How can I express my frustration appropriately + venting
My DH has two children from a previous marriage. SS11 and SD12. SS11 has a urine and feces issue. He does not clean himself after going number 2. He even leaves poop smeared on toilet and chunks of poo on the floor and urinates in his bed night after night. He does not seem to notice the stench, as he will walk around smelling like literal sh*t. DH has taken him to the Dr. for urine analysis, but nothing was wrong. I have encouraged DH to buy SS an alarm clock to use so he can at least wake himself up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. He bought it, but it is not working.
I am a SAHM, so I see ALL of the disgusting messes. I am the one who cleans my entire home, including cleaning the chunks of sh*t off of SS underwear and pants, and cleaning the bathroom. I am so tired of it.
More recently, I walked past SS room and the urine smell was so strong. You know that burning sensation you get in your nose when you have not had soda in a while? Yes, it burned my nostrils. My husband says I have a sensitivity to smells. I am at my wits end. I do not care if I am "sensitive" to smells. I want it cleaned. This child is not mine.
I told SS this AM to put ALL of his bedding into the laundry; This seems to have brought the smell down, but I know it will happen again.
Any advice? How should I present this to my husband. I have previously become b*itchy about it and it does not work for long term progress. I am frustrated.
HELP!
Perhaps its not a Dr SS
Perhaps its not a Dr SS needs. Maybe counseling. My SS13 has a horrible hygeine issue. He will go days without showering. He says dirty unwashed hair is the style. It was so bad that his dad and I could not be in the car with him. He hadnt brushed his teeth in 5 days. His mom doesnt care. Why when we pay all the medical. His dad had to tell him not to speak on the drive home cause his breath was so bad. And he still doesnt get it! Th urine thing we are dealing with from the SD5. She is still having issues with the divorce, but only hs bed wetting issuew when she comes back from moms. Counseling may work better than urin tests from the Dr.
^^^This. 100%
^^^This. 100%
tell the little poopstain to
tell the little poopstain to wash his own accidents and messes. he is old enough.
Yes, agree with all the
Yes, agree with all the above, stop cleaning up after them. Make DH do it or SS do it. How can SS think he has a problem if you clean up his crap for him? And no wonder DH can't understand why you think it's a problem because you clean up the crap instead of DH. DH needs to get his head out of his ass.
This is gonna be a tough one long term, not because you bitch about it, but because your DH's standard of cleanliness is probably not up to normal or reasonable standards. Seems like he just expects you to live in filth since he has no problem with it. Or he expects you to clean up after him and everyone else, which is absolutely not your job, SAHM or not. Your not their maidservant.
My SO is actually a lot neater than I am, but I work hard not to force him to live with my clutter. Just because I'm disorganized doesn't mean he should have to live in a mass of clutter. Still working on the bathroom clutter....and my closet.
Make him wear diapers for
Make him wear diapers for adults. Always. And don't keep it a secret.
He's doing this on purpose.
You are not helping matters
You are not helping matters by cleaning up and washing his underwear and shitty sheets. I understand you can't stand the smell, so if it is impossible to leave without smelling out the house bundle it into a garbage bag for your husband to wash. When DH comes home from work get him to clean the toilet and the toilet floor, and wash his sons shitty sheets and underwear.
When, and only when it becomes DHs problem will he do something about it. This will have to be short term pain for you in order to get long term gain, Cleaning up after this young man is not right.
My ss last lived here last
My ss last lived here last summer-at age 14. He still wet themed every night. And wouldn't do anything about it. Wouldn't even try not to- try to limit fluids, pee before bed----nothing. He wouldn't even use the plastic sheet for his brand new mattress because he didn't like the way itfeltunderhis regular sheet. At first I was washing his bedding. I stopped, kept the door of his room shut at all times, liberal,y sprayed air fresher in front of his door and in the hallway. 5-6 blankets quickly piled up. He would put down towels on his mattress and then pee on those. Soon every blankets in the house was peed on on the floor of his room. Told him and told him to wash them. He knew how to use the washer and dryer just didn't want to. He would let the urinedry and then just reuse the blankets. Finally I told him he could not wash his clothes u til he did the blankets. I'd catch him sneaking out and washing his clothes. Finally I held all his clothes hostage. Bagged them up straight from the washer and hid them. Still he wouldn't wash the blankets- or at best he would wash one.
Clearly a power struggle. Fortunately he moved out around this time. I threw all the damn blankets away. I am convinced I would have won though- lol! Eventually he would have gotten tired of wearing dirty vclothes.
S just my story. The other ladies have already given good advice. Stop doing it. Put on some damn rubber gloves, bag the piss stuff up and hand it to your dh. I know my dh didn't see a huge problem because he didn't do the lau dry. Ss sw no problem because I did the laundry. Make it uncomfortable on both of them. I'd also leave the shit on the floor. I know it would be difficult but I'd do it- any e your dh will even get lucky enough to step. It!!
Buy underwear with electrodes
Buy underwear with electrodes in that that sound an alarm when they get wet to wake him up in the middle of the night.
Ghost here! Yes, SS14 (yea,
Ghost here! Yes, SS14 (yea, 14) still wets the bed. However, it used to be almost nightly. He's been seen by several different doctors and has no medical issues; he's just lazy, and he admitted as much. Since we started making him HAND WASH his bedding and pissy clothes in the tub, clean and disinfect the tub, and hang everything out to dry....miracle!....the wetting has decreased to once in a two week period. You definitely need to make the kid responsible for his messes!!
Good luck! It's so disgusting.
wowthisishard great response
wowthisishard great response and way too funny!!! I know it's not funny but seriously you made me LAUGH
I totally see why you are
I totally see why you are cleaning up after him because it's disgusting and you don't want your house to smell like shit- I am the same way, always cleaning up after everyone- but I agree with the others, you have to make the kid and his FATHER responsible. The kid is way too old to be shitting his pants. If the kid continues to shit his pants, his PARENT needs to deal with him and clean up the mess. My SD just peed in my car last week and I made her clean it up and made DH watch her to make sure she cleaned it and then made DH go back out later to clean it again. Nasty little skids.