I'd like to start a discussion about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effects and was hoping there are others here on this site who can provide valuable information. I married a wonderful man last year whom I've know for over 3 years; he has two young children. Just recently, I learned their BM drank alcohol consistently throughout the pregnancies. DH separated with the BM before 2nd child was born. DH does not drink.

I did research on FAS/FAE and found many traits consistent with what I believe skids have. In addition to some facial features indicative of FAS, they have the following: the older child: head-banging, excessively talkative, seeming years beyond in her speech but grades and assimilation of school material she struggles with, violent temper tantrums, very whiney - all the time, elaborate liar and storyteller, prefers younger children to children her age, clingy to strangers; second child characteristics not as severe but still may be FAE related: potty training issues still at age 5, very destructive despite consequences (writing on walls, constantly cutting things up, making huge messes) - she is at a point we think she needs constant supervision, belligerent, temper tantrums, although most of the time very sweet so is bothersome to have to punish her when she does these things. I believe BM is also FAS adult - her mother was an alcoholic and BM exhibits many common signs of FAS adults: spends way beyond her budget, suicidal thoughts at times, manipulation of people, elaborate liar, inability to hold down a job - longest is a year in duration.

My concern is that DH does not think there is anything wrong with the children, just that he feels guilty because of the mom they have and thinks these behaviors are a result from that. I wonder what we are facing as the children get older and into adolescence if in fact they have FAE?

Has anyone been involved with a situation like this and how did you handle it over the years? Not sure how to convince DH and it is taboo topic in our house. DH thinks that a child with FAS has noticable physical abnormalities; he's unaware that FAS/FAE had cognitive and behavioral abnormalities for a lifetime.