Here we go again
HCBM wants to completely sabatage the summer. SS has been doing travel baseball from Feb-May. He is doing swim team in June, tennis camp and baseball in August. He has vacations in July with his mom and also with us. DH feels this is a good amount of activity this summer but nope! She wants him to do.... are you ready. Here's this list of what she wants the 11 year old to do:
-Swim team
-Baseball team
-Summer workouts- baseball
-Private catching lessons
-Trumpet lessons
-Tennis camp
-Baseball camp
-baseball practice August
this does not even include his speech therapy and family therapy.
DH was like "are you crazy?" She said "I have confirmed with SS that he wants to do this and it should be his choice"
She is literally out of her mind. DH feels he needs a break from baseball while doing swim team then have a month off before starting tennis and baseball again. He will not agree to this and of course she came back with her harassment telling him it's too bad he won't support their activities and how disappointed SS is going to be and she will let the other parents and the coach know he can only participate on her time because she's doing it anyway whether he likes it or not. Oh and BTW, SS shoulder is popping like crazy. DH feels he needs to give him arm a rest before it gets worse. She says she disagrees and popping is normal and it doesn't hurt him so he needs to train all summer. Oh and she expects him to pay for all of this even though he told her he is at his budget for extra curriculars for the summer. He paid for oldest SS summer camp, swim team and band camp/practice. He paid for younger SS swim team, tennis camp and baseball practice. That is plenty!!!! Wtf is actually wrong with her?
She is literally a lunatic!
He needs to reiterate that,
He needs to reiterate that, as per the CO, he will NOT pay for anything he didn't agree to. He doesn't need to justify his decision to her (not her business that the budget is tight). It's also time he learned to let all her ranting and lunacy slide off of him like water off a duck's back. He shouldn't care what other people think of him (TBH, BM must be coming off as quite a loon in front of other people).
Can he ask SS if his shoulder actually hurts? Whether it does or not, he should see a doctor to find out what's causing it (it can be quite harmless in some cases and not in onthers) and I suppose that means waiting for visitation because BM clearly won't take him if she thinks it's normal.
Yes. All of this!
Yes. All of this!
Well we are going to court
Well we are going to court soon so the attorneys told us to tell her one time why he doesn't agree to something and end the conversation. "BM I agree to this and this but not this because I feel what they have for activities is a good balance, I am at my limit with budget for activities and SS shoulder is popping so I believe he need a break. Thank you"
Then end it. He ignored her rants. He did ask SS and he said no. My best friend has her masters degree in athletic training and she said that is absolutely not normal and should see a specialist. BM disagrees and will not allow it. They have joint custody and they have to agree on everything. It's annoying! She will not agree to have SS evaluated for autism when it's ridiculously clear he has it because she "doesn't want him to be labeled" but she has no problem testing him for giftedness and she throws that label around every chance she gets. My husband is also gifted. He is also autistic. She won't agree to family therapy, she won't agree to a parental coordinator, she won't agree to have SS's shoulder checked out. But DH doesn't agree to 8 activities over 3 months and he is the crappy parent? Ummmm okay. lol
Oh he's not worried about the other parents. He has a great relationship with the parents and if she tells them that then she will look foolish. He also told her he's only paying for the activities he agreed to. She said "you are unreasonably withholding them from activities if you do not agree and pay for all of this" lol!!! She is just beyond.
You have OFW, don't you? If
You have OFW, don't you? If so, make sure that his request for a doctor visit concerning the popping shoulder is clearly recorded. Medical neglect, anyone?
Yup. He did. She said "it's
Yup. He did. She said "it's normal and his coaches says he should continue training and it's not hurting him. I told him to let us know if it hurts him then we can get him evaluated if so" she won't do it, she won't do therapy, she won't have SS Covid vaccinated, she won't have him evaluated for autism. But, they must do 8 activities over the summer or DH is being the unreasonable one. Hahahahaha! She is so stupid I can't even get over it.
Wrong BM. Actually YOU are denying him these activities
by not stepping up and paying for them. However, I do not agree to him being in all of these activities and have made my position clear. We will not discuss this further.
