Getting ready to leave DH...I think
I dated DH for 6 years, married for 1. Why the hell did I even get married. I knew I didn't want to. I can't stand my 11 year old SS. I can't to look at him, hear him, have him in my home. It has come to the point I can't even say hi to him. I am creating a terrible future for him and its not fair. I have begged my DH to take us both to talk to someone...he hasn't. I see a therapist on my own but SS needs to see someone as well. He has no friends, never invited to parties etc.,
I also have an 8 year old son on my own. My SS is so mean to him it makes me cringe. He has said he wishes my son would die, yells at him, tells him he is stupid and dumb and he hates him...I honestly don't know if I have EVER heard him say ONE nice thing to my son. My son wants nothing more than to have him as a brother. My son will tell people he mets, I have a brother but he hates me. Its the truth too...my SS literally hates my son. He has hit him, slammed a door in his face...
I left my DH twice, for a week each time. Each time he says he is going to go get counseling...he never has. I hate being a prisoner in my house. I try to work the weekends that SS comes over, I don't go on vacations because I don't want to be with SS for a week...I'm just done living this way.
Its time to go I think. I don't want to dread one day in my life and I seem to be dreading many days and its just noth worth it anymore. I love my DH but if he can't see the pain that my son and I are going through, then it seems he doesn't really care about us.
I will never date a man with a child again. Ever. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than deal with someone elses child and have a child run my life.
You have to think of your
You have to think of your child. You are his only protector,, and it can't be good for him to grow up like this.
I would not stay if your DH
I would not stay if your DH is not trying to help himself or his family. I know all too well how hard it is to get any solutions situated if only one person is trying. You've left and he cajoled, made promises and you went back, twice. So now he knows that he has somewhat of a safety net and assumes you're bluffing. If you go again, do not return until he's well into Therapy and some kind of Parenting class. Promising to do it is nothing. He has to actually own his issues. He can't go just to get you back. He has to believe he needs the help or else he won't really invest in the work of therapy and it'll be unproductive. So first you need to find out if he even truly thinks he has any issues.
Something to consider: If this SS is horrible like this at 11, it's only going to get worse over the next few years as teenage years hit. It's likely too late to stop the chaos as personalities in children are set by age 5 and will go with him into adulthood. So at best you can hope that your DH at least learns how to reel him in now and be willing to do whatever is necessary to stop him from wrecking havoc.
finally the sad reality is: Some people have to lose everything before they will see their issues. And some never see them, even then.
I believe if you do leave again, you must be prepared to stay gone.
Both of you have to have a
Both of you have to have a calm, loving conversation and be kind and compassionate for each other. If you see that even after a kind, loving and compassionate conversation he is not able to understand you and see your point or at least try some therapy for himself - you need to decide for yourself whether this is the life you want. After I left my new mantra is : Do not abandon yourself! Whenever I feel like my life is challenging I repeat : Do not abandon yourself! I hope that this helps you!
although I agree with better
although I agree with better than her's approach to a bully, and I would personally twist the little shit's lips off and shove them up his ass, you have to think about how long term this will affect your son. Plus- you can't be with him every second. Sometimes our love for our kids shows us the way.
Good luck and God bless.
I just can't imagine living
I just can't imagine living my life like this forever...I thought if we got married that SS would change due to the fact that he felt like we were a "whole". I was way wrong. I come from a blended family so I have strong beliefs on making the step children feel welcome and loved...I just can't do it with my ss. Even if he were to get better with my son, I think its too late for me. I have built up such a wall towards him that I don't think I mentally could ever change. I really don't blame my SS, I blame my DH and his bio mom for being in denial that their child needs help. I am first to admit that my son has emotional issues, he feels an extreme need to be accepted by everyone...this probably stems from the way he has been pushed away by my SS....but I put my son in counseling to help him learn that not everyone will always like him or accept him and thats ok. My DH does not believe in counseling. I just don't know what else I can do on my own to fix this. Its just time for me to go. I actually don't find it that difficult, I feel we have been a fake family for along time and I am ready to be a real family with just my son. My son loves my DH but his bio dad is a HUGE part of his life, so I believe he will heal and move on. The house my DH purchased is not in my name nor is the car he bought for me...so really it will not finacially be difficult to leave. I feel guilty leaving my DH with all the bills but he also earns 4 times as much as I do and I can't stay because of guilt...Guilt has made me do many things I wish I never had. I feel I was guilted into getting married. I had asked my DH if we could wait a year to get married and he said you either marry me in 3 months or we are done. Well I didn't have anywhere for me or my son to go and I could not afford a place on my own at the time so I commited to getting married...this is the way life has been for 6 years. Enough is Enough!
Stop talking about it. Your
Stop talking about it. Your husband isn't going to get counseling for anyone. Get your kid out of there and keep your promise to never marry someone with kids. Even be careful of the men with grown children.
I am in the same situation,
I am in the same situation, except I don't have a child of my own. I will NEVER ever ever marry/be with someone with kids again. As soon as I find out they have a child, I will run. I swear. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than go through this hell again.
I also am in the same
I also am in the same situation and don't have a child of my own (as above). Every day is a living hell. I want out but don't know how to get out.
I would never go near anyone who had a kid ever again. not with a 50 foot barge pole. Noone deserves this!