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EX hates me and making SS scared to like me

backspacer's picture

Submitted by backspacer on Sat, 06/15/2013 - 10:58am

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Blended Family Issues

Hi all,

I was hoping to get some advice on what to do when my SS7 is nervous to be around me and is afraid to like me.

I've been married to my DH for 8 months but we've been together for 5 years. I have no children of my own. My SS is a great kid with, unfortunately, a very bitter mother. I could get into all of the bat-shit crazy details but we would be here ALL day.

I feel terrible for my SS because he used to have a great time with me. But now, the ex has gone full force with making him feel guilty for liking me. He's told me multiple times, "my mom doesn't like you." He's told his dad "please don't tell mom I like "my name"" We don't ask him for this information, he just blurts it out. My husband has asked why do you think she feels that way and he kinda avoids the question and gets really uncomfortable.

I haven't had direct contact with the EX for years just to avoid her craziness and taking everything out on her son and my husband.

I'm at a loss of what to say to him when he says these things. In the past I just tell him I'm not sure why she feels that way but that I love him. On the inside, I can't help but feel anger. Why do people put this kind of pressure on their kids out of jealousy? It's not a war!

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Sat, 06/15/2013 - 11:08am

This is what I would personally do, although I'm not sure if it's the "right" thing.

I would say: everyone is allowed to love whoever they want, but I know you are afraid to hurt your mom by liking me. So how about this: it will be our secret. You pretend you don't like me when your mom asks or talks to you about it when you're at home. I know you do so don't worry. Then when you are here, you can like me all you want. And if we ever see each other in public with your mom around, we just give each other a secret signal (tap one ear three times) that we understand, so if you ignore me I won't be upset.

stepmonsterinthecountry's picture

Submitted by stepmonsterinth... on Wed, 06/19/2013 - 1:55pm

My SS are the same way. My 5 year old SS actually freaked out when I said I was taking him lunch for his field trip! He was seriously crying and saying he would get in trouble if I went Sad So, I didn't go...and neither did she. I felt horrible for him not having someone there. If they pass me in the store, BM and the 2 SS don't even glance my way or even to my children's direction. Very sad. We have decided to take the view of she can be crazy at her house, but at our house we are going to act normal and not discuss BM's house.