Now, time to fully commit to ending life as BM knows it. Get the Skid tested on DH's time. No need to tell BM about it until there is a Dx. Also, get his shoulder examined by a legitimate sports med doctor. My guess is this kid is being over played.
If she is going to be a risk to the kid's wellbeing, end her. Period.
Is he allowed to take him to
Is he allowed to take him to the pediatrician? If so, he should. And he should ask the coach himself if it's normal for his shoulder to be popping.
Nope. Both parents have to
Nope. Both parents have to agree. It's frustrating. Yeah he should ask the coach.
Wait, so if he falls down and
Wait, so if he falls down and breaks his arm, he has to get BM's agreement ahead? He should go ahead and do it anyway, seriously. He can show he asked first but felt it was necessary.
Good point! Well I would
Good point! Well I would assume if it's an emergency they go to the emergency room. It also states they need to notify the other parent of any emergencies but the need to agree on medical decisions. I guess he could tell her he's taking him and she would show up and talk over him and downplay what SS is doing. She said they live a healthy active life and SS loves it. She always tries to insinuate that we don't live a healthy lifestyle because DH doesn't want them completely over scheduled. Lol! Our idea of a healthy lifestyle looks much different. We believe on spending time as a family, doing a variety of things like sports but also visiting a museum and traveling, we love to get out in nature and we do a lot of art at our house, we ride bikes and play tennis at the courts near our house, we literally do so much with these kids! We cook together, they kids have "jam sessions" with dad, dad plays chess with them, we go on trips. I mean... we give these kids the most wonderful life any kid could ask for. My kids are happy and healthy and safe here. All their friends love being here. We have a house full of kids all the time. It's the most loving home but BM has put in their heads that we are lazy trash that makes them sit in their rooms all day. LOL! It's stupid.
He should start with the
He should start with the coach and ask about it there. Then he can set up an appointment and tell BM he's taking him to the pediatrician to have it evaluated - if the doctor says it's all fine, then he will agree with BM that no specialist is needed.
"Both agreeing" doesn't mean he can't get care if he feels it's warranted and she doesn't. What if SS had alarming signs that he thought was cancer or COVID and BM said no? He'd take him anyway. What is court going to do, yell at him for seeking medical care when he's concerned about his kid?
To me, "agreeing" means if someone says he needs surgery, they have to talk and agree. But just a visit to the pediatrician doesn't need to be agreed on, that's silly.
He can ask the coach of
He can ask the coach of course.. but what are the coach's medical credentials really. I actually think that getting a non-invasive test or evaluation shouldn't necessarily have to be a joint decision. So, if he has concerns regarding autism.. or a thrown out shoulder.. he should take him and have him checked out.
Then... he can consult with BM about the doctor's orders or suggested treatment plan.. and she can agree or disagree to proceed with treatment and whether she will agree to go along with the DR orders.
She can scream bloody murder about him getting the kid "checked out".. but honestly how do you think a judge would see this?
BM : Your honor.. he didn't consult me about getting his shoulder examined.. I think it's fine. so he violated the CO.. punish him.
DH. Your honor, my son has been playing baseball, tennis and swim lessons with many of these sports overlapping. I have been concerned because I have noticed a popping sound coming from his shoulder. My Ex has said she doesn't think it is a problem and refused to have him examined, but I can't ignore the fact that he might have had something wrong. In fact, the DR did say that there were signs of repetitive wear in the rotator cuff and he advised that he take a season off from sports that use that shoulder like baseball, swimming and tennis. He suggested he might be ok with soccer instead. Then when he resumes upper body involved sports he only wants him to do one sport at a time and see him for ongoing monitoring. I certainly was going to ensure I had her agreement of any treatment plans.. but an evaluation to set my mind at ease did not seem to be a violation in spirit of the CO and as you can see there was a documented medical concern regarding his shoulder and there is some damage already. I have the DR report here if you would like to see it.
It's not like your DH is taking him to get braces or put him on psychiatric medications without her knowledge or consent..
I agree. If she won't be
I agree. If she won't be reasonable, he has to do it himself.