Hi,

I need some advice from anyone with experience. I met my husband over five years ago when we were both going through divorce. I had three kids from previous marriage and he had three too, as well fell a couple of years later with a child together, their mother after many attempts to come between us decided that using the children to cause problems weekly (shared custody) wasn't enough. She sent a letter during our four days with the children which stated she no longer wanted them and we were to keep them and she would get in touch when she wanted them, also stating that we would do what she says or she would take them back when it suited.

Three months passed with no contact and we decided to go to family court and get an order in place regarding the custody. She then decided to have them once a fortnight for two days. It has been this way for nearly three years now and she has continued to cause trouble using the children as a weapon. I've had children service round due to being accused of throwing my SD which didn't happen and it was cleared up, reason for this was because she broke the court order to keep them telling them she would claim their money and get a bigger property etc.

She started pulling my older SD aside on weekends to talk alone, we discovered this after she began getting violent at home towards my bio daughter and generally was nasty towards us, telling her mum lies about me etc and we discovered this was for attention as it's the only time her mum fussed her. Over time she realised it did not work so she's now started it again with my youngest SD and we attend family therapy, now to discover SD has been lying to mum, the fam therapy team and us for attention.

Until recently she's had no desire to see the kids or spend any additional time with them, however last summer she suddenly made contact when she was considering leaving her partner, was overly nice to hubby which was really out of character and began messing access about and not turning up etc... she's now back to being nice with texts out of nowhere being polite and friendly wanting a significant input in the children's education, questioning them and also putting words in their mouths for future therapy sessions.

I have no trust in my SD now as I know she lies a lot but I am also aware of the hell her mum has put us all through until now and I feel very angry, she's made it clear I can do everything for them and have them full time but I'm to have no input in anything as it's between her and my hubby. Am I wrong for feeling angry? Resentful and stressed over it all? If I tell my hubby how I am feeling, naturally I say I'm angry and frustrated etc and he gets in a mood and tells me I am playing into her hands and he has to be accommodating etc regardless of the actions because of the courts and how it can make him look in their eyes.

She manipulates them, I'm the full time mum and I find myself feeling used, I can raise the kids full time, take all the crap that's thrown my way but my feelings count for nothing!

Feel like I am slowly losing the plot!! Also read posts about raising step kids for years and years and for what? For them to grow and turn against the step parent who's been consistent in their lives, who has done everything for them and to then be treated in such a disgusting way, I fear for that day in the future and how far it will push me... help!