The f'ing school clothes argument- FDH lies and I'm just the bitch-VENT
:sick:
I'm questioning myself on why I even say anything anymore :? BC I GET SO FRUSTRATED!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FDH says " You should start buying a few things on sale for BD9 for school so it's not a lot of $ all at the same time"................
:jawdrop:
I snapped. WTF.... I said " You should take your own advice, I don't spend close to the $300 you give SD16 in cash for school clothes so she can buy whatever she wants, and I really hope that you aren't giving her $300 this year, she has a job now and should learn some responsibility and can buy some of her own things"
She works in her favorite clothing store and gets 40% off and they have a denim event 2x a year for $10 jeans that are usually $60..... So not only does she get $300 she gets a discount and said shes buying all her clothes there so she gets double the clothes.........
and I'm supposed to pick up a few things here and there on sale for MY BD9?????? :?
He said ok fine, I'll give her $275 :sick:
I'm just angry, he lies about the amount he gives her anyway- he says he doesn't hide it from me but he makes sure not to tell me or bring it up. He says oh I'm only gonna give her $$ and he really gives her $$$$ and it doesn't come out until 6 months later. We are supposed to be saving $ but it doesn't apply to SD16, just me and BD9.
I hate blending families, I really don't see how this is ever going to work. He refuses to parent SD16 and prefers to just give her what she wants while I'm busting my ass to parent BD9 and teach her the value of a dollar and how to be grateful and appreciative and BD9 doesn't understand why SD16 gets what she wants and lies and gets away with everything but BD9 gets in trouble. I explain best I can and I'm pretty honest but it IS unfair, it makes me sad.
SD16 came over awhile ago and had a huge drama night and ran off crying like 4 times and FDH went chasing after her and BD9 said " well why doesn't he care when I cry" 
(she DID go through a stge where she cried about everything so it wasn't a big deal if she did)
BD9 is seeing everything and its all affecting her and it's really hard for me to parent BD9 effectively when shes constantly comparing how SD16 is different. I tell her I'm her mom and I have different rules, I tell her SD is 16 and you are 9 etc........ but I see it too and it sucks. I REFUSE to have bd9 turn out like SD16 but they ARE treated different.
I'm depressed, frustrated, angry and confused. AS always I love FDH but can't stand SD16 and can't stand him when it comes to her. I have disengaged from her the best I can, I really have nothing to do with her. He is a bank to her and thats it, he said he's willing to be that if thats the only relationship they can have :? How f'ed up is that.
*****another example*****
WE went out of town for 2 days over the 4th, he insisted No ONE was coming to the house, again, NOBODY would be there. We are on the 4 hour drive home and I was playin with his phone, I looked at the texts between him and SD16- he left her $ on the counter and told her to go into the house to pick it up while we were gone bc she wanted to go to a carnival........... I was irate. She steals my stuff!!!! He insisted no one was coming into the house knowing he left her $ on the counter to get. I hate that she even has a key. He denies he lied to me and says he doesn't have to tell me if he gives his kid $25. In the meantime, he didn't want to pick up fast food the night we got home bc he didn't want to spend the $............
So he can hand SD16 $ whenever she wants something or wants to go somewhere but he doesn't want to spend $12 on picking up a quick bite bc I didn't want to cook, I was busy unpacking.
We went without dinner that night......................
Sometimes I can handle this shit but not this week- it feels like FDH and SD16 is one and me and BD9 are another...........I'm trying so hard to not let SD16 have control over MY mood and MY emotions I don't even want to give her that satisfaction but if feels like EVERYTHING changes when it comes to her and it affects me and my kid.
Kinda hard to shrug it off
YES our money is definetly
YES our money is definetly seperate
Your DH is really dumb if he
Your DH is really dumb if he thinks he can get away with that kind of blatant favoritism. In the end he will lose both children because one child will resent him for discriminating against her and the other will see him as just an ATM.
I am SO with you on this
I am SO with you on this goingcrazy. But I don't have any answers, unfortunately.
SD lived with us 50/50 from ages 8 to 11, 65/35 (us as primary) from 11 to 15. DH and I had enormous fights over her clothing. He would buy her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, often paying full price and having absolutely no problem with that. $40 jeans for a kid who wouldn't wear jeans and was getting so fat she'd outgrow them in a month? Check. $120 tennis shoes for a kid whose feet were still growing and wouldn't wear tennis shoes? Check.
