The ex was just taken to the hospital...halp!
Ok, I am completely new to this board, but I needs some halp!
Here's the situation...my husband and his ex have been divorced for 8 years - they were estranged for a couple of years before that. We've been married for 5. He's got full custody of his 3 kids, 15, 13, and 11. BM sees the kids for about 7 hours on Sundays - that's it. Currently, she isn't talking to my 15-year-old SD, and my 13 year-old SS hasn't gone to visit her for weeks, because he hates her place.
SO - all that said, she was just taken to the hospital. Apparently, she put my husband down as her emergency contact (on a job she has had for 4 months). When her employer called my husband, they told him they were afraid she was having a stroke. I called the hospital, who said she hadn't been admitted yet, but the only person that was coming in at the moment was a woman with chest pain, and she was coming from the area where BM works (obviously, they can't give me details.)
My husband has been ill a lot lately, and has been getting flack from his boss about working from home/not being there. If he leaves, there's a chance he could get fired. Given that BM doesn't pay her child support, and I'm a SAHM, his is the only income in the situation.
So - what would you do? He feels bad because she doesn't have anybody up there with her. We don't know exactly what's going on, but assume since the hospital said it's chest pains, that she can make decisions for herself, etc. We don't want to be cold-hearted jerks about it, but he is also tired of her looking to him for everything. (He just bought her a new tire on Sunday after she got a flat, and her spare was also flat and didn't fit the car. This is pretty hard for him, because honestly, he can't even stand to be AROUND her.)
What's the right thing to do here?
Relay the message to one of
Relay the message to one of her family members and forget about. Oh, and get your number off of her emergency contact info!
This. ^^^They are divorced so
This. ^^^They are divorced so he is no longer involved in any of this. He shouldn't be there.
That's the downer - she
That's the downer - she doesn't have any family. She's burned most of her bridges with her friends by borrowing money from then and not paying them back. She lives with 4 guys, but they're all geeky losers (no, really...) so...she has no one.
Then that's her problem. Give
Then that's her problem. Give the kids her number and the option to call and check on her, if they wish. They are old enough to decide.
Yep. Who did that to her? She
Yep. Who did that to her? She did.
I know how hard it must be,
I know how hard it must be, we ended up in the same situation about 4 weeks ago but my BF just phoned the hospital to see how she was and spoke to her on the a couple of days later. She is still in hospital and is refusing to see her family but like NoDoorMat said, it should be up to her family to look after her.
Keep strong
our BM was on an emergency
our BM was on an emergency insurance card that was years old. Well my FDH was in a car wreak and she was called. She claimed to be his wife and she tried to have the doctors remove the feeding tube, and prevent all life saving measures because she claimed he has a DNR order. Well needless to say I have current medical release and orders, I am named on EVERYTHING. he was in a coma while the swelling went down but now he is his normal dumb ass self, she tried to kill my FDH. She is in the process of being charged with fraud. She also told the doctors that I was a stalker and tried to have me removed from the hospital.
My point is do nothing for her. They are divorced, if she put him down as a contact that is her own fault. If you have a number of a family member call, if not she should have been prepared. You husband also needs to do a formal letter stating that she is not to list him on any emergency contact information for her. there only thing they should have communication about is the kids.
wow Ommy! that is
wow Ommy! that is unbelievable! what a rotten human being!
dh should not risk his health
dh should not risk his health or job security for a woman who has burned her own bridges, period! and he should stop bailing her out of her own messes.
i feel for the situation, but the kids are the ones who should respond and be encouraged to go visit their mom. dh does not need to and will only feed her needy behavior.
this is manipulation on bm's part. even if she's really having a stroke. just putting him down as the emergency contact is bad form.
The right thing to do is take
The right thing to do is take care of himself and his family.
His ex is in the hospital where she needs to be. She's safe and in the care of professionals. There is nothing more to do regarding her.
I had to laugh because never
I had to laugh because never in a million years would I put my ex as an emergency contact. He damn sure would tell them I was a DNR. There is a group my kids belong to and I joke with the other ladies that run it that if there is ever an emergency to never call my ex. They know him and certainly understand why.
I'd say call her family and
I'd say call her family and leave it in their hands. My dad and my ex are both emergency contacts my dad because I trust him I know he'll take care of contacting the ex to watch the kids and he'll call my work and make decisions. My ex is on their in case they can't reach my dad because he knows who to call to come be with me and because I'm CP he would need to either get the kids or contact my family to. My parents have copies of my medical power of attorney if I'm not able to make decisions, but my first concern is my kids and that involves the ex.
You and DH should tell the
You and DH should tell the kids, and offer to take them to the hospital to see BM. DH can and should wait in the lobby or car while they visit with BM.
Anon2009, that's basically
Anon2009, that's basically what we did. I convinced DH to stay at work until 5 (his boss had said he could leave early to go see if she was ok, but we don't trust that boss not to turn around and use it against him.) SO - we waited until the end of his workday, and then took the kids up there.
Turns out she was fine - no stroke, no heart attack, no blood clot - NOTHING wrong with her that they could find. She was released a couple of hours after we were there, but the kids felt better because they got to be with her and see that she was ok.
On a funny note, though - DH did leave her to figure out her own ride situation. Since she was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, her car was still at her office. We have no idea how she got back to it, but DH made a point of beating it out of there before she could ask for a ride!
(and then we went out to dinner for our anniversary, which was yesterday. So, she still kinda got a jab in there, I suppose!)
ahhh...interesting that she
ahhh...interesting that she did that on your anniversary day.
do you have any family around? i think i would have my MIL take the skids if this ever happens and esp. on our anniversary.
but you guys handled the situation beautifully and well done DH, not bailing her out!