Ok, I will give a brief background on my current situation. Me and my future hubby dated 11 years ago, split up and went our separate ways but always kept in touch. both of us got married, he had kids and i had none. Me and my husband had a fall out and i left him/divorced, meanwhile my ex's wife left him and their 2 kids (boy age 6, daughter age 3) behind (literally packed her bags while kids were in daycare/school and he was at work) and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. We got back in touch and realizing our situations, we got back together after being apart many years which we have been back together almost 3 years now.

I love my future hubby dearly, but I just do not know what to do anymore. The kids were raised with no respect towards any adult and if you do not bow down to their every demand all hell breaks loose-so their grandparents have always let them get their ways. SS9 suffers from adhd, severe anxiety and opposite defiant disorder (i am almost willing to bet he is bipolar and not adhd-due to family history and me also thinking his bio mom has it as well). SD5 i believe is pretty normal due to her age of the divorce, she does have occasional meltdowns but I'm noticing she is picking up on her brothers behavior more often now.

my future hubby has the physical placement, the kids mother lives a half hour away. the first year she walked out on him and the kids, she kept the kids a total of 5 nights (during this time custody was 50-50) and the grandparents would keep them on her nights that she didn't want them. she only wants to play mom when it comes to public/school functions. She doesn't pay child support, and doesn't provide the kids with everyday needs. Instead of buying them clothes and shoes, she buys them ipod touches (wants, not needs!) and will take them to a water park once a year. To the kids, she is the good guy. Me and my future hubby bend over backwards to make sure these kids have everything they need all while struggling to pay our own bills.

I guess where i am getting to is i feel like i am losing my mind and I'm in their world so i gotta deal with it. Our home is mainly furnished because I like having a nice home, i do not like to live in a pig pen. the kids do not know how to pick up after themselves and when i b*tch about it I'm told "they're just kids, they're going to make a mess". i see the kids as being lazy, they are used to having everyone do for them. they are old enough to pick up after themselves. they do not go to their mothers and future step dads house and act this way so why act this way in our home? Another issue is the SS9, he has such a mouth on him and has no respect towards me at all due to his mother and his grandmother telling him I am no one and they do not have to respect me. Every time i ask him to do something all i get is eye ball rolling and constant back-talk. I feel like the kids father gets angry at me when i complain about him not having any respect, but yet its OK for him to get angry when he gets treated that way. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do i just sit back, let the kids treat me however they feel, destroy my home and just have to tolerate the constant nightmare I feel like i am living in?

We have SS9 in therapy and trying to get him the most help that we can. I love my future hubby and he was the one I know I was meant to be with. I pray every night that things will eventually get better for me and that we get past this difficult stage. I really want to be with him, and I realized before I ever moved in he was a package deal but I did not expect my life to be a nightmare 24-7.

I guess I am searching for guidance and am glad to have found a community where I know I am not the only one dealing with this situation. Any recommendations on what I should do? Things we should try differently? I am losing my mind, my parents say I deserve better and do not have to put up with living like this. I would like peoples' opinions to get a fresh perspective on things!!