I said she needed a clothing budget. He wanted to give her $50 a month for clothing, PLUS several hundred dollars for back to school. That may be OK for a kid in a nuclear family, but you have to multiply that by 2.5 because BM also bought clothes for SD, as did BM's mom. So what kid needs $125 a month for clothes? None. I got him to agree $35 a month from us, but boy was he not happy. I literally had to pull stats on an average (intact) family's monthly clothing expenditure per person to get him to see $35 was perfectly reasonable.
Now that our kids are about that age (10 and 7), I spend less than $35 a month on clothing for them easy. I shop smart. Justice had 50% off clearance, plus 40% off, plus 20% off. Each kid got three tops, five bottoms and one other thing (shoes, dress) for about $70 each. I told them each they'd get $100 for back to school clothing, once they'd bought the Justice stuff BD10 said she'd round it out with stuff from Walmart. She's so easy! I took SD shopping to Walmart once and she refused to wear the clothes SHE picked out (because they weren't name brand).
Your DH is ridiculous, but I think you already know that.
He thinks it's perfectly
He thinks it's perfectly reasonable that $300 is Not a lot of money and she's a teenager and things are more expensive.....Ummmmm if she's getting a discount and is working I think he should give her less since shes getting more for her money AND we are supposed to be cutting back. SD16 gets 2 christmases, 2 birthdays, 2 of everything, my BD9 gets 1 of everything and gets the bargain stuff bc when it comes to her we cut costs??? bullshit
Also who needs a monthly budget for clothes??? fucking ridiculous
I had to institute the budget
I had to institute the budget because otherwise he would spend freely. She saw a dress at Old Navy, and this is about 12 years ago now. The dress was $26 and the coverup she HAD to have with it was $26. $54 for a dress for an 8 year old that isn't a special/formal occasion dress is ridiculous, in my opinion. The dress BD7 got at Justice was $12 max!
Dh pulled the same BS as SD got older that we should give her MORE money because her needs/wants were getting bigger. SD didn't even have to get a job as a teenager, she ran through a couple but was basically unemployed until college and just got handed money by DH, BM and BM's mom.
I'm totally with you on this! We HAD to spend an equal amount on SD for Christmas as we spent on our two BDs, despite the fact this meant SD would get WAY MORE than them when you add in BM and her family. Even then, he'd overspend for SD while I stayed on budget for our BDs.
I agree as well I just think
I agree as well I just think a child gets a few things in the beginning of the year and then maybe when they grow out of it. I NEVER got taken shopping or a budget for clothes so it's really hard for me to understand this way of thinking. I get BD9 clothes on sale or I buy bigger sizes on clearance so she always has a bin of things she has yet to grow into. Just frustrates me, my BD9 knows that SD16 goes shopping and gets what she wants while myself and BD9 are bargain shopping. This fight with FDH is NOT over!!! I've had it!
Oh and SD16 has worked a total of 2, 4 hour shifts and it's her first job....we will see how long this lasts.
Don't let's talk about the
Don't let's talk about the time DH picked SD up from BM about 30 minutes from our house and took our oldest BD, then about 5, along for the ride. It was dinner time, but instead of bringing her home he took SD and BD shopping to a place SD loved to spend money at (outdoor mall). BD had to watch while SD picked out things for DH to buy. Finally, DH decided to take BD to her favorite (at the time) clothing store.
Bd is 5. She been trapped in a car for more than an hour. It's dinner time. She's been watching SD shop and DH pay. So what does he do? Yep, take her to the store and tell her she CAN'T BUY ANYTHING. As you may imagine, a meltdown ensued. DH came home yelling about how BD ruined the evening, and I was SO pissed.
RUDE!!! Yup FDH took Sd16
RUDE!!! Yup FDH took Sd16 school shopping last year and I had to work so Bd9 had to tag a long, he got her a pair of $10 capri's she cant even wear bc her legs are too short, they look like high waters but aren't short enough to be capri's while she followed them around and SD15 got everything she wanted :sick:
THAT will NOT happen this year
I can offer no advice. All
I can offer no advice. All your post does is scare the heck out of me and confirm my worse fears. I can see all of this coming in the near future for me. My SD12 is spoiled and my husband indulges her, yet he claims he doesn't. She has a bad attitude on top of that and she is only 12. So many things have happened that have driven me to completely disengage for the sake of not throwing up. When I get completely fed up, I say to myself, "things will always be this way with her" and/or "I can only imagine it getting worse as she gets 15, 16, etc". Now I know what to look forward to because these DH's will always put their brats first. They will never be 100% honest with us about things because, deep down they know they are spoiling them and they choose to do so because they want to! And they know they aren't going to stop it, ever!