Ok need help with court order wording!
What has been the most life changing thing for you that is in your court order to keep away the crazy as much as possible?? Our main issues are: she severely overschedules the kids and without talking to DH first (they have joint legal) the constant bad mouthing and she calls DH names if he doesn't give up his parenting time and she never wants to swap time, she just wants him to give it up and she is constantly saying "the kids want...." "the kids have requested....." and....well I could go on all day. Basically she is a complete nightmare so we need an extremely EXTREMELY detailed court order. DH and I are compiling a list and we just need help with the details. Like there can be no wiggle room. No room for interpretation, clear clear clear! Any advice, any examples from your CO or any website recs? Thanks!
DH and I used Custody X
DH and I used Custody X Change to develop a proposed CO to send to BM. It's a free program - you can Google it. It helps outline wording and provides recommendations for different scenarios. I have to be honest with you - you could have the most detailed CO in the entire world and your BM is still going to violate it. She feels above the CO and that she isn't held to the same standard so some wording isn't going to change that.
Oh trust me, we know! We just
Oh trust me, we know! We just figure this is our shot to get as much as we possibly can.
I recommend using the program
I recommend using the program. Just go through the list of various stipulations. It may help you guys implement stipulations for scenarios you may have never even thought of.
Awesome! Thank you.
Awesome! Thank you.
I agree... add in the fact
I agree... add in the fact that these kids are getting into their teens and honestly, even the kids will start chaffing against the CO if it means that they may miss social or sports things they want to do (overscheduled or not). You end up in a situation with a churlish kid if you can "make them" get in the car at all.
AT some point, my DH tried to let his kids have a life... even if it meant he didn't have as much physical time as he was supposed to have. He had daily calls and messages with them, but he didn't force them to come for weekends if they had things going on where they lived that they wanted to do. We were 3 hours away when they were in HS so it wasn't as easy to just run them to a game or date or whatever.
We live 15 minutes from HCBM.
We live 15 minutes from HCBM. They have tons of friends here, they have friends over all the time, DH takes them to every single activity they have, they have never EVER put up any sort of fight to come here. They run out to DH's car and very happy to be here. They especially like hanging with my kids and getting to see their friends here. They have tons of freedom (I'm not a helicopter mom...my daughter drives and we have expectations that she follows for example...she had to let me know where she is going, say she's going to a friends house. If she leaves and goes to another friends house she has to let me know) she's been very responsible. We do the same for older SS. He is welcome to go to friends houses, have friends here, he goes to the gym sometimes. These kids have the same life here as they do at mom's house. We are down the street. Never a complaint about coming here.
She acts like they are crying and miserable the whole time they are here. So, we tend to take lots of pictures and videos. Then when we show them for court she states it's "creepy" that we take pictures of the kids and she's "concerned" why we take "so many pictures"
Evidence and documentation dummy!!! Btw...she takes TONS of pictures too. My kids think nothing if it because I have always taken tons of pictures of my kids. Don't most proud parents??? Omg she is sooooooooo annoying. She can take literally ANYTHING and create a story around it.
In that case, it doesn't
In that case, it doesn't sound like your DH should really ask for any variance.. ever. Just go by the CO... and make her do it too. The only time you could put in that a set exchange time might not happen is when a skid scheduled activity (sports game) occurs during that time?
He usually doesn't. I think
He usually doesn't. I think he has asked twice on the last year. She however asks all the time and just tells him he needs to give his time up, not swap.
A clear statement of when
A clear statement of when visitation starts and ends.
Limiting communication to Our Family Wizard.
Clear statement that Dad's time cannot be scheduled by BM.