he doesn't want to try anymore...

I don't know what to think! In a way I am so angry and upset, in another I wonder if this is my chance to be happy.

He's tired of me being in a bad mood all the time. I just have to wonder what the hell he expects of someone who has been through so much because of him. For the second time, the ahole told me that he made a promise to not leave me when I got pregnant and that is the reason he has stayed. Actually he said he made a promise to HIS SON! But then says he loves me more than anything and adores me, but can't continue. Really?

Wait, I remember when I was pregnant and his f#$%#$5ing sister called me at WORK and told me off...and told me that he was going to dump me, that I was a nobody...that if he dumped his first wife, he would soon dump me...that he didn't love me, etc...and I was about 5 months pregnant at the time and went home hysterical crying to him and he said "what? she did what?" and I made him call her...she of course denied it all...or so he claims...he called in front of me...but he didn't tell her off like I expected. I was so angry at him at the time, I felt like leaving. But he claimed that his sister was a liar...and well, she had already made my life miserable before that too...so I believed him. Now I wonder if it was true.

Then when my baby was born, he asked me to give his other idiot sister and mother a ticket to come see the baby when he was born, but that they would pay me back when they got there. That was nine years ago and they have never paid me back. Anytime I questioned him, he has ignored it. His mother made my life hell while staying with us, at MY house within 2 days of my baby being born. I would rock my baby to sleep and cry, night after night after night. He just ignored it. Continued to talk to his loser mother and sister.

On the day of my son's baptism, he left the party at OUR house early because he had to go to his "niece's 15th year birthday party", that was planned AFTER our baptism was planned...I was so angry it wasn't even funny. But everyone thinks he's such a sweet guy and made me feel bad for "overreacting".

Many times in between I wanted him out, because I felt that he was only with me for my money...he would always tell me, "I'm not with you for your money, but if that's what you think, whatever, I'll leave..." and then be all nice in front of everyone and again, I was the bad one.

When he was offered a job out of the country, I stayed for 6mos alone with my son to sell MY house. My mother one day told me that he had told her "that he would leave WITH OR WITHOUT me"...I was hysterical crying when she told me that. She claimed that my dad told her NOT to tell me and to please never tell my dad that she had told me. I told him what she said and he denied it. Now I wonder if it was true.

After we moved out of the country, I told him NOT to send his ex our personal checks, with our address, etc...he ignored me. He would tell me he hadn't and then I'd find a canceled check. Needless to say, it gave her a great start in getting our bank account, etc. for all the child support lies that she began.

At the time, after 5 years together, he finally made more money than me...he always claimed he would put me on a pedestal if "he could afford it", but that he couldn't. Well, the pedestal went to the witch and his loser daughter instead. Now of course, that things are really bad, he uses the same BS line of "if he could afford it, he'd put me on a pedestal"...funny, but when he could, he didn't...but anytime he can't, that's his line.

We have been here 14 mos (out of the country again)...after being married after 10 yrs in 2009. Our first anniversary he got me NOTHING. Not even took me to McDonalds. Instead, he got drunk the night before, while we were with friends and I continuously talked about our anniversary...he claims that "he counts our first anniversary not our wedding anniversary"...really?

By the way, I married him because I thought I could finally trust him. With the ex, idiot kid, his family, etc. He would not be sending loser kid any money while she was receiving CS and I was having to take money out of MY 401k to pay for our living expenses and son's therapies. He sent her money BEHIND MY BACK and I found out...this just a week before we got married...but I found out a week after we married. I almost left then, but he had already accepted a job offer out of the country again and we had our stuff with the movers, turned in our apt, etc.

I went to Texas in September...I was gone for almost a month. I came back, and within a few weeks we were arguing again. He claimed he was so "peaceful" while I was gone, and that he did "NOT" ask me to come back. What? Then of course, the same line of "the only reason I stayed with you was because of our son..." The next day he apologized and said it was all a lie. That he was angry. He had been drinking. I told him that DRUNKS ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH...he claimed that was not necessarily true.

I got sick within a few weeks of being here with MRSA...in the hospital...got sick over the next 3 months with MRSA...couldn't get out of bed. So here I am. It's been about 1 1/2 months since I have been feeling better. I almost died with an allergic reaction to one of the medications too.

And so here we are. I should be able to read this and say "DUH!" I gave up so much. I don't know what to think right now.

Funny, when he is miserable in his life, ie. when were lived in Texas and he hated his job, and I had money in the bank to supplement our income, I was great...but now that I don't have ANYTHING, now he can't deal with me...now all these things come out. They never came out while I had a job and had money in the bank. Just since the money ran out.

My family will freak. My 89yr old grandmother will freak! If I leave PR because we split, she has nobody here to take care of her...I am her favorite grandaughter...she adores this idiot too...my dog is almost 16yr old and I can't put her on a plane again to travel. He knows even if I could, the only place I could go is with my parents because I no longer have any money and my mom won't allow a dog in the house.

And yet, there's always someone quick to point out to me "what a great guy he is, how sweet he is, blah, blah..." of course, I vent here but most people don't know about everything I just wrote. Sigh. I didn't sleep all night.

By the way, the ahole told me that he SPOKE WITH OUR SON (yes, our 9yr old autistic son) and my son later told me (after the idiot went to sleep) that his dad told him that he was going to go to his office, get some money and take us to the airport to go to Texas...and that he'd come visit when he got some money...) I almost LOST it! How dare he tell our son anything like that when he hasn't discussed it with me?

It seems at the end of the day, he has no clue how to be a husband. His pathetic mother raised a pathetic son. He claims to love me, yet his loyalty seems to be his family, and his kids...not his wife...although in front of others he makes them think otherwise.

I need a break. I just smoked an entire pack of cigs tonight. I feel like I am going to lose it.

Thanks for listening. I know it was long.