jelouse because she made her a cake and the little girl wanted to bring home the princess cake.

I have two boys (and two divorces). I'm fortunate enough that we all still get a long. From day one we have all combined b-day parties. It's a situation that's worked well for us. Infact, DH#3 has just been able to convince his ex to have one b-day party for their daughter and myelf and my two sons were invited. We are quite pleased.

We do birthdays separately. Since ss9 lives with us, we throw him a party for his friends and family on our side and BM does her own thing with him.

Since SD lives out of town - we usually have two parties. We have attended SD's last party and it was not well received by BM or her mother. SD invited me and told me she would be sad if i didn't attend - so i attended.

Hell, BM planned for 20 kids and parents to attend... and there were only 2 kids who showed up. So i was glad we did attend - so SD would not feel bad about people not coming.

Although i did not eat the food and cake as BM's Mother told me not too..... That was for the kids... funny that she mentioned that while rolling her eyes at me......

But in the end - SD told me she was glad We all came.... and then we had a party in VA and went to Mrytle Beach for Spring Break. AND that is what really mattered.

I am sure next year - they will not tell us anything for fear or anger that we attend again.